The Advantage of Having Stubble

(Turn up the sound!)

I nev­er have a lot of it, but when I do, it means I can scratch my cat with my chin.

Once again, tak­en with my iPhone.

Still

She was look­ing through some of my pho­tos when she asked, “Is that the girl you like? The one on the swing?”

“Yeah”, I said. Then, “Like? Liked?”, because I was­n’t sure.

“You still like her. If you’re ques­tion­ing it, that means you still do.”

Damn.

Where Am I Now?

It’s been a par­tic­u­lar­ly try­ing week. I’ve been feel­ing so jad­ed. Broken. Helpless. Undefined.

Both the cause and the con­se­quence is that I’ve been sleep­ing ter­ri­bly late­ly. Next week I’m going to try to have a more self-con­trol and stay on a strict sched­ule. Bring some order into my life.

I tried to make an appoint­ment with my ther­a­pist, since I have $300 men­tal health cov­er­age with my work per cal­en­dar year (although this only amounts to two ses­sions). Unfortunately, I need a refer­ral from my fam­i­ly doc­tor to claim the cov­er­age, because refer­rals are only good for one year, and it’s been that long since I saw him.

I think of how judg­men­tal my dad was when I told him I was see­ing a psy­chol­o­gist. But then I real­ize that he’s prob­a­bly the only per­son I feel like I can real­ly talk to right now (my ther­a­pist, not my dad). I wish I could talk to my friends, but my thoughts are either too embar­rass­ing to admit to them, or too com­pli­cat­ed for them to under­stand.

I’ve been lis­ten­ing to some qui­et, som­bre stuff late­ly. Trying to acquire a taste for Leonard Cohen’s mid­dle years, when he trad­ed in his gui­tar for horns and vio­lins, even some Depeche Mode. Depeche Fucking Mode. It has­n’t been help­ing.

I just don’t know what to do with myself late­ly. But I’m pret­ty sure I real­ly need to cry right now.

Versace Frames

Versace glasses

I want­ed a bold­er look this time, since my last pair is much more sub­tle. Actually, they’re still my cur­rent pair, as I wear one or the oth­er, depend­ing on the mood.

Following the trend in most of my designs, I’m going for more con­trast and stronger state­ments.

They did­n’t sit quite cor­rect­ly on my face (or most Asian faces, the sales rep told me, as we have nar­row nose bridges), because they don’t have nose pieces. The frames would be too low for my face and my eye­lash­es would brush against the lens­es, so I had to order some nose pads to add on myself, et voilà. A per­fect fit.

Versace logos

Of note is the logo on the arms. This is the first time that I’ve seen the Versace logo like this, but fur­ther research indi­cates that it’s an uncom­mon­ly used alter­nate logo. I thought it was because the reg­u­lar logo would have lines that are too fine for small rep­re­sen­ta­tions, but that does­n’t appear to be the case, as I’ve seen it even small­er on watch­es and bracelets too. Which is just as well, as I would­n’t care to wear any­thing with the Medusa’s head on it.

Missing A Ride

I almost did some­thing stu­pid crazy excit­ing adven­tur­ous tonight. But I did­n’t. Maybe it was too last-minute. Maybe I was feel­ing too shy and intro­vert­ed. Maybe I’m com­pla­cent. Maybe I’m too com­fort­able where I am right now.

Maybe the con­se­quences of fail­ure were greater than the poten­tial gains of suc­cess.

Sometimes I won­der when the scales will tip that bal­ance. When — if ever — will I be unsat­is­fied enough with things to step out of my com­fort zone and take those chances?

When will I catch that ride?