Monthly Archives: September 2007

Life Is Full Of Possibilities

How sim­ple a thing is hap­pi­ness: a glass of wine, a roast chest­nut, a wretched lit­tle bra­zier, the sound of the sea. All that is required to feel that here and now is hap­pi­ness and a sim­ple, fru­gal heart.

—Zorba the Greek

I feel like writing.

Saturdays are usu­ally reserved for relax­ation, but I mixed it with a few errands through­out the day. Bought extra auburn foliage for one of my pots, and a fun­nel to get fresh-ground pep­per into my new pep­per shaker. Picked up my weekly gro­ceries. Sat down at the pizza par­lor to start Beautiful Losers while my Hawaiian was being baked.

I watched Zorba The Greek tonight, about the adven­tures of an aim­less Englishman who goes to Crete, and the lessons he learns from a man he meets named Zorba.

Thumbnail: Zorba the Greek dances

Thumbnail: The Crete widow from Zorba the Greek

Though gen­er­ally jovial and light­hearted, it was heavy and heavy at times. There’s a scene where a beau­ti­ful widow (the love inter­est of the movie) is rit­u­al­is­ti­cally stoned and killed out of jeal­ousy by the men of the vil­lage, sim­ply because she wouldn’t let any of them have her. The direc­tion is a lit­tle incon­sis­tent, but Anthony Quinn’s por­trayal of the Grecian spirit keeps the movie in tact. Many believe the movie to be an analy­sis of Apollonian vs Dionysian thought, but I saw it as a nod to Taoism as well.

Zorba’s a Taoist, whether he knows it or not. He shuns intel­lec­tual thought and analy­sis, and loves life with bub­bling spon­tane­ity. In the end, the Englishman learns from Zorba, not about life, but how to live it.

And it inspired me. Not just the dia­logue or the play­ful­ness, but the loca­tions too. It made me want to travel, to see new places, to meet more peo­ple, and explore other cultures.

One day. For now, I’ll enjoy the com­fort of my house.

So here I am, stay­ing up late with my back next to the open win­dow, eat­ing but­ter pecan tarts, drink­ing Dragon Well tea, and writ­ing as much as I can.

I think I’ll go prac­tice the form now.

Tomorrow, I have noth­ing to do but live.

Revealing Vulnerability

In my book tonight, I was reminded of the time I was sit­ting on the floor of my room and you were lying on the bed when I felt the foun­da­tion shud­der beneath me. I mapped the escape route in my head, thought of the coats cause it was the end of win­ter, and was about to grab your hand to lead us out­side if the earth shook again, threat­en­ing to bury us in three sto­ries of wood and con­crete. I told you to be ready to run upstairs on my word. How I loved you then.

And I real­ized that I can write about it until my fin­gers are sore, I can think about it into the early hours of the morn­ing, but I can’t tell you how much you hurt me.

For in doing so, I reveal my vulnerability.

Pick Yourself Up

Things haven’t been going my way. As much as I try to let them go, I can’t. There’s just too much right now. My mind jumps from one thing to another when I’m in bed.

I need to stay away from the blo­gos­phere for a while. Not writ­ing, but being a part of my usual cliques and forums. The drama lately has been really piss­ing me off, and it’s cer­tainly not helping.

It’s six in the morn­ing and I’ve been awake for…hmmm…two hours? Another hour before I’m off to work. Maybe writ­ing this has helped.

Pick your­self up, you son-of-a-bitch, because no one’s going to do it for you.

Edit: Nope. Fuck it. I’m going to work, and bring­ing my hoodie, and a copy of Taxi Driver. I won­der if it’s rain­ing outside.

Feeling Particularly Single

Not nec­es­sar­ily lonely, but single.

Maybe it’s because I got accus­tomed to liv­ing with some­one. Coming home to another per­son in the house. Going to bed with a warm body next to me.

My cud­dle buddy has decided that she’s off-limits1. I haven’t made out with any­one, let alone had sex, in months.

Dry spells are funny things.

During my last one, I was too stoned to even think about dat­ing. The one before that was more of a chal­lenge.

Being sober and sin­gle isn’t quite the way I remem­ber it.

Sometimes peo­ple tell me they want to “intro­duce” me to some­one, but I’m always antsy about hurt­ing mutual friends or acquaintances.

One per­son even gave me the card of a girl they thought was “per­fect” for me, whom she met while get­ting a mort­gage approved at the bank. “Perfect in what way?”, I asked. “Every way”, she said, “Gentle, polite, petite”. For months after­ward, she would ask if I called this per­son, and give me a dis­ap­pointed look every time I said no, like a mother find­ing out that her son hasn’t borne her any grand­chil­dren. I wish I could meet this girl, just to see what some­one else believes I’m look­ing for.

My friends, who are in seri­ous rela­tion­ships or mar­ried now, talk about being sin­gle as if it was akin to their houses burn­ing down. They’ve been in their rela­tion­ships for so long that the idea has become for­eign to them. “I’m too old to date”, they say, “Trying to find some­one new, won­der­ing if they like you, fig­ur­ing out if you’re compatible..I couldn’t start over again”.

I always laugh, and think, “Then where does that leave me?”.

  1. I hope it wasn’t because she thought I was lead­ing her on []

Portraits of Gosia

Thumbnail: Gosia tilts her head 
Thumbnail: Gosia's eyes 
Thumbnail: Closeup of Gosia's eyes 
Thumbnail: Gosia's face in shadow 

A few por­traits of Gosia. She’s a first-generation Canadian, her par­ents being immi­grants from Poland. One can tell she has a very European look.

Thumbnail: Gosia hams it up 
Thumbnail: Gosia on a bench 

These were taken with the sun com­ing from behind because Gosia was squint­ing too much oth­er­wise. I tried my flash as a fill-in to bal­ance the bright­ness of the back­ground, which helped increased sat­u­ra­tion in the fore­ground. I love the colours in these shots, they’re so dreamy.

Thumbnail: Gosia awesome abs 

Another addi­tion to my body shot series. Gosia’s a com­pet­i­tive vol­ley­ball player, so she has awe­some abs (not to men­tion killer curves).

Thumbnail: Gosia covered 
Thumbnail: Gosia behind a fence 
Thumbnail: Gosia's reflection in a mirror 

A lot of guys are some­what blinded by Gosia’s beau­ti­ful big eyes and curvy fig­ure; they’re don’t real­ize that she’s quite a strong, intel­li­gent per­son with a good head on her shoul­ders. The idea of these shots was to cover up part of her face, not through the fram­ing of the pic­ture, but using objects to help the viewer see past her phys­i­cal beauty.