Posts tagged with "emotion"

Gradient

Ever since I got my iPod, I’ve been a playlist lis­ten­er, as opposed to an album lis­ten­er like Nick. I had 10 main playlists, and each one would be for a dif­fer­ent genre or mood, although I lis­tened to my mood ones much more often, such as my bit­ter­sweet mix or angry mix. Now I’m find my mod­er­ate num­ber of playlists to be insuf­fi­cient. Often, when I step out into the intem­per­ate sky which has been so dom­i­nant late­ly, I won’t be able to find an appro­pri­ate playlist. Nothing match­es my moods now.

I think that my moods and emo­tions have become more sub­tle and diverse in the last year. It’s been hard­er to put my fin­ger on how I’m feel­ing, because noth­ing is as base as a sim­ple “sad” or “angry” any­more. I find that the flavours of my feel­ings have become more intri­cate and con­nect­ed, not only because of simul­ta­ne­ous highs and lows, but also because of a greater appli­ca­tion of dual-sid­ed­ness.

Sometimes it feels as if my emo­tions have evened out, that there is less range to the ups and downs. I’ve learned a great deal from the inter­est­ing set of sit­u­a­tions I’ve been placed in over the last two years. This, com­bined with my zeal­ous­ness for self-improve­ment, has allowed me to become a lit­tle stronger and a lit­tle wis­er. Perhaps, in time, every­thing will even out. I’m just not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Because I’d prob­a­bly cease to learn.

The Nature Of It All

I have to get this down before I lose it.

The new Starsailor album is out this month, and I’m not sure if I’ll buy it. There’s some­thing about the gen­er­al sound of Starsailor songs that evoke an almost inef­fa­ble emo­tion in me. I nev­er even knew they exist­ed until last month, but for some rea­son, their 2001 Love Is Here album cov­er is odd­ly famil­iar. Every time I see the sun-washed tracks falling into the hori­zon, I get an odd sense of déjá vu.

As one who rarely has such an ephemer­al, mys­ti­cal expe­ri­ence, this strikes me as a extreme­ly poignant thing. I feel as if I know this album, that I’ve seen it before, even had emo­tions asso­ci­at­ed with it. It’s some­thing I can’t explain, and whether the emo­tions are good are bad, I can’t recall.

Their music moves me nonethe­less. The chord pro­gres­sions are unpre­dictable yet dul­cet, bit­ter yet sweet. I can’t decide if it’s sun­set or sun­rise music, and the album cov­er serves to empha­size this equiv­o­cal­i­ty. I can’t even tell if the music makes me hap­py or sad.

And so remains my prob­lem. Do I want to lis­ten to this music or not? I always find it odd that some­one would not want to think about or expe­ri­ence some­thing sim­ply because it makes them sad. Doing so seems to be so cow­ard­ly, as if one is run­ning from one’s self.

Yet the prob­lem remains, with oth­er music as well, and as clear as this log­ic is for me I find it dif­fi­cult to queue up cer­tain songs. Listening to The Postal Service brings back so many amaz­ing, unfor­get­table mem­o­ries, but so many painful thoughts as well.

I choose not to ignore either, and end up being emo­tion­al­ly torn, unclear in my heart and in my mind.

Virus

In the past, I’ve always appre­ci­at­ed any dis­mal emo­tions I was expe­ri­enc­ing. Even though these melan­choly feel­ings have always been com­fort­able and even inspir­ing to me, I’ve usu­al­ly felt like I’d rather be in a com­pla­cent mood.

I real­ized that some­times it’s best for emo­tions to be felt and expe­ri­enced, no mat­ter how bad they are. Sometimes it’s just bet­ter to let feel­ings run their course, to con­sume the fuel that makes one feel defeat­ed. Of course, this is only pos­si­ble when there is no more fuel being gen­er­at­ed. When there is stag­nan­cy in the sit­u­a­tion and one is aloud to rest in one’s mind, things become much sim­pler. These morose thoughts and ideas need to be embraced and not for­got­ten, so that one can under­stand and learn, grow and be strong.

Eventually, one gets past what has hap­pened, and is a bet­ter per­son for it.

Sadness Makes Me Jittery

I can feel myself get­ting hyper again. I’m still try­ing to fig­ure out why. The last time I felt like this was a lit­tle over four years ago, but I was a dif­fer­ent per­son at the time so all emo­tion­al influ­ences had a dif­fer­ent effect. Every song makes me want to sing aloud, every joke makes me want to die laugh­ing. This is prob­a­bly just the man­i­fes­ta­tion of a sim­ple excess of emo­tions, over­flow­ing in my mind. I doubt it will last long.