friendship cycles

I haven’t talked to ____ since he got mar­ried, which was almost a month ago. This is an inor­di­nate­ly long time, con­sid­er­ing the fact that he used to call me almost every oth­er day. I don’t blame him cause I know he just got back from his hon­ey­moon, moved into a new house, and is catch­ing up on work. I’ve nev­er been hap­pi­er for him, but that still leaves me long­ing for the com­fort of the only per­son I say so much to. He was my only con­sis­tent source of inter­ac­tion with the out­side world.

cutting the wedding cake

Head table, bitch­es.

______ just had her 20 week ultra­sound, and they’re going to have a boy. When the baby’s born, I’ll have even less of him.

It’s not like I’ve giv­en up on ____, but I have to face the fact that he’s in a very dif­fer­ent place now, and needs to focus on his fam­i­ly. That means I need to give him space; it’s exact­ly what he would do for me if our sit­u­a­tions were reversed1. Considering the fact that the rela­tion­ship, mar­riage, baby, and house weren’t on the hori­zon only half a year ago, it’s a very sud­den change for me.

I’ve learned that all rela­tion­ships — roman­tic or not — have unique begin­nings and end­ings. Some are short-term and run their course quick­ly, oth­ers are long-term and last until pass­ing, and they can all come and go at any point in our lives.

It makes me won­der when I’ll meet anoth­er friend I can spend time with the way I can with ____. Someone I can call up and hang out with spon­ta­neous­ly, with­out feel­ing like I need to keep them enter­tained. Someone I can have on the phone with­out say­ing any­thing, and for whom I can have an excuse to cook. Someone around whom I can let my guard down, which is prob­a­bly the most dif­fi­cult thing for me to do when it comes to being social. There have been a few peo­ple like that through the years, but things fall apart, and that’s why I’m left here, miss­ing the com­fort of a close friend.

  1. Although I’m sure it’d be eas­i­er for him cause I’m more depen­dent, even though I tend to be the one in con­trol in our friend­ship. []

4 comments

  1. I was antic­i­pat­ing a large vol­ume of pho­tos and video of ____’s wed­ding. i won­der if lawyers tend to pre­fer to be dis­creet.
    You sound like you’re expe­ri­enc­ing some sort of a loss. Funny, I feel like I’m expe­ri­enc­ing some sort of a loss :(

    • There prob­a­bly will be lots of pho­tos from the offi­cial pho­tog­ra­ph­er. These pho­tos are just my own. And usu­al­ly I’d have a lot more if it weren’t for the fact that I was con­cen­trat­ing so much on my speech.

      I do feel like I’m expe­ri­enc­ing some sort of loss, cause it’s a very sud­den change for me. And just as cer­tain oppor­tu­ni­ties are lost as we grow old­er and our lifestyles change, I feel like there won’t be a way back to the old days when ____ and I could just hang out for extend­ed peri­ods of time.

  2. I feel this loss keen­ly too, with a boyfriend from long ago (still my best friend). He’s the one with whom a sin­gle word could touch off a series of jokes and the two of us would be laugh­ing for days. He’s the one I had expect­ed would be there for­ev­er and now his life cen­ters around anoth­er woman (a great pal of mine as well) and his fine lit­tle son, and I nev­er get to hear from them except when they’re shop­ping at the gro­cery store, for some rea­son. Maybe it’s because the lit­tle one is dis­tract­ed.

    I don’t think those times will ever real­ly return. And that’s very sad to me, although I know he’s hap­py now and I wish that for him. And I real­ly like being an Auntie too. But .… I won­der when anoth­er con­nec­tion will ever be as close as those of my youth, with any­one. You meet for exter­nal rea­sons in youth, but you stick with each oth­er for inter­nal ones. Maybe when the dust clears, when we’re old. But that will be so long a time.

    • I used to expect my friends to be there for­ev­er too because that’s how I approach my own friend­ships, but even­tu­al­ly I real­ized that every­one eval­u­ates things dif­fer­ent­ly. It’s just part of grow­ing up and grow­ing old. Things will always change; the best we can hope for is that our friends are still around after that.

      I would have thought that your hus­band has now tak­en up the con­nec­tion you had with your best friend. Or does he fill your life in a dif­fer­ent way?

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