Posts in category "Daily Life"
A Reason For All
The crooked become straight
The empty become full
The worn become new
Have little and gain much
Have much and be confused
So the Sage embraces the One and becomes a model for the world
—Verse 22, Tao Te Ching
Yesterday, I woke up from a nap at four in the afternoon. Usually, when I wake up from a long nap, I feel groggy and uneasy, but this time I was bright and rested.
When I went outside, the rain had stopped. It washed the bird poop off my windshield, it filled the air with the lingering scent of cleanliness. In my car, Becky started singing in the stereo.
I had You Broke My Heart by Lavender Diamond playing here
And every time she hit me with the words “cavalry of light” in her wavering vibrato, I had to sing at the top of my lungs along with her, my voice cracking, my dignity left behind me.
I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been so happy.
This morning, I was running late for work. But by the time I got to the car, the sun had been out long enough to warm the breeze. I could roll the windows down and let the air in. The traffic made me even more late, but it let me take my time too. It gave me the chance to enjoy Lenny crooning to me about how true love leaves no traces.
It’s like I’m waiting for something to go wrong, because I’m not used to things going this well. But nothing’s going wrong. Things are be working out. Everything has a reason, no matter how small or trivial.
Taoist theory says that surrender brings perfection. Don’t force anything. Allow things to happen, and they’ll naturally balance out. Perhaps I’m finally believing this, instead of simply understanding it.
When things are going badly, you’re not really behind.
You’re just waiting for the good that wouldn’t be possible otherwise.
Pictures of White People Laughing
Also known as a drinking party at Shirley’s.
This is how I learn that people have a good time when there’s at least one person willing to make a fool of himself, because it sets the tone for everyone else.
That being young is to be young at heart. That to be young at heart is to laugh deep and laugh regularly.
And that it never hurts to have alcohol to help facilitate the process.
Table Tennis with God
I’m walking through a Chinese Christian church. The wood is old but lacquered well. Decorations line the walls: a tree made of childrens’ handprints, posters about the Almighty with slogans in large print, calendars and schedules of upcoming events. We head downwards while a prayer meeting goes on upstairs. A young girl in Heelies skates alongside us in the hall.
We’re lead to a room with two table tennis tables, blue, relatively new. There isn’t much room to maneuver, but the lighting is great. Shou offers us some Jasmine tea. Players are warming up as more Chinese men come in one at a time. They play in sneakers without sneaker socks, or dress shirts, or those shirts with logos you get for free at a company. Their shorts are an awkward length between capris and sports trunks.
Dan introduces himself to everyone. I’m sitting down, trying to place the province of their accents. Tamarra picks up a children’s book and starts to read.
All their serves are illegal; they don’t throw the ball the regulation 6 inches straight up, which means they can put an unfair spin on the ball before it hits the paddle. A result of the insular society they have here, where they play the same people over and over again, never venturing outside their religious clique. They simply don’t know any better.
Dan gets paired up for a match. They both play conservatively when warming up, trying to hide their techniques while feeling each other out. “Some people, when you get it in their hit zone, never miss”. Dan’s opponent makes no mistakes for him to capitalize on, but a consistent defence wears him out. His opponent spends his energy winning the first game, smashing at every opportunity, and loses his momentum. Dan wins every game for the rest of the match.
Hold Fast
I was late for work this morning. The weather was beautiful on the drive in. There were thick, dark clouds hanging ominously in the distance and high in the sky, but the sun was out, bathing everything in brightness. The wind was refreshingly cool, so I had to roll the windows down.
In another weird phase lately. Hyper again. Currently feeling this part from verse 35 of the Tao Te Jing:
Hold fast to the Great Form within and let the world pass as it may
Then the changes of life will not bring pain but contentment, joy, and well-being
Sometimes, I feel like I’m being tested. It hasn’t really been going badly, but it’s certainly a mix of ups and downs, resolutions and frustrations.
I started to notice that I’ve been talking to myself when alone. Sometimes I laugh aloud too. I once read an article about a young man who did a solo transatlantic journey by boat that took several weeks, and he said that talking to yourself is normal; it’s when you start to answer your own questions that you should be worried. I think I’ll be alright.
I’ve come to accept the way things have turned out. I’ve felt this way before, but it never lasted more than a couple months, something that happens when I lose sight of the tao. Hopefully it won’t be so ephemeral this time. I just need to remember that things will continue to work out on their own. To stop trying to force things to happen. To breathe.
And to hold fast to the way that cannot be walked.