Posts tagged with "reflection"

Greatness Of My Own

When I was dat­ing Louise, and we talked about our exes, she told me one of hers was going to be a diplo­mat, and they broke up because she knew she was­n’t meant to be a diplo­mat’s wife. I under­stood. By mar­ry­ing into cer­tain careers, you mar­ry into those respon­si­bil­i­ties as well, and they can be too much for some, me includ­ed.

So she was with me. I was­n’t bound for great­ness like that.

Still, it made me won­der; what was I meant for? What did she see in me?

I know I wasn't meant to changed the world.

But I still think I was meant to affect the lives of oth­ers. I was born for great­ness of my own, as small as it may be.

Waiting For A White Christmas

I can’t wait until the Christmas hol­i­days. I’ll have a chance to work on projects I’ve put on hold to make time for paid work. A chance to breathe. A chance to do noth­ing. Some seri­ous me time, inside my warm house, watch­ing a movie while wrapped in blan­kets. Lazy maple bacon every day, her­mi­tiz­ing. I may even decide to go home and vis­it peo­ple I always mean to see when I’m in Toronto, but nev­er have a chance to.

I’m busy with side-work until the new year, and cur­rent­ly not accept­ing new work. On the social end, I’ve come to a point where I’m not only booked, but dou­ble-booked, and find myself hav­ing to pri­or­i­tize plans and decide what I’d rather do. It’s been great for keep­ing my brain busy, and where­as I’d nor­mal­ly feel over­stim­u­lat­ed, I’m now rev­el­ing in all these awe­some expe­ri­ences and peo­ple I get to meet.

This does­n’t feel like a tran­si­tion phase, as the tran­si­tion, or what­ev­er the hell it is, already hap­pened weeks ago. I was at fork in the road, and now that I’ve tak­en the first steps, I find myself on a one-way path through a tun­nel with­out any exits, won­der­ing what’s on the oth­er end.

Follow-Up

(I love these entries.)

First: lis­ten to this. Some days I feel exact­ly like this song. Those days are pret­ty good.

I remem­ber read­ing the blog once of the guy who said that his aunt was Nancy. She was a Canadian woman who suf­fered from men­tal insta­bil­i­ty and killed her­self (“It seems so long ago/Nancy was alone/a forty five beside her head/an open tele­phone”), and Cohen read about the sto­ry in the news­pa­per, and penned this song about her.

Anyway.

I like him. He’s very unbi­ased. He does­n’t try to cod­dle me or side with or against me or force me into think­ing any­thing. He offers per­spec­tives that no one else can give me.

I was­n’t sure where to start, so I just tried to bring him up to speed on my life in the time that passed between us. It began briefly with how well I was main­tain­ing the progress we had made but quick­ly drift­ed to the rela­tion­ship, and that pret­ty much took the rest of the ses­sion.

(From here on out, I’m going to refer to it as the rela­tion­ship. Just cause I’m tired of writ­ing “half-rela­tion­ship” or “rela­tion­ship” in quotes like that. I’d say that two peo­ple as involved as we were would cer­tain­ly be con­sid­ered to be in a rela­tion­ship.)

Continue read­ing “Follow-Up”…