Posts tagged with "presents"

not ready to stop

I take care of this moment by taking care of myself. That means nourishing my sense of well-being by spending time with people who:

  • connect with me on an intimate level
  • give me their full attention and command mine at the same time
  • understand and validate what I’m going through

Normally, the goal is to use the positive experiences from these relationships to buffer my emotional resilience when things get rough, but right now I’m just trying to get to the point most people consider normal.

It helps when people make me things like this. I had a Google search box as my browser start page for as long as I can remember, until presented with this board full of happiness, where every update is relevant to my interests. Tiana and Genevieve secretly collected cats for months before giving it to me just because, and somehow there were 91 followers before I even made a Pinterest account to follow this namesake board. These are people who truly understand me, and make me feel connected even when I’m not with them. This is what I need more of in my life.

sitting in a cafe

We’ll get there someday, cuz.

I’ve also been reaching into my past and searching for closure, whether that means giving or receiving forgiveness. It’s humbling to own up to my role in someone’s pain without making excuses or laying blame to protect my pride, but being able to do so has given me more amour de soi. Mistakes will be made on my journey, but it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person, and it won’t stop me from becoming better.

Seeking resolution doesn’t always end well though. I’m trying to understand each response as a message about the true nature of someone’s role in my life, without being caught up in anger. It’s so much easier to forgive or accept someone when I start to understand their reality, even if they’ve hurt me rather undeservingly. I finally feel like I’m getting a handle on my interactions with people, instead of constantly being at the whim of their behaviour.

dog by the door

It’s been a period of such tremendous growth in myself and development in my relationships that it feels like I’ve been given a reprieve. I’ve been working on all the little things I said I’d take care of when I was better, one day at a time. Just knowing that I’m improving in some small way is often enough to keep me going by itself.

I still occasionally get caught up on the idea that I need to be perfect before starting down a new path, but Lisa always reminds me that the person I am already isn’t so bad. Growing is a gradual and lifelong process. I can do the best with the person I am, and that’ll always be good enough.

People Being Nice To Me

Tao Te Ching cover

Louise gave me a gorgeous copy of the Tao Te Ching. It’s translated by James Legge, with classic Chinese art from the Cleveland Museum of Art. What’s especially cool is that the fonts used for the titles is Avenir, which is the same font I used for my second Tao tattoo.

Tao Te Ching page 1

It’s perfect because I feel like I’ve strayed from the path lately. It’s been a few weeks since I picked up the book and read a few verses.

Tao Te Ching page 2

I really like the fact that many of the pages have no verses, and only artwork. It’s nice enough that I’ll probably keep it out on my coffee table, instead of in my bookshelf hidden in a closet1.

Bamboo bookmark

She also gave me this bamboo bookmark, with a Confucian saying on it. I find it funny because Confucianism opposes Taoism, though they both have very good ideas.

Continue reading “People Being Nice To Me”…

  1. Not that I don’t like to display books, I just prefer to keep a neat house. []

Feather Fountain Pen

Feather fountain pen

Pat and Jen bought me this feather fountain pen set from their honeymoon to Europe. It comes from an Italian sculpture store, Fabris Giuliana in Venice, Italy.

Feather fountain pen writing

The nib is super fine; I don’t think I’ve ever owned a fountain pen with such a small nib, which is perfect, because I tend to have small handwriting. You can’t even tell which direction the stroke is going. So far it writes a little rough and scratchy, but with enough use, the nib will break in to my writing style.

I’ve always enjoyed writing. Not just the concept of putting ideas into more a tangible medium, but the act of writing itself, whether it’s on a keyboard by night, or flowing lines on a sheet of paper.

Christmas Wish-List '08

Updated tastes for 2008. Many items from my 2006 and 2007 lists are crossed out, which is why categories like “furniture” aren’t smaller now.

I’ve been told that I’m notoriously hard to shop for. Not only am I extremely picky, I have esoteric (and expensive) tastes, and I usually buy — and so, have — the things that I want. This year, I realized that good gifts are things people want, but which they don’t buy for themselves because they can’t justify the cost. It doesn’t have to be lavish, but maybe a little overpriced, something you wouldn’t necessarily buy for yourself.


  • Canon EOS 5D Mark II (about $2800) — Yep. This is the big one. I had the Mark I on my list back in 2006. This one is full frame, does dust cleaning, and records video now. Even though I have a camcorder already, I want this for low-light and low depth-of-field work that consumer camcorders simply can’t provide.


  • Tea Forté Morehouse glass ($25) — A double-walled glass that can be used to keep tea warm (or iced tea cold). Made with a cover for the leaf on Tea Forté pyramid bags to stick out. No condensation means no coaster needed. Love the design and functionality.
  • Tea Forté tea trays (×2) ($7) — For holding individual tea tags. Comes in sets of two with four colour choices, but I like bone white.
  • Bodum Assam 1.5L teapot ($50) — My previous, smaller Assam teapot broke (rather easily) as I was cleaning out the filter. I can’t give up my love of Bodum products though. I already have tea makers for single servings, but I don’t have a pot for when I have guests over.
  • Oxo Candela Flare (set of eight) ($130) — I’d put these on the banister that separates my hallway from the stairs. It’s pretty bland right now.


  • B2C Expandable Dining Table ($699) — To replace the cheap, scratched-up dining table I have in my kitchen now. Frosted glass? More like frosted sexiness.


  • Tenori-On ($1200) — I’ve been waiting for this to be available in Canada for more than a year, and it’s finally come. I’ve always wanted to get into music as another medium of creativity. I come from a musical background (as opposed to visual arts), but the Tenori-On combines both, in a simple, easy-to-use interface.
  • Aromatherapy Car Diffuser ($16) — For keeping the car fresh, with refillable scent pads.
  • Apple Wireless Bluetooth Keyboard ($80) — I’m hoping the next MacWorld Expo will announce an update, not a discontinuation, to the Mac Mini, which I’d get for a home theatre system (my TV is soon to be disconnected because I don’t use it enough). If this holds to be true, I’d have to buy a keyboard, which I could already use now.
  • MicroFly Tiny R/C Hovering UFO ($20) — Small and easy-to-fly. Something I’d use to play with Dolly.
  • Colibri Throttle Silver Plaid Lighter ($60) — Much to my dismay, the electro-quartz trigger on my old Colibri died. It was one Christie gave me for my birthday, with my name engraved on it. I’ve been looking for a lighter ever since, and this is the first one I’ve ever really considered. I’m super-picky about lighter design.
  • Auto LED ($25) — Plugs into the cigarette lighter of the car, and glows blue (which would match the meters of my car). Pull it out, and it becomes a handy-dandy flashlight.


  • Rez ($20) — One of the most underrated and genre-busting games of the PS2.
  • Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition ($20) — DMC has always been one of those series I hear about, but never got a chance to try. The special edition adds gameplay and fixes various issues.
  • Metal Slug Anthology ($20) — I love the arcady feel of Metal Slug. Something you can turn on, and play with your brain off. The entire series in one game? Yes, please.