Monthly Archives: June 2003

Double-Sided Toast

When I was young, I discovered that toast can be enjoyed without spread. I would pull the crust off, then split the toast in two (widthwise), so that both toasted sides became separated. Each side would then be eaten slowly, carefully, so that as much toasted surface would come in contact with my tongue as possible. The best part was feeling the rough surface graze my tastebuds while the soft centre became latched to the roof of my mouth.

I had always believed that such an eating method was unique, and never thought that anyone else would know of this. However, Allison told me that this is her preferred method of eating toast, and now I understand the method as being more esoteric than unique. I wonder who else knows about such a thing, and how they came about that knowledge.

Drowsy Thoughts

It’s 9:18 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I ended up falling asleep around 5 and waking up around 8:30. I discovered a splinter in my foot I must have acquired while walking to get a glass of water. There’s too much activity in my brain. Perhaps I’ll fall back asleep again, when I can forget about all this, so I don’t need to think so much. Not that my thinking is voluntary.

I’ll let this song play me out. I’m rarely one who’s able to stop in the middle.

Mofuckingtif

Thou map of woe, that thus dost talk in signs!
When thy poor heart beats with outrageous beating,
Thou canst not strike it thus to make it still.
Wound it with sighing, kill it with groans;
Or get some little knife between thy teeth,
And just against thy heart make thou a hole;
That all the tears that thy poor eyes let fall
May run into that sink, and soaking in
Drown the lamenting fool in sea-salt tears.

—Titus Andronicus

And On It Goes

Is it just me, or are beer commercials becoming more and more insulting? Every other beer ad I see nowadays says nothing about the beer itself, but has some images targeted at a specific market. For example, there’s the Labatt Blue “Cheers. To Friends” campaign, with it’s entertaining but pointless Jackass exploits. This happens to be one of the better series of ads (along with the Alexander Keith’s “Spilly Talker” series), which is not only well done, but doesn’t only show attractive women.

Other commercials, such as the one telling us that “guys can concentrate on things other than hockey” while showing a bar full of men staring at a female bartender, completely piss me the FUCK off. Why the fuck would someone show something like that? Do they expect guys to say, “Yeah, that’s true!! Ha ha!”, give each other a high-five, run to the beer store and buy that brand?

Or how about the “Less is more” series, with some mildly amusing situations involving people wearing clothes that don’t fit, due to two workers fabric company trying to save costs on materials? The “punchline” to these commercials is a woman wearing a tiny tube top walking into a bar (the size being due to the saving of fabric, no less), the two workers realizing that they’ve done the right thing, and as a result, are able to dance with the woman. The list goes on and on.

What the fuck are these commercials trying to say? That guys are so base as to be swayed by pretty colours and images? That we would choose a shitty tasting beer based on the women or humour in the commercial? Why wouldn’t you just describe the beer and the characteristics, so that people who like pale brews can know about what makes a brand unique? At least say something about how good the beer tastes, instead of trying to tell me about how women will have sex with me if I drink a certain brand.

Jesus fucking Christ.