
Hi, and welcome back to another episode of “Télévision Educative”. Tonight, I’ll show you how dreams are prepared. People think it’s a very simple and easy process but it’s a bit more complicated than that. As you can see, a very delicate combination of complex ingredients is the key. First, we put in some random thoughts. And then, we add a little bit of reminiscences of the day…mixed with some memories from the past.
I slept through the night. This means I’m either exhausted or complacent. I’m not sure if I want complacent because it probably means I’m resigned.
Resignation is so depressing. At the same time, it’s a certainty that brings comfort, the same way hope is both torturous and inspiring.
“And working is the best remedy, then? Keeps your brain busy.”
“How can you work? Love is too powerful. You can’t concentrate.”
I’ve been working the last two weekends, trying to catch up on time I lost while I was away. I really couldn’t afford to take so much leave from work without pay, and there are deadlines for projects I’ve taken up on the side.
This weekend was especially productive. I got a lot done, but there’s so much more to go. It seems like there’s never enough time, so I just keep my head down and work through it.
I haven’t had much a break since I’ve been back. So this is my break. The written word.
Feels like I’m sleepwalking, lucid, unsure of what’s real or what I’m feeling. This morning I asked myself, “Have I really woken up yet?”
Joel and Charlotte agreed to take care of Dolly while I was in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, the combination of another cat, a dog, a new environment, and my absence, stressed her out. She started marking her territory (on their couch), even with her own litter box in a secluded area, so they decided to bring her back to my house, and let Julie take care of her from then on.
I found this drawing on my white board when I got back. Along with an especially affectionate cat, it was a nice little thing to come home to.
I had been writing non-stop for weeks. I’m not sure if it was restlessness, or if I had too much to get off my chest, or what. Sometimes I wrote two or three entries at the same time, because my mind went off in so many different directions. It’s always been a habit to over-analyze things.
Then at some point, the world stopped making sense. My mind went blank, leaving me with nothing to say. It’s like my brain had given up on trying to figure it all out. I guess it’s better than thinking too much.
I feel so distant from everything now. A strange numbness, unlike anything I’ve felt before. The things that used to matter don’t seem important anymore. Or maybe I just stopped caring.
Every now and then, I get a surge of emotion, and I’m unsure of whether I should fight it or embrace it.