going out in style

Cause I want to has been the rea­son for every­thing late­ly.

I start­ed to under­stand how we’re all dying in the Silvia Plath sense of the word, so I decid­ed I might as well go out in style. Vonnegut got it right with his Pall Malls, though I choose not to add tobac­co to the mix.

Magic draft

Steve draws some­thing real­ly good or real­ly bad.

I quite con­sis­tent­ly get my ass kicked at the drafts that Seth hosts, his crew always being made up of vet­er­an play­ers. The advan­tage is that I always walk away hav­ing learned a thing or two, and get­ting enough new cards to build on a con­cept is a nice lit­tle bonus. If some­one told me I’d be spend­ing mon­ey on a col­lec­table card game at this age, I nev­er would have believed it.

Magic has been keep­ing me busy in a good way. It’s nev­er just about play­ing, it’s also about being around friends, and the cama­raderie, and get­ting fat on Steph’s amaz­ing meals. Those are exact­ly the things I need in my life.

pho and spring rolls

#1, beef rare, every time.

The red bean ice is a treat I don’t get often enough.

It was hard bal­anc­ing my time around oth­ers and the time I need­ed alone. I have needs that require the com­pa­ny of cer­tain peo­ple, and when I’m try­ing to meet those needs, that often leaves me feel­ing very over­stim­u­lat­ed. The exhaus­tion had been giv­ing me flare-ups, not to men­tion headaches that dulled the sens­es and elo­quence.

Now I have some breath­ing room, and a chance to do all the lit­tle things I’d been too occu­pied to han­dle, like catch­ing up with peo­ple I haven’t seen in a while, get­ting the car fixed (from $9k worth of hail dam­age), fil­ing my tax­es (from two years ago), chang­ing the strings on my uke to high‑G tun­ing, or just watch­ing a movie. I’m still in night mode though, where I tend to get the most done after 10pm, and I find myself staving off sleep to do just one more thing.

root beer float

Root beer floaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

I want to trav­el some­where, cause it feels like it’s time to step out of my com­fort zone again. I haven’t made enough of my own expe­ri­ences and mem­o­ries for too long. But I’m in too unsta­ble a place right now, and I prob­a­bly will be for at least anoth­er year or so. Ironic that it’s insta­bil­i­ty I crave. It’s left me won­der­ing what I should be explor­ing here.


  1. Lately I feel like trav­el­ing, but–ever since I found your blog–I feel your words help me trav­el some­how, too. I gain a new per­spec­tive, and its real­ly nice. When I get frus­trat­ed, I come to your blog and read your words and feel like I get some kind of breather from my own real­i­ty into yours. Things I would­n’t have had an open mind to before, like even triv­ial things such as play­ing Magic or hav­ing a root beer float or a pet cat, all seem like some­thing worth tak­ing the con­sid­er­a­tion for now.
    …I don’t know why I’m writ­ing all this–and I feel I’m bab­bling now–but I just want­ed you to know some part of me, because it only seems like the right thing to do since you have let me learn so much of you. I just want you to know I great­ly enjoy your blog. And I hope you get to trav­el soon and have more great expe­ri­ences and make those mem­o­ries and that you find a place that isn’t so comfortable–that is exhil­a­rat­ing and great and excit­ing and fun and full of sur­pris­es and makes every day won­der­ful in every way for you. And when you do, I will love to read about it.

  2. Did she actu­al­ly MAKE pho? and springrolls?!? wow.
    I would’ve cho­sen rock­et­fu­el cafe sua da, but now that I think of it, root­beer float sounds odd­ly appro­pri­ate.

    Nobody here even serves red bean any­more the way I like it. Luckylucky.

    I’m get­ting super itchy to get out of here. Have to wait for October. : )

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