It’s the same thing every Tuesday and Thursday.
I get home from work. I have some yogurt. I power nap. I wake up. I eat some fruit. I take the bus to my Tai Chi class.
I’m more productive on the bus than at home. It forces me to sit, and removes me of all distractions.
Some days I like to zone out. I listen to music and let my mind wander. Lately though, I’ve been reading, to whittle down my list of purchased-but-not-finished books:
- Beautiful Losers* by Leonard Cohen
- Mao: The Unknown Story* by Jung Chang and Jon Halliday
- The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff
- Tai Chi Chuan: The Martial Side* by Michael Babin
- Power Taiji by Michael Babin
- Yang-Style Tai Chi by Michael Babin
- The Taoist I Ching translated by Thomas Cleary
- The Tao* by Mark Forstater
Note: Those marked with an asterisk are ones I’ve begun reading.
The one I’m focusing on now is the Mao book (which is a tome that breaks my back when I carry it in a shoulder bag) because I’m near the end of his life and it’s getting so good and so juicy. Nearly 10 months after Bronwen’s parents gave it to me last Christmas, I’m almost finished.
And I get so depressed when I read it because it’s filled with stories of such tragedy, cruelty, and misfortune. Mao proves to be such a monster, with over 70 million people dead from starvation, suicide, or torture, that it fills me with an almost infinite sadness.
Then I get to my Tai Chi class, and it’s so small and intimate, with such a great group of people, that I feel enlightened. It’s such a beautiful, tangible expression of my beliefs. My classmates are all generous, unpretentious people. The contact when I’m pushing hands, uprooting, force-deflecting — the only physical contact I have in the week now — charges me, and stave’s the loneliness for another day.
When class is over, I get back on the bus and read more about Mao, and hurt again.
I come home around quarter to ten and cook dinner and eat and write a bit and get to sleep way too late.
It’s an emotional roller coaster I go through twice a week.