Yearly Archives: 2004

Music Saves The Day

I was rid­ing the bus the oth­er day, and a woman got on and sat in a per­pen­dic­u­lar seat in front of me. She wore plain mary-janes, thick wool stock­ings, a con­ser­v­a­tive plaid skirt, and had her hair in a slight­ly orna­ment­ed pony-tail. I assume that she was in her late twen­ties, but her demeanour was almost child-like. She sat for a while, star­ing at noth­ing, car­ry­ing a per­pet­u­al­ly inno­cent, apolo­getic expres­sion on her face, as if she had a tir­ing day and was pen­i­tent to those around her for being in such an exhaust­ed state.

Sticking out of her bag was a sim­ple, white, let­ter-sized book­let with the head­ing “DEMOCRACY IN ACTION PROGRAM”, and I thought it was odd that a par­lia­men­tary event being held in the cap­i­tal of Canada would use the American spelling of the word “pro­gramme”.

Soon, she pulled out a set of plas­tic, bulky Sony head­phones (the ones with the over­sized foam that actu­al­ly come with a music device), and searched her bag for the tape play­er attached at the end of the cord. Now, I admit that I’m already gen­er­al­ly attract­ed to old­er, home­ly look­ing women, but it was the fact that she had such a pure look of sim­ple bliss on her face when she put on the head­phones, as if she was wait­ing all day to lis­ten to her music, that I found most attrac­tive.

The Half-Life 2 Hype

I won­der if any­one under­stands how much the release of HL 2 means to me. I won­der if any­one can under­stand how emo­tion­al I get just see­ing the con­cept art. The first Half-Life defined more than a year of my life, the way decades have defined phas­es for pre­vi­ous gen­er­a­tions. Half-Life was my favourite game of all time, not even sec­ond to Chrono Trigger. It was an expe­ri­ence, a jour­ney, not just a game, and the sequel is being released tomor­row.

I for­mat­ted my machine yes­ter­day (some­thing I haven’t done in over a year, even though I used to every quar­ter before the release of XP), to clean up my sys­tem in prepa­ra­tion. I’m hop­ing I’ll be able to run it on a decent graph­ics set­ting; my video card is a lit­tle dat­ed now, but it’s still a DirectX 9 gen­er­a­tion ATI Radeon.

I can’t wait. The entire idea that some­thing I’ve been wait­ing more than four years for will be released tomor­row has­n’t quite set in my head yet.

Long-Term Issue

The day was going so well. It’s the end of the week, work has­n’t been too stress­ful, and tonight is sup­posed to be fun.

One tiny fuck­ing thing had to ruin it.

I can’t believe I almost broke down here. I can’t even cry, when it feels like let­ting go and bawl­ing my eyes out would be the only way to get it all out of my sys­tem. I can only sit here, my eyes swollen and tired, and force myself to work. I don’t know how oth­er peo­ple deal with their prob­lems, because I’m not the only one. I just seem to be the only one who has­n’t come to terms with it all.

Am I just a nat­u­ral­ly weak per­son? How are oth­ers, who seem to have gone through the same thing, not be affect­ed by it? Will this ever go away?

Before, I sim­ply hat­ed. Then, for years, I believed that I came to terms with it. Now, I sim­ply ques­tion why.

Why is it so hard for me to get over this?