Posts tagged with "guitar"

a quiet moment

I took a break from guitar. Not a conscious decision, just days that were busy enough that I didn’t think of picking her up, which means I don’t even know how long I’d stopped. All I know is that it was long, cause I feel the strings vibrating through every piece of wood that touches my body now, one of those sensations you stop noticing after enough time.

I haven’t had much to say either. Nothing seems important. At the same time, I’m trying to move away from this social media overload, where so many people speak only cause the power to do makes them believe they should. It’s making the gaps between my entries longer and longer, and I wonder if I’ll eventually stop writing altogether.

getting dressed

All I have are memories of lives I lived so long ago that I feel like I’m watching them in 8mm. The friends and the lovers, the love and the hate, the cycles and the patterns. I’m only now sorting out the meaning of each one, maybe cause I’ve finally grown enough to understand myself and my relationship with the world at large. It’s com­fort­ing to see how far I’ve come when com­par­ing the per­son I am now to each per­son I used to be.

But such progress came at the cost of my innocence; we aren’t always ready to learn the harder lessons, and surviving sometimes means we change in ways that prevent us from becoming the people we’re meant to be. I’m trying to take back that innocence now, cause I know my happiness is at stake.

torpor

The holiday season is officially over when it doesn’t feel right to watch Christmas specials of Only Fools and Horses. The Trotter boys are out of their element, trying to strike it rich in exotic locales, and the Peckham flat is too far away for things to feel normal. Still, watching them makes me miss the UK more than ever. I’ve taken to episodes of Sherlock to get my dose of London nights until I can find a way to make it over there again.

girl in snow

Pointer of quarry, tamer of cats.

Over here, it’s been a faithful Canadian winter. Bouts of varied snowfall, record-breaking lows, and a spot of freezing rain here and there. My guitar must be achingly dry as the modest humidifier helplessly fails to maintain balance against the constant churn of the furnace.

I’ve been picking her up again, rebuilding my blisters and re-learning old songs. Sometimes I wonder how I was ever able to play certain passages, but knowing I have before makes it easier the second time around. This time it feels a little different though. I have a better reach and a more confident picky, along with some new pains that have found their way into my hands.

cat in cat bed

The cold that permeates the house means Dolly prefers sleeping in her bed over any one spot, and I can carry her around with me from room to room to keep me company. Byron is rarely far away. Even though he’s not as affectionate as Dolly, he’s still my cat in the way he comes to walk on me when I wake, and the ritual playtime we have after teeth are brushed.

With the cats forming a little nest wherever I go, and the view of ice and snow just outside the window, I have little reason to leave the house nowadays.

tides

I’ve been looking for new inspiration and listening to as much new music as I can find recently. I haven’t dared go into much of my old music. I suppose that means I’m not yet completely over something or other. Thankfully, people send me new songs all the time (this gem courtesy of Mansour Chow), and often it keeps me going until the next addiction.

I haven’t picked up my guitar lately either. For the first time, the break has been self-imposed, though out of a desire to pursue other interests more than anything else. Also possibly the fact that I lost two months of growth when I chipped my thumbnail, and I’m not interested in learning anything that requires a thumbpick right now. Ever since my dad gave me Larissa as a birthday present two years ago, I haven’t able to put her down until now. I’m hoping it’ll reset a few bad habits, and give me more focus when I start again.

Practicing guitar has been the one tangible way in which I could tell I was improving. Now that I’m taking a break, I’ve been faced with an unsettling sense of stagnancy, cause I’ve always held self-improvement as one of my main reasons for living. But I’ve also realized that it’s not always possible to continually improve, so I’m trying to be happy with who I am at the moment, and accept that it’s natural to go through cycles of growth and stagnancy, pain and healing, frailty and strength.

I want to know do I stay or do I go

So.

Filmed a great wedding yesterday, one that left me tired and sore and much deserving of a break. It’s a hazy Sunday morning, and another day that it’ll feel like it’s above 40°C with the humidity. Working nearly 13 hours and turning into a little puddle of Asian man means I’m consciously avoiding the outdoors today. I’ll be content to sip my coffee and peer out the window at the gently sunlit trees.

cat and drink on a hot day

Majel helps us taste-test cocktails for the reception.

Even though it’s getting ever closer to her wedding, and Lisa has an increasing number of things to get done, we’ve been able to see each other more lately. I’ve realized that it’s not good enough to have her meet my needs. I have to fill a certain role in her life too. That’s what brings meaning to the relationship, cause it means she appreciates me the way I want to be appreciated. So often, it feels like that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

I’m glad to have developed a ritual get-together with Aaron too. When we don’t see each other one week, it feels like a year the next time we catch up. Tonight I’m heading over to his house for the start of bachelor week, something we’ve been excitedly planning for a while now. It’s the first time he’s had the house to himself since the kids were born, so I’ll be staying there for a few days of games, movies, barbecue, and general guy stuff, coming back home to feed the kitties every now and then. We’re doing a six person Magic tourney tomorrow, my first in the Constructed format, and everyone’s making new decks for the chance to open some M13 boosters. I think my deck concept is BRILLIANT and I can’t wait to try it out.

Chet Atkins has also been keeping me company lately. I’m so glad to have found his instructional DVD, where he talks with his old man charm about what he likes in each song and how to play them, phrase by phrase. I grew my thumbnail out nice and long for nearly two months, cut it off for practicality’s sake during wedding season, then immediately regretted the decision. The electric strings I’ve been using have a really flat, dull tone in the lower register, and since the bass line is so important in Chet’s arrangements, it’s like an entire part is missing from any song I try to learn. I’m going to try learning with a thumb pick, which is something I’ve been avoiding for a while now cause I hate the loss of sensitivity (like a condom on your thumb), but hopefully the compromise is worth it.

I have things to organize, chores to do, errands to run, and a house to clean before I leave. For now, I’ll enjoy the rest of the morning, wasting time.

this is my happy face

All i want to write about lately is sunsets and awkward hugs and rediscovering coconut macaroons and underwear and secondish chances and growing old and justice and my new awareness of food industry issues and the smell of outdoors no matter what the season and wanting to see Germany and my new Magic decks and that last date and how hard it is to do Street Fighter IV combos and pictures like this

golden girl

and not having to wear a coat anymore and handshakes after really close games and people being nice to me and feeling more comfortable with barre chords and what Geneviève wears and Breaking Bad and Nick Drake’s life and root beer floats and the sound of a melodica and pretty cats and opening boosters and the luxury of saying no and how weird it feels to drive somewhere in your PJs and introducing others to that aloe drink and the same old memories that I still cherish and mini-Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and walking baselines and being surrounded by such good people and having a PS3 and the time complexity of sorting algorithms and wondering if it’s too late to call and how excited Ryan gets when I visit and the songs I want to write and my memories of America and scented oils from the Body Shop and chocolate beers and the image of a gauzy dress in the sun.