Monthly Archives: July 2009

A Letter To The Officer Who Made Me Drive Into A Ditch

(If you haven’t seen the picture.)

Maybe we have a few things in common. We were both driving back to the office at the end of the day (me to drop off the cases I had picked up, you to do more paperwork). Both five years at our jobs. Both without prior accidents. But I’m actually in marketing, not delivery, and if it wasn’t for the fact that our so many of our drivers had called in sick, I wouldn’t have been on the road at this particular time on this particular day.

It was actually a few factors that led to my driving into the dirt shoulder, and eventually, settling in a ditch facing the wrong way in the grassy median. You drove from the onramp directly into the passing lane — where I was — without checking your blind spot. Or signaling. I didn’t realize you were coming into my lane and about to hit me until it was too late. I didn’t have time to brake, so I had to drive half onto the shoulder. As I steered back onto the cement road, it caused a difference in traction between my left and right tires. It made me veer left, and I tried to correct it by steering right. Then the same thing happened in the opposite direction.

Continue reading “A Letter To The Officer Who Made Me Drive Into A Ditch”…

The Appreciation Paradox

Often, when someone thanks me, I find myself saying “Don’t mention it” or “No need to thank me”. Yet when someone doesn’t thank me for a favour, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.

It’s a funny thing that I feel like a thank-you is unnecessary only after someone has said it. Maybe it’s because as long as the person appreciates the favour, that’s all that matters.

It’s similar to the way Pat once offered to let me stay with him and Jen if I ever find myself without a job and a house. I’d probably never take him up on the offer because I never want to be a burden anyone. At the same time, he knows this and doesn’t expect me to take him up on it, but he offered anyway because he knows I wouldn’t take it for granted, and would still be happy to take me in if the situation warranted it.

Perhaps such acts become more of an acknowledgment than a practical gesture. As long as I know that someone is appreciative and recognizes a favour, that’s all that matters. But really, isn’t that what a thank you is — an acknowledgment through thanks? At the same time, without a thank you, how would we know that someone is appreciative?

It’s like the act itself is simultaneously necessary and unnecessary.

this ambition made me tough

Dirty pool

If it hasn’t been painfully obvious already, I’ve been busy. Even though it’s only been four days since my last entry, I think that’s the longest I’ve ever gone without writing since my month-long hiatus back in 2006. There are so many thoughts I have been putting in the back of my head to write down, so many photos I have yet to work on and post.

kitty 1

The big project is the house show on Saturday. This week I’m getting things ready: cleaning; buying ice, ice cream, and toppings for the ice cream bar, cups, spoons; moving furniture; creating playlists for the lounge time before the show; organizing food and sleeping arrangements for the artists; and preparing to capture the whole ideal in picture and video.

Pho with Aaron and Trolley

I think I’ll be able to breathe again some time in mid August. Until then, I’m working away happily, and learning to prioritize instead of doing what I feel like.

Kitty 2

But even then, I don’t think I’ll want to stop. I’m quite enjoying these projects, or, should I say, finishing them because it means I’m productive, and there doesn’t seem to be anything more satisfying at the moment. I haven’t sat down and lost myself in a game in a while, which is strange for me. And even stranger that I’m not jonesing, as it used to be my favourite pastime, and the only one that would relax me. Most of my relaxation time now comes in little doses of quick iPhone games.

Window shopping

I like being busy.

But we’ll see how long that lasts.

The Case For Nature (vs Nurture)

When I was young, my dad had a fight with his brother over opening a convenience store next to a pharmacy (my uncle is a pharmacist) in a plaza that my grandmother owned. Both types of stores have lots of competing products, so the argument was about who would be the one to open their store. I guess my dad won, because he bought the convenience store and ran it for quite a few years.

After that, I didn’t see my uncle or his family at all. For so long that I completely forgot that I had a cousin, Crystal.

When my grandmother came from Hong Kong to visit one year, she reunited the families again, and I saw them for the first time in a long while1.

At that time, the popular thing to do was play cards. I had the reputation as being the fastest, most dexterous dealer out of all the kids. But when I went over to my uncle’s house one day and we were playing Asshole, I noticed Crystal dealing exactly the same way I did, except faster, without even paying attention.

It was at that point that I realized, “This person is my family”.

The only other time I had such a stark realization was during my trip to Hong Kong earlier this year. At an international buffet, we grabbed some dessert from the cart and ordered some tea. My uncle, aunt (both siblings of my dad), and I were sitting at the table, with delicious pastries in front of us, but none of us were touching them. When someone asked my uncle why he wasn’t eating his dessert yet, he said that he has to have tea with his sweets. And it turns out that was the exact same reason me and my aunt were waiting too. One of these little quirks that one never expects someone else to have, and sometimes we’re even ridiculed for it, and yet here we were, three people doing the exact same thing for the exact same reason.

I generally believe that humans are more likely a product of their experiences, with a touch of inherited qualities too. After all, I’m almost nothing like either of my parents. It was only these two experiences that made me admit that there’s a little more of us that’s inherited, that we’re a product of our genes, than I would have believed.

  1. I even discovered that I had a new cousin, Darren, who was Crystal’s brother. []

Sexual Secret

Secrets aren’t so bad
We’re too young to feel safe
I don’t deserve all this now
Don’t want to feel I’ve made mistakes

I want to tell you everything
I want to tell you everything
But if I tell you everything
What we can build won’t mean a thing

Secret’s Aren’t So Bad, Magneta Lane

There’s this thing, this sexual thing I like. I mean really like. It’s not exactly deviant, but certainly something that some girls may find gross or unappealing.

Even though it’s such a big deal to me, I never told any of my girlfriends about it. Only one of them liked it, and even she didn’t know how important it was to me, because it was something she wanted from me.

I know most of my girlfriends would have probably indulged me (at least once in a while) if I told them, but I never did. Not because it’s embarrassing, but because I never wanted any of them to feel obliged or pressured into doing it. I always think that one day, I’ll tell the right person because she’ll ask me what I like, and she’ll do it for me because she loves me. None of them have, yet, maybe because it’s never gotten boring in the bedroom.

So for now, it remains this little secret I keep, because secrets aren’t so bad. They can be little gems that bring people closer together. So why reveal them all so soon?