Posts tagged with "bachelor life"

Finding Love For Two Bachelors

The fact that my dad and I are the eligible bachelors in the family means we get a lot of advice around the dinner table. They bring up available women. Friends of friends, daughters of dance partners, or this-person-I-know.

It’s strange to come upon the sudden realization that my dad and I are at the same point in life. Does that make me old, or him young?

They ask us our tastes: Looks? Personality? Older or younger? I say, “Money”, but they know me well enough to know I’m joking. A joke to hide my answer, for to reveal myself in this way is to expose a certain vulnerability. So they sidestep the question and ask me if I’m after anyone, thinking that if I describe a person I’m interested in, they’ll be able to figure out what I’m looking for. It’s complicated, I think to myself, so only reply with a “No”. They ask me if there’s anyone after me. “No”. That’s even more complicated.

Last week, my grandmother asked me how old I was. “28”, I told her. “Already! You’re almost 30. It’s time for you to get married.” She says if I stay in Hong Kong all the girls will be after me because I have some kind of gentleman scholar look. My dad too; he’s the man’s man, who’s always been fun and popular. And we have Canadian passports. Apparently, we’re in demand.

But they also want to make sure we’re not getting involved with the wrong type of women. Someone who will take our money once we’re married, or force alimony once they trap us with children. They tell us to keep an eye on each other. I say that my dad doesn’t need my approval if he wants to get married, but I don’t need his approval either. So they tell us to bring our girls to meet them, to be sure they’re okay.

I wonder; is love this easy for other people? Something others can control, when I can’t control it myself?

Missing Kissing

I’m facing the very tangible possibility that I’ll be single for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wonder how I’ll survive. The strange part is that I feel like I was meant to be in a relationship. Quixotic ideas and romantic ideals have always pointed me in that direction, but either the right person hasn’t come along, or they’re taken.

At the same time, I wonder if I can be in another relationship. I’ve grown so accustomed to living alone, having things exactly my way, with time to work on my projects. No maintenance, as it were. How I do enjoy the freedom.

One situation isn’t better than the other, of course. Both have their pros and cons.

Still.

I miss kissing. More than the sex.

The quick acknowledgment of love in the form of a peck, or the intimacy of a make-out session.

Has the winter brought this feeling? Has the sight of snow and snowfall reminded me of how frigid the nights can be when you’re by yourself?

Or maybe it’s from being single for this long.

Feeling Particularly Single

Not necessarily lonely, but single.

Maybe it’s because I got accustomed to living with someone. Coming home to another person in the house. Going to bed with a warm body next to me.

My cuddle buddy has decided that she’s off-limits1. I haven’t made out with anyone, let alone had sex, in months.

Dry spells are funny things.

During my last one, I was too stoned to even think about dating. The one before that was more of a challenge.

Being sober and single isn’t quite the way I remember it.

Sometimes people tell me they want to “introduce” me to someone, but I’m always antsy about hurting mutual friends or acquaintances.

One person even gave me the card of a girl they thought was “perfect” for me, whom she met while getting a mortgage approved at the bank. “Perfect in what way?”, I asked. “Every way”, she said, “Gentle, polite, petite”. For months afterward, she would ask if I called this person, and give me a disappointed look every time I said no, like a mother finding out that her son hasn’t borne her any grandchildren. I wish I could meet this girl, just to see what someone else believes I’m looking for.

My friends, who are in serious relationships or married now, talk about being single as if it was akin to their houses burning down. They’ve been in their relationships for so long that the idea has become foreign to them. “I’m too old to date”, they say, “Trying to find someone new, wondering if they like you, figuring out if you’re compatible..I couldn’t start over again”.

I always laugh, and think, “Then where does that leave me?”.

  1. I hope it wasn’t because she thought I was leading her on []