Sexual Secret

Secrets aren’t so bad
We’re too young to feel safe
I don’t deserve all this now
Don’t want to feel I’ve made mis­takes

I want to tell you every­thing
I want to tell you every­thing
But if I tell you every­thing
What we can build won’t mean a thing

Secret’s Aren’t So Bad, Magneta Lane

There’s this thing, this sex­u­al thing I like. I mean real­ly like. It’s not exact­ly deviant, but cer­tain­ly some­thing that some girls may find gross or unap­peal­ing.

Even though it’s such a big deal to me, I nev­er told any of my girl­friends about it. Only one of them liked it, and even she did­n’t know how impor­tant it was to me, because it was some­thing she want­ed from me.

I know most of my girl­friends would have prob­a­bly indulged me (at least once in a while) if I told them, but I nev­er did. Not because it’s embar­rass­ing, but because I nev­er want­ed any of them to feel oblig­ed or pres­sured into doing it. I always think that one day, I’ll tell the right per­son because she’ll ask me what I like, and she’ll do it for me because she loves me. None of them have, yet, maybe because it’s nev­er got­ten bor­ing in the bed­room.

So for now, it remains this lit­tle secret I keep, because secrets aren’t so bad. They can be lit­tle gems that bring peo­ple clos­er togeth­er. So why reveal them all so soon?


  1. the hold­ing off is spe­cial. but what if you real­ly like, once expressed and explored opens a new hori­zon of what you like even bet­ter and more rich­ly. you would­n’t have known unless you made that leap.

    • I agree that shar­ing may open up even more avenues of explo­ration, but I’m not say­ing that one should hold off for­ev­er. Just for a lit­tle while, to save things that may mean even more in the long run.

  2. Oh THAT THING! That thing that all the guys like but pre­tend they don’t or don’t say any­thing about until lat­er in a rela­tion­ship… ;P

    • Somehow I don’t think you know what I’m talk­ing about. I think it’s a lit­tle more…uncommon than most sex­u­al pref­er­ences or tastes.

      • Now I’m even MORE curi­ous!

        Ok ok.… Is it some­thing done to you, or that you do, or both?

  3. What real­ly tick­les our sex­u­al fan­cy is often strange to a casu­al observ­er, much less a new sex­u­al part­ner, and some­times you can pre­ma­ture­ly end a promis­ing rela­tion­ship by sug­gest­ing that a stick of rock can­dy would fit nice­ly into …

    But I don’t want to be like Winston Churchill who replied in a slight­ly dif­fer­ent sex­u­al con­text “Rum and bug­gery, my good man, rum and buggery!“when asked what was keep­ing the British fleet going despite the odds against them in the ear­ly years of WW II.

    For those who like to be chal­lenged and stim­u­lat­ed, some of the songs and videos of the band Tool have been quite visu­al­ly and musi­cal­ly elo­quent [in a creepy kind of way] on the sub­ject of “how the pieces fit”.

    • I should­n’t have read this com­ment at work! I had to make some­thing up to explain the laugh­ter to those around me. How very true that being too open with secrets may also have the oppo­site of the intend­ed effect.

      The term “bug­gery” nev­er clicked in until I read it in that con­text. Until now, I had always assumed it was just anoth­er mild British curse, like “bol­locks”.

      It’s fun­ny you should men­tion Tool, as they used to be my favourite band between 1994–2001, back when their sound was a lit­tle less “pro­gres­sive”. My favourite song of theirs was Stinkfist, which uses sex­u­al over­stim­u­la­tion and numb­ness as metaphor for push­ing the bound­aries in our lives.

      • Jeff you say: “My favourite song of theirs was Stinkfist, which uses sex­u­al over­stim­u­la­tion and numb­ness as metaphor for push­ing the bound­aries in our lives.”

        Given the nature of var­i­ous forms of “sex mag­ic” or sex­u­al activ­i­ty as a method for break­ing down one’s per­cep­tion of one­self as well as the world the song may not be a metaphor (you see this in some Taoist tra­di­tions, in “left hand” tantra, some eso­teric orders like the OTO, etc.). Danny Carey is well versed in Aleister Crowley’s meth­ods so it would­n’t sur­prise me if it was less metaphor and more lit­er­al.

      • I’m not sure if Freud would approve of me para­phras­ing his famous “Sometimes a cig­ar is just a cig­ar…” along the lines of “Sometimes a stink­fist is just a stink­fist.”

        In any case, from read­ing his work, I sus­pect that Aleister Crowley seems to have been fond of both his tool and metaphor. ;-)

      • Yeah, as it’s point­ed out above, the name of the song is “stink­fist”. Hard to get more lit­er­al than that!

  4. Others have sug­gest­ed two dif­fer­ent aspects of the same thing. You’ve not said. You tease, you.

    • And I won’t say. I have to leave some­thing up to the imag­i­na­tion.

      • LOL yes, thank­ful­ly.

  5. Only one per­son has ever asked me what I liked, so it’s not much of a secret as it is nev­er hav­ing an oppor­tu­ni­ty to tell any­one.

    That being said only two peo­ple know my sex­u­al secret. One because she shares the same taste, the oth­er because we’re tak­ing it slow and it’s on a lev­el where you have to give it all or none at all.

    Sometimes you have to keep things like this a secret. After all, you won’t want to scare the crap out of peo­ple too soon rather than keep the mag­ic, that is, if it is the scary kind of secret which in my case, it would be.

    • Woah. I sus­pect your tastes are even more eso­teric than mine. There are so many sex­u­al tastes out there though, includ­ing ones that risk death (as David Carradine has found out) do you real­ly think yours would be scary?

  6. Mine’s frankly unin­ter­est­ing to most, and not at all dis­turb­ing. Just.… dif­fer­ent.

    Fortunately I have had one per­son (in the past) that met all my inter­ests with 100% ful­fill­ment or I would have felt unre­quit­ed for life.

    I won­der how many posts we’ll get out of this top­ic; seems to make a lot of ques­tions…

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