Monthly Archives: September 2007

Life Is Full Of Possibilities

How simple a thing is happiness: a glass of wine, a roast chestnut, a wretched little brazier, the sound of the sea. All that is required to feel that here and now is happiness and a simple, frugal heart.

—Zorba the Greek

I feel like writing.

Saturdays are usually reserved for relaxation, but I mixed it with a few errands throughout the day. Bought extra auburn foliage for one of my pots, and a funnel to get fresh-ground pepper into my new pepper shaker. Picked up my weekly groceries. Sat down at the pizza parlor to start Beautiful Losers while my Hawaiian was being baked.

I watched Zorba The Greek tonight, about the adventures of an aimless Englishman who goes to Crete, and the lessons he learns from a man he meets named Zorba.

Though generally jovial and lighthearted, it was heavy and heavy at times. There’s a scene where a beautiful widow (the love interest of the movie) is ritualistically stoned and killed out of jealousy by the men of the village, simply because she wouldn’t let any of them have her. The direction is a little inconsistent, but Anthony Quinn’s portrayal of the Grecian spirit keeps the movie in tact. Many believe the movie to be an analysis of Apollonian vs Dionysian thought, but I saw it as a nod to Taoism as well.

Zorba’s a Taoist, whether he knows it or not. He shuns intellectual thought and analysis, and loves life with bubbling spontaneity. In the end, the Englishman learns from Zorba, not about life, but how to live it.

And it inspired me. Not just the dialogue or the playfulness, but the locations too. It made me want to travel, to see new places, to meet more people, and explore other cultures.

One day. For now, I’ll enjoy the comfort of my house.

So here I am, staying up late with my back next to the open window, eating butter pecan tarts, drinking Dragon Well tea, and writing as much as I can.

I think I’ll go practice the form now.

Tomorrow, I have nothing to do but live.

Revealing Vulnerability

In my book tonight, I was reminded of the time I was sitting on the floor of my room and you were lying on the bed when I felt the foundation shudder beneath me. I mapped the escape route in my head, thought of the coats cause it was the end of winter, and was about to grab your hand to lead us outside if the earth shook again, threatening to bury us in three stories of wood and concrete. I told you to be ready to run upstairs on my word. How I loved you then.

And I realized that I can write about it until my fingers are sore, I can think about it into the early hours of the morning, but I can’t tell you how much you hurt me.

For in doing so, I reveal my vulnerability.

Pick Yourself Up

Things haven’t been going my way. As much as I try to let them go, I can’t. There’s just too much right now. My mind jumps from one thing to another when I’m in bed.

I need to stay away from the blogosphere for a while. Not writing, but being a part of my usual cliques and forums. The drama lately has been really pissing me off, and it’s certainly not helping.

It’s six in the morning and I’ve been awake for…hmmm…two hours? Another hour before I’m off to work. Maybe writing this has helped.

Pick yourself up, you son-of-a-bitch, because no one’s going to do it for you.

Edit: Nope. Fuck it. I’m going to work, and bringing my hoodie, and a copy of Taxi Driver. I wonder if it’s raining outside.

Feeling Particularly Single

Not necessarily lonely, but single.

Maybe it’s because I got accustomed to living with someone. Coming home to another person in the house. Going to bed with a warm body next to me.

My cuddle buddy has decided that she’s off-limits¹. I haven’t made out with anyone, let alone had sex, in months.

Dry spells are funny things.

During my last one, I was too stoned to even think about dating. The one before that was more of a challenge.

Being sober and single isn’t quite the way I remember it.

Sometimes people tell me they want to “introduce” me to someone, but I’m always antsy about hurting mutual friends or acquaintances.

One person even gave me the card of a girl they thought was “perfect” for me, whom she met while getting a mortgage approved at the bank. “Perfect in what way?”, I asked. “Every way”, she said, “Gentle, polite, petite”. For months afterward, she would ask if I called this person, and give me a disappointed look every time I said no, like a mother finding out that her son hasn’t borne her any grandchildren. I wish I could meet this girl, just to see what someone else believes I’m looking for.

My friends, who are in serious relationships or married now, talk about being single as if it was akin to their houses burning down. They’ve been in their relationships for so long that the idea has become foreign to them. “I’m too old to date”, they say, “Trying to find someone new, wondering if they like you, figuring out if you’re compatible..I couldn’t start over again”.

I always laugh, and think, “Then where does that leave me?”.

I hope it wasn’t because she thought I was leading her on [↩]

Portraits of Gosia

A few portraits of Gosia. She’s a first-generation Canadian, her parents being immigrants from Poland. One can tell she has a very European look.

These were taken with the sun coming from behind because Gosia was squinting too much otherwise. I tried my flash as a fill-in to balance the brightness of the background, which helped increased saturation in the foreground. I love the colours in these shots, they’re so dreamy.

Another addition to my body shot series. Gosia’s a competitive volleyball player, so she has awesome abs (not to mention killer curves).

Thumbnail: Gosia's reflection in a mirror

A lot of guys are somewhat blinded by Gosia’s beautiful big eyes and curvy figure; they’re don’t realize that she’s quite a strong, intelligent person with a good head on her shoulders. The idea of these shots was to cover up part of her face, not through the framing of the picture, but using objects to help the viewer see past her physical beauty.