Monthly Archives: May 2003

My Own Deadline

I feel as if I have so much to say with­out the appro­pri­ate time to say it in. Every time I over­flow with emo­tion I feel the need to write, and it ends up lead­ing to nowhere, sim­ply because I’m too busy or too tired. Even now I can only think of the errands I need to run tomor­row or what needs to be accom­plished in the next week. I wish I could spend more time writ­ing, care­fully observ­ing each emo­tion I expe­ri­ence so that I can bet­ter under­stand myself.

But that is all for another day.

Moving To Movable Type

The new lay­out is tak­ing much longer than expected, even though the instal­la­tion of Movable Type was much faster than expected. I’m only now learn­ing about div tags and their ben­e­fits. I’m find­ing it fairly dif­fi­cult to shape one of the default tem­plates to a lay­out I would be sat­is­fied with. It’s amaz­ing what MT can do with its flexibility.

I Don't Dance

Home at last, with time enough to write. Still busy, errands, etc.

I took a short walk before going home by bus from down­town. The bars and clubs are still busy from the big game, and the streets were over­flow­ing with crushes of short-sleeved, tight-fitting peo­ple. I walked by the canal, and it was beau­ti­fully lit on one side from street lamps, com­plete with spher­i­cal fixtures.

A few peo­ple tried to get me to go out, but my fatigue would have pre­vented me from hav­ing a good time. One of the peo­ple was fairly adamant in hav­ing me at the club. As flat­ter­ing as it was, I quickly grew tired of being harassed. On the other hand, another per­son asked, and it was the first time that I didn’t feel both­ered about being asked to go out. I think the dis­tinc­tion lies in the fact that the for­mer per­son gave off the impres­sion that she knew bet­ter than me about how good a time I would have (which is how I find I’m usu­ally asked out), whereas the lat­ter seemed more dis­ap­pointed than any­thing that I couldn’t go.


Camping beach

Trolley shivers


I got back from camp­ing on Monday, and had a great time. We went up as a group of 16, divided into three sites. I resumed my role as the token Chinese guy, since I was the only one on the entire camp­ground. The sites were less than a three minute walk away from each other. Activities con­sisted of bad­minton, ulti­mate fris­bee, read­ing, or just loung­ing. It was 20 degrees dur­ing the day so a lot of the time was spent in the shade. At night it dropped down to about 8 degrees, leav­ing most peo­ple shiv­er­ing in their sleep­ing bags or hud­dled around a campfire.

Some tried to swim, but the water was so cold that they ended up wad­ing. There was a com­pe­ti­tion every day to see who could stay neck deep in the water the longest, but they all ended in ties when every­one agreed that the idea was silly and that suf­fer­ing through the icy water was not worth the poten­tial brag­ging rights.

camping drinks

Most peo­ple brought quite a bit of alco­hol (Wheaties actu­ally got a 2–8 just for him­self), and we were caught twice on the first night for hav­ing open alco­hol con­tain­ers off the sites. Fortunately, it was by two dif­fer­ent groups of rangers, so we got two warn­ings, instead of a warn­ing and then a fine with eviction.

Even when relax­ing on the camp­ground, with no time lim­its and no sched­ules, I dis­cov­ered that pol­i­tics had fol­lowed me there, to a place where one is sup­posed to for­get the stress and con­flicts of daily life. It’s such a pity that life can be so com­pli­cated in the midst of such serene sim­plic­ity, when the only thing that one should worry about is how much beer one has left or whether a fire will be going in time for dinner.

Something that I’ve long real­ized is that the pol­i­tics of life are every­where, mostly preva­lent in uncom­mu­nica­tive or secre­tive sit­u­a­tions. An uncer­tain attrac­tion, a group of peo­ple with mutual dis­like for some­one, or per­haps even var­ied appro­pri­ate­ness in var­ied com­pany are all typ­i­cal exam­ples I’ve most com­monly run across and dealt with.

I always try to remain out of such com­plex affairs, in order to sim­plify my life, in order to have clar­ity. By doing so, I find that things are much less uncer­tain, and I thus have less to worry about. Of course, life thrusts me into such sit­u­a­tions whether I’m will­ing to par­tic­i­pate or not. After all, peo­ple will for­ever be upset by oth­ers. I find that I’ve been able to under­stand and sur­vive these sit­u­a­tions with increas­ing consistency.

It’s quite a dif­fer­ent story when I am per­son­ally involved.