Posts tagged with "social commentary"

it’s complicated

At the very least, theirs was a friendship of unusual ardor.

Terms like “acquaintance”, “friend”, and “lover” tend to denote defined roles. This makes for convenient social constructs, where we have an idea of the nature of the relationship, even when not directly involved. Responsibilities of one group — care, affection, respect, commitment, trust, will to cooperate — don’t often overlap with another. When they do, terms like “work wife” or “friend with benefits” might be used; re-characterizations of previous terms for a lack of better ones1.

It took me longer than I’d like to admit before I realized how rarely relationships can be so neatly labelled. Not every “friend” considers it an honour to be trusted with the spare set of house keys (and would I really consider them a friend if they’re not to be relied on in an emergency?). Not every romantic partner is interested in exclusivity or commitment. Not every sexual encounter goes as far as penetration, or even contact (which is why it’s possible to have an affair of the heart).

Suffering the loss of many important people has also taught me that relationships often evolve, as we grow and circumstances change. Whether it was due to some breaking point or simply the passage of time, most of my significant relationships have come and gone. Now I can’t help but tread carefully when I’m about to invest my emotions in someone, whether that means prioritizing them in my life, opening up with my secrets, or letting myself like them; that’s when I’m as scared of being hurt as I am of losing them.

  1. I’ve seen “metamour” defined as a person who’s in an intimate (romantic or sexual) relationship with an intimate partner of yours, but I like to use it as a catchall for anyone who falls between categories. Perhaps if English was a richer language, there’d be less ostracization of unconventional arrangements or needs. []

Facebook Hater

Someone sent me this:

Hey there you facebook-hater,

I’m forced to contact you though the boring medium of gmail, since you are too cool to be on facebook. I guess all the hilarious comments, and interesting videos and pictures that I post are not relevant to you. That’s fine, I guess if I was a truly interesting person I would know how to make my own personalized blog. My personal life’s tapestry is worthless in your eyes, because it has been woven with the low class, and easily obtainable fibers offered by facebook. If everyone can do it, then is must be crass.

But I didn’t email you to lecture you on your elitist, seclusionary stance towards all the people who would like to be your friend and share the interesting tid-bits of their ever-changing lives with you through an easy, fun, and convenient social networking device, which can only invade your privacy as much as you let it…

It’s funny cause I barely said anything to him about Facebook. As usual, I just explained that I don’t hate it, but don’t think it’s necessary for me when I have a personal domain that gives me complete control of my content (and privacy). This is my polite answer. But he saw through all that and quite elegantly summed up how I feel about communicating through Facebook in the first paragraph of his e-mail.