Posts in category "Daily Life"

Where Am I Now?

It’s been a par­tic­u­lar­ly try­ing week. I’ve been feel­ing so jad­ed. Broken. Helpless. Undefined.

Both the cause and the con­se­quence is that I’ve been sleep­ing ter­ri­bly late­ly. Next week I’m going to try to have a more self-con­trol and stay on a strict sched­ule. Bring some order into my life.

I tried to make an appoint­ment with my ther­a­pist, since I have $300 men­tal health cov­er­age with my work per cal­en­dar year (although this only amounts to two ses­sions). Unfortunately, I need a refer­ral from my fam­i­ly doc­tor to claim the cov­er­age, because refer­rals are only good for one year, and it’s been that long since I saw him.

I think of how judg­men­tal my dad was when I told him I was see­ing a psy­chol­o­gist. But then I real­ize that he’s prob­a­bly the only per­son I feel like I can real­ly talk to right now (my ther­a­pist, not my dad). I wish I could talk to my friends, but my thoughts are either too embar­rass­ing to admit to them, or too com­pli­cat­ed for them to under­stand.

I’ve been lis­ten­ing to some qui­et, som­bre stuff late­ly. Trying to acquire a taste for Leonard Cohen’s mid­dle years, when he trad­ed in his gui­tar for horns and vio­lins, even some Depeche Mode. Depeche Fucking Mode. It has­n’t been help­ing.

I just don’t know what to do with myself late­ly. But I’m pret­ty sure I real­ly need to cry right now.

Missing A Ride

I almost did some­thing stu­pid crazy excit­ing adven­tur­ous tonight. But I did­n’t. Maybe it was too last-minute. Maybe I was feel­ing too shy and intro­vert­ed. Maybe I’m com­pla­cent. Maybe I’m too com­fort­able where I am right now.

Maybe the con­se­quences of fail­ure were greater than the poten­tial gains of suc­cess.

Sometimes I won­der when the scales will tip that bal­ance. When — if ever — will I be unsat­is­fied enough with things to step out of my com­fort zone and take those chances?

When will I catch that ride?

Canada Day '09

Playing with Oli

Thumbnail: Little shoes
Thumbnail: Mark and Jen
Thumbnail: Pecan Pie
Thumbnail: Phil and Oli
Thumbnail: Ryan

(This is how behind I am on post­ing my pic­tures.)

Canada Day is always a way for us to catch up with each oth­er once a year (for those from out of town), to see how every­one is doing over some bar­be­cue and baked goods. There are always new faces, famil­iar faces, and this time, it was a lit­tle dif­fer­ent, with three babies that weren’t there last year. My friends are start­ing to have kids.

Sometimes it’s strange to see Aaron with a baby. He’s what we con­sid­er an adult now, a grown-up, a father. Yet he’s still the same Aaron (which is a good thing), with the same styl­ish clothes, the same inter­ests, the same ebul­lient atti­tude, except he’s hold­ing a piece of him­self.

AND DID YOU SEE THE LITTLE PECK AT THE END? AAHHHHHHH SO CUTE1.

  1. Video tak­en with my iPhone, with no colour cor­rec­tion or fil­ters. Not bad for a cam­era phone. [↩]