A reader sent me this letter (posted with her permission, of course):
Almost a year after I had managed to leave the island behind, the room, the floor, the sheets, the rape — I accidently ended up on your blog entry called “The beginning to the end” and it changed my world. It awoke feelings inside of me that I had for a years time tried to suppress and scare off so that I never again would open up to anyone, never trust anyone and therefor never end up in the same situation again. At that time, all men were a potential threath to me.
Reading and watching that very blogentry have had such a great impact on my life and will to become ‘myself’ again, to reclaim my body and to dare to move towards feeling and being ‘beautiful’ again. Your video granted me the sensation of how sincere, pure and giving love and affection truly are when it’s shared and not forced. It made me remember blocked out feelings and situations and it made me start to long for something that I had completely shut out for over a year.
I have been wanting to write you this email for quite some time, but I havent been sure of myself or if the “new” me (which is the old in fact) would survive and I didnt want to make this into a sunshine story if it really wasnt — but after many downhills, trials and tribulations, theraphy and social interaction, I am there, I am back and I am standing strong again. Nothing will ever be the same, but at least I made the right choice, for me. I have always been lifeloving in overload and even if I am only halfway there yet, it is still enough to keep me going.
I still watch that video every now and then, to remind myself that anything is possible and that you can recieve “help” from the most unexpected sources. It used to make me cry, now it makes me smile instead, isnt that beautiful? I know perfectly well that you never meant to post that entry for me, but it helped me in one of the most difficult times in my life and for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you.
Yours sincerly,
Emma
I’m at a loss for words.
And this has made me realize I must start writing again. One just never knows the good one does.
I was wondering why you had an hiatus of over a month.
While I haven’t had the same calibre of such an experience, I think I found your blog at the right time, too.
Sometimes, when I feel panic bubbling in my chest, I’ll read through some of your posts and feel exponentially better, and I close the window with a sense of hope that tomorrow will work itself out.
PS. Thank you.
PPS. What an amazing letter.
Wow…it must be an unbelievable compliment to be able to touch someone so deeply. Keep up the amazing writing and I’m really looking forward to your show :)
@MK — Interesting. At the moment, it’s hard for me to understand why someone would feel better after reading my posts, because I certainly don’t feel right, right now. Maybe I come off with a certain amount of hope that I’m not conscious of myself.
@trolley — Yeah, it’s a very nice feeling to know that I was able to affect someone in a positive way, without even meaning to.
People come off feeling better after reading your posts for the simple reason that there is joy in knowing someone else is just as baffled by this code of a world as they are.
(And I had no idea you ever had read me, which makes me feel even better.)
That makes a lot of sense. It feels better knowing you’re not alone in this world.
Don’t be. It were your words that brought her peace.
I’ve been dealing with a break up for months now and I’ve been on and off of your blog as well. I find it very comforting to read some of the posts and comments.
Thanks for putting this blog together. I’m getting inspired to start my own however my English vocabulary is not as strong as yours and often times I find it difficult to express my emotions and feelings.
Such a strong woman!
I heartily agree.