The Beginning To The End

This was the weekend we first met.

The first time we kissed. The first time we held each other. The first time we slept with arms entwined, bodies bare and buried under the covers.

It was before the snow melted on the verge of spring, when I would open the windows to dry the sweat from our skin.

I put on a song that made me cry, because she said that it turned her on, and with the tears welling up in my lids, we stared into each others’ eyes.

From the moment we touched, there was never any awkwardness. Only a complete trust, a comforting familiarity, as if we’d known each other for years, a gentle nuzzle of the nose from my baby-faced doll.

And now it’s over.

Someone who saw this video sent me this very touching letter about her story of rape and recovery.


  1. Wonderful.

    I love the mole beneath her eye.

  2. It is a beautiful mark. She’s very lucky to have it.

  3. So I just read this now as it was posted before I started reading over here. I haven’t looked at the video because I’m at work and to be honest I’ll probably forget to look at it at home.

    I find it impossible to be so gut-wrenchingly honest and current in my posts. I can never write about the things that still hurt me. At least I can’t write about it in posts where anyone other than I can see them… I’m pretty jealous I guess.

  4. You come off as a very strong person; I never would have guessed that things still hurt you, although this may be because you can hide it well.

    I find that writing about those things is very Cathartic. I don’t always feel comfortable doing it, but once it’s out in the open, I feel a lot better.

    There are certainly things I still don’t like sharing though, not so much painful memories, but more “embarrassing” things. Perhaps it’s all relative.

  5. I write about hurtful things once they are old enough to not hurt me any more. I really hate being judged on things I’m still working through. Once something is done with, I can hold my head up and defend it until death but not so much while I’m in the process of dealing/coping whatever. I do that completely alone, always.

  6. That makes a lot of sense. Writing and exploring bad memories tend to hurt some people, even after the fact. Not writing about it is an understandable way of protecting oneself, to give enough time for one to mend, especially when writing somewhere public can leave us so open and vulnerable.

    It takes so damn long for me to get over something though, that I need to write, as painful as it may be. Otherwise, I don’t think I ever would get over it.

  7. wow.
    this takes guts, jeff.
    i hope it helped you heal.

  8. i dont know when the last time you have checked these coments cause this was made in 06 but…
    hey dude, that is awesom that she allowed you to take that video and that you guys just layed there holding one another, not worrying about anything, just being happy you have someone.
    that is how i am with my girlfriend and i would not trade it for the world

  9. Wow nice description! This reminds me of my boyfriend and I. He is asian and I am white. We met on youtube and fell in love over msn. He came to visit me after two months of talking, and though we said we weren’t going to get physical so soon, we couldn’t resist each other and had a beautiful, playful, and fun time. Playful and fun, two things I never knew sex could be until I was with him. Like you, I felt complete comfort and there was no awkwardness, things I didn’t like about my body were completely forgotten because I knew he loved me for who I was. It was the best thing I’ve ever known.

  10. hi jeff,
    You got a great video, i found it in YouTube, then i open your web to see it all.
    Its a touching video..
    really touch me,, remind me with my ex.. Somehow i can’t sleep around guys (except my dad, i dont know why..)
    but for the first time, i found someone who can made me fall asleep beside him.. (even i can fall asleep when he kissed me..) huhuhu The first time i’m sleep beside him is in a weekend too (huhuhu i cant hold my tears..) he really made me comfort,,
    but unfortunately now it over too, i missed him now..
    and this video made me much more missed him, missed everything that we’ve been passed.. haha I guess he really made me fall in love.. ^^’

  11. Wow.
    Well. I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy I hope to marry someday.
    Let me just tell you this both tore my heart out and gave me hope. I don’t know the story behind it. But since you were saying it was the first time you touched. Yeah. It kinda broke me down.
    I can only hope our first meeting goes as well as yours seemed to.

    All the best. =]

    • Best of luck to you and your relationship. :)

Leave a Reply