Monthly Archives: June 2003

Double-Sided Toast

When I was young, I dis­cov­ered that toast can be enjoyed with­out spread. I would pull the crust off, then split the toast in two (width­wise), so that both toast­ed sides became sep­a­rat­ed. Each side would then be eat­en slow­ly, care­ful­ly, so that as much toast­ed sur­face would come in con­tact with my tongue as pos­si­ble. The best part was feel­ing the rough sur­face graze my taste­buds while the soft cen­tre became latched to the roof of my mouth.

I had always believed that such an eat­ing method was unique, and nev­er thought that any­one else would know of this. However, Allison told me that this is her pre­ferred method of eat­ing toast, and now I under­stand the method as being more eso­teric than unique. I won­der who else knows about such a thing, and how they came about that knowl­edge.

Drowsy Thoughts

It’s 9:18 in the morn­ing and I can’t sleep. I end­ed up falling asleep around 5 and wak­ing up around 8:30. I dis­cov­ered a splin­ter in my foot I must have acquired while walk­ing to get a glass of water. There’s too much activ­i­ty in my brain. Perhaps I’ll fall back asleep again, when I can for­get about all this, so I don’t need to think so much. Not that my think­ing is vol­un­tary.

I’ll let this song play me out. I’m rarely one who’s able to stop in the mid­dle.


Thou map of woe, that thus dost talk in signs!
When thy poor heart beats with out­ra­geous beat­ing,
Thou canst not strike it thus to make it still.
Wound it with sigh­ing, kill it with groans;
Or get some lit­tle knife between thy teeth,
And just against thy heart make thou a hole;
That all the tears that thy poor eyes let fall
May run into that sink, and soak­ing in
Drown the lament­ing fool in sea-salt tears.

—Titus Andronicus

And On It Goes

Is it just me, or are beer com­mer­cials becom­ing more and more insult­ing? Every oth­er beer ad I see nowa­days says noth­ing about the beer itself, but has some images tar­get­ed at a spe­cif­ic mar­ket. For exam­ple, there’s the Labatt Blue “Cheers. To Friends” cam­paign, with it’s enter­tain­ing but point­less Jackass exploits. This hap­pens to be one of the bet­ter series of ads (along with the Alexander Keith’s “Spilly Talker” series), which is not only well done, but does­n’t only show attrac­tive women.

Other com­mer­cials, such as the one telling us that “guys can con­cen­trate on things oth­er than hock­ey” while show­ing a bar full of men star­ing at a female bar­tender, com­plete­ly piss me the FUCK off. Why the fuck would some­one show some­thing like that? Do they expect guys to say, “Yeah, that’s true!! Ha ha!”, give each oth­er a high-five, run to the beer store and buy that brand?

Or how about the “Less is more” series, with some mild­ly amus­ing sit­u­a­tions involv­ing peo­ple wear­ing clothes that don’t fit, due to two work­ers fab­ric com­pa­ny try­ing to save costs on mate­ri­als? The “punch­line” to these com­mer­cials is a woman wear­ing a tiny tube top walk­ing into a bar (the size being due to the sav­ing of fab­ric, no less), the two work­ers real­iz­ing that they’ve done the right thing, and as a result, are able to dance with the woman. The list goes on and on.

What the fuck are these com­mer­cials try­ing to say? That guys are so base as to be swayed by pret­ty colours and images? That we would choose a shit­ty tast­ing beer based on the women or humour in the com­mer­cial? Why would­n’t you just describe the beer and the char­ac­ter­is­tics, so that peo­ple who like pale brews can know about what makes a brand unique? At least say some­thing about how good the beer tastes, instead of try­ing to tell me about how women will have sex with me if I drink a cer­tain brand.

Jesus fuck­ing Christ.