He who is not satisfied with himself will grow; he who is not sure of his own correctness will learn many things.
As much as I think I’ve become settled in my character and my mindset, I still surprise myself with how much these continue to change.
Me and my Plushstache (handmade with love by Shannon Gerard).
I used to think I’d finally be happy if I was a certain person — some idealized version of myself who was indestructible, infallible, and flawless — but I recently realized that I shouldn’t see this as the goal. Instead, I should be happy with the fact that I’m not there yet, because change means evolution and growth.
It would be folly to believe that an arrival is also an end. One should continue to struggle, and to doubt, and to hurt, and to be a work in progress.
I turn 30 in a month, and I still don’t know who I am.
The Turning 30 Series
I could explain how awesome this night was, but I think this beard speaks for itself.
It’s a custom-made piece by Emily Comeau — named the Smirkin’ Merkin — and a prototype for Jesse’s merch. As a person who’s never even come close to having a beard, I wanted to keep it SO BADLY even though it was brown and didn’t match the curtains (or the carpet, for that matter). I wore it for the first song I played, but it got way too warm to keep on in a house full of people.
Continue reading “Fell in love with a beard at 160 Workshops”…
I haven’t had much to say lately. Suffering has always been a prerequisite for my creativity, as I only need to write when unfulfilled or unhappy, and lately I haven’t felt either.
The realization that I was happy only came when someone asked how I was doing; I responded with my usual, generic, “I’m doing well, thanks”, and for the first time in as long as I could remember, I didn’t feel like I was lying.
Not that the desire to write has left me completely. I still want to, though only because it’s an enjoyable exercise in itself, not because I need to get something off my chest. The world finally makes sense, and I wonder if it’s necessary to have this blog a place to sort out my thoughts anymore.
I’m satisfied with the person I’ve become. I’ve stopped trying to change, or constantly figuring out how to improve. I like me.
The serenity is getting better still, almost to the point where it’s an unconscious state-of-mind. Things don’t bother me the way they used to. I can dream without desire, I can live without bias, I can give without expecting, I can think without worry, and I can enjoy without guilt.
I turn 30 in half a year, and I finally feel like I’m where I should be.
The Turning 30 Series
The three of us, plus boy.
Like old times — camping, weekends at the farm, studying in the comp sci lounge — with a twist.
One of us is expecting, one of us just bought a house, and one of us has been thinking about kids of his own some day.