friendship cycles

I haven’t talked to ____ since he got married, which was almost a month ago. This is an inordinately long time, considering the fact that he used to call me almost every other day. I don’t blame him cause I know he just got back from his honeymoon, moved into a new house, and is catching up on work. I’ve never been happier for him, but that still leaves me longing for the comfort of the only person I say so much to. He was my only consistent source of interaction with the outside world.

cutting the wedding cake

Head table, bitches.

______ just had her 20 week ultrasound, and they’re going to have a boy. When the baby’s born, I’ll have even less of him.

It’s not like I’ve given up on ____, but I have to face the fact that he’s in a very different place now, and needs to focus on his family. That means I need to give him space; it’s exactly what he would do for me if our situations were reversed1. Considering the fact that the relationship, marriage, baby, and house weren’t on the horizon only half a year ago, it’s a very sudden change for me.

I’ve learned that all relationships — romantic or not — have unique beginnings and endings. Some are short-term and run their course quickly, others are long-term and last until passing, and they can all come and go at any point in our lives.

It makes me wonder when I’ll meet another friend I can spend time with the way I can with ____. Someone I can call up and hang out with spontaneously, without feeling like I need to keep them entertained. Someone I can have on the phone without saying anything, and for whom I can have an excuse to cook. Someone around whom I can let my guard down, which is probably the most difficult thing for me to do when it comes to being social. There have been a few people like that through the years, but things fall apart, and that’s why I’m left here, missing the comfort of a close friend.

  1. Although I’m sure it’d be easier for him cause I’m more dependent, even though I tend to be the one in control in our friendship. []

4 comments

  1. I was anticipating a large volume of photos and video of ____’s wedding. i wonder if lawyers tend to prefer to be discreet.
    You sound like you’re experiencing some sort of a loss. Funny, I feel like I’m experiencing some sort of a loss :(

    • There probably will be lots of photos from the official photographer. These photos are just my own. And usually I’d have a lot more if it weren’t for the fact that I was concentrating so much on my speech.

      I do feel like I’m experiencing some sort of loss, cause it’s a very sudden change for me. And just as certain opportunities are lost as we grow older and our lifestyles change, I feel like there won’t be a way back to the old days when ____ and I could just hang out for extended periods of time.

  2. I feel this loss keenly too, with a boyfriend from long ago (still my best friend). He’s the one with whom a single word could touch off a series of jokes and the two of us would be laughing for days. He’s the one I had expected would be there forever and now his life centers around another woman (a great pal of mine as well) and his fine little son, and I never get to hear from them except when they’re shopping at the grocery store, for some reason. Maybe it’s because the little one is distracted.

    I don’t think those times will ever really return. And that’s very sad to me, although I know he’s happy now and I wish that for him. And I really like being an Auntie too. But …. I wonder when another connection will ever be as close as those of my youth, with anyone. You meet for external reasons in youth, but you stick with each other for internal ones. Maybe when the dust clears, when we’re old. But that will be so long a time.

    • I used to expect my friends to be there forever too because that’s how I approach my own friendships, but eventually I realized that everyone evaluates things differently. It’s just part of growing up and growing old. Things will always change; the best we can hope for is that our friends are still around after that.

      I would have thought that your husband has now taken up the connection you had with your best friend. Or does he fill your life in a different way?

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