Posts tagged with "Tiana"

reduction

Heather G made reservations for us (and Sergey) at the Back Lane Café last week. We hadn’t seen each other since the summer, before they were homeless 1 and I started recovering. Last time I saw her, she left me with a takeout Hintonburger and a meditation audiobook that she hoped would help me feel better. It was so sweet that she didn’t understand at all what I was going through, but tried so hard to help with very thoughtful gifts anyway.

This time, she wouldn’t let me pay, even though she treated me last time as well, and she said please with such heartfelt intent that I knew she’d be hurt if I didn’t give her the honour. We’d been playing phone tag for weeks up to that point, and between their careers and camping, they could only spare themselves for a meal sans tea or dessert. It made me realize how precious their time is nowadays, and the fact that they made the time to see me meant so much more than the two hours we spent catching up over a great food and conversation.

poached shrimp salad

Poached shrimp salad, with Niagara nectarines, bibb lettuce (for it’s tender texture), endive, lime, and hazelnut dressing. An appetizer good enough for a main.

Continue reading “reduction”…

  1. They got evicted due to an unsympathetic landlord, couldn’t find a suitable place to stay, and ended up putting as many of their possessions as possible in storage and selling the rest. Luckily, one of their friends needed a house-sitter, and it gave them enough time to find a place. []

a million distractions to keep me warm

Two hours later, I woke up without any sense of direction.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to stay awake so I can be tired enough to fall asleep again. The fatigue isn’t enough to keep me down. I had a big breakfast, something I haven’t done in as long as I can remember, owing to the fact that they used to be the ritual of a person with weekends and a need for rituals.

At some point along the way, I realized it’s easier to take care of my friends and help them fix their problems. I can’t figure out why I’ve avoided dealing with my own, but I decided that as long as my distractions are fulfilling and healthy in themselves, there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, there’s nothing else one can do.

In turn, they’re helping me through this odd passage of time, where I find myself unsure of what to do or feel. I’ve had to open myself up to give them a chance to help me. It always leaves me vulnerable at first, but when they listen and understand and support me, all my insecurities go away. It’s a tangible love that goes far beyond words and intentions.

going out in style

Cause I want to has been the reason for everything lately.

I started to understand how we’re all dying in the Silvia Plath sense of the word, so I decided I might as well go out in style. Vonnegut got it right with his Pall Malls, though I choose not to add tobacco to the mix.

Magic draft

Steve draws something really good or really bad.

I quite consistently get my ass kicked at the drafts that Seth hosts, his crew always being made up of veteran players. The advantage is that I always walk away having learned a thing or two, and getting enough new cards to build on a concept is a nice little bonus. If someone told me I’d be spending money on a collectable card game at this age, I never would have believed it.

Magic has been keeping me busy in a good way. It’s never just about playing, it’s also about being around friends, and the camaraderie, and getting fat on Steph’s amazing meals. Those are exactly the things I need in my life.

pho and spring rolls

#1, beef rare, every time.

The red bean ice is a treat I don’t get often enough.

It was hard balancing my time around others and the time I needed alone. I have needs that require the company of certain people, and when I’m trying to meet those needs, that often leaves me feeling very overstimulated. The exhaustion had been giving me flare-ups, not to mention headaches that dulled the senses and eloquence.

Now I have some breathing room, and a chance to do all the little things I’d been too occupied to handle, like catching up with people I haven’t seen in a while, getting the car fixed (from $9k worth of hail damage), filing my taxes (from two years ago), changing the strings on my uke to high-G tuning, or just watching a movie. I’m still in night mode though, where I tend to get the most done after 10pm, and I find myself staving off sleep to do just one more thing.

root beer float

Root beer floaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

I want to travel somewhere, cause it feels like it’s time to step out of my comfort zone again. I haven’t made enough of my own experiences and memories for too long. But I’m in too unstable a place right now, and I probably will be for at least another year or so. Ironic that it’s instability I crave. It’s left me wondering what I should be exploring here.

just another diamond day

In the middle of this heat wave has come a hailstorm that’s dented the shit out of every panel of my car, followed by a series of uncharacteristically cool nights. I slept with the windows open, and the breeze kept me content to be wrapped in my duvet until waking.

It may as well be a lazy Sunday morning in Autumn as I write this, sitting by the warm light coming through the blinds, waxing nostalgic about more than I care to admit. I’ve been trying to write, but I don’t know what I’ve been feeling lately.

airplane ride!

Maybe it’s cause I haven’t had time to think. And it’s only going to get busier in the foreseeable future. I’d like to spend more time alone, but that seems a luxury that’s quickly disappearing. When I’m trying to nurture the relationships that are important to me, it’s hard to refuse a hangout, and making regular plans quickly fills the week.

playing Magic: The Gathering

Tiana taps two swamps to add two black mana to her mana pool, and increase her sexiness to nerds everywhere by 500%.

Probably a good thing, cause I also feel like I’ve been spending too much time alone during my bouts of introversion.

It’s also been a while since I stepped out of my comfort zone. I guess I did enough traveling last year to know where my boundaries are. Since returning from my sojourn in the Old Dominion, I’ve been too comfortable, and slowly I’m being forced out of it as life catches up with me. But I know I can handle things, cause I’ve done it before.

So I’m trying to enjoy what I have now, caught somewhere between day and night, isolation and over-stimulation, work and play, summer and fall.