Monthly Archives: June 2010

Meat slap

I’ve dis­cov­ered that bonk­ing my cat on the head with a pep­perette will not dis­suade her from eat­ing it.

Then again, I prob­a­bly would­n’t give up bacon if some­one slapped me with a pound.

romantically vulnerable

I’m left feel­ing very vul­ner­a­ble and won­der­ing if I can be tru­ly attract­ed to some­one for who they are, instead of the idea of a rela­tion­ship and the asso­ci­at­ed com­fort of famil­iar­i­ty and phys­i­cal con­nec­tion. I miss affec­tion­ate text mes­sage con­ver­sa­tions, spon­ta­neous plans to cud­dle, and hav­ing some­one to spoil, but I need more time to sort out my feel­ings, and to get over the last one.

This is the exact rea­son I had to take a break from her. I haven’t had any con­tact in a while, and even though I sel­dom think of her these days, I’d be lying if I said I’ve for­got­ten com­plete­ly.

There are morn­ings I wake up with the mem­o­ry of her next to me in bed, pass­ing hours with only del­i­cate grazes between us. It’s as if my sub­con­scious is still lin­ger­ing on what we had, even though my con­scious has giv­en up on what could have been. Wanting to live my life with her became such a habit that I still catch myself wish­ing she could be there to share in my con­tent­ment when I’m sit­ting out­side with the breeze against my skin on sun­ny Spring days.

She nev­er under­stood why such a break would take so long1, or why I could­n’t give her a sol­id time-frame, but now I know it was the right deci­sion. Even though the pain and jeal­ousy have left me, I have to let go of the good mem­o­ries just as much.

Not that I can’t be in a rela­tion­ship with some­one right now. Rather, I should­n’t, cause it’d be unfair to the oth­er per­son; I still catch myself mak­ing com­par­isons to her, believ­ing that no one will be as dynam­ic, inspir­ing, or good for me. Or wish­ing I could some­how relive those mem­o­ries through some­one else, even though I know that new, won­der­ful, unique expe­ri­ences are cre­at­ed with every rela­tion­ship and every part­ner.

I know where I need to be before I’m ready to be with some­one again. I’ve been com­plete­ly tak­en with peo­ple in the past, and even­tu­al­ly I tru­ly get over them. It may take years, but one day I wake up and the mem­o­ries don’t affect me any­more, though they remain as beau­ti­ful as they are impor­tant.

  1. And this break was with the expec­ta­tion that we’d even­tu­al­ly be in con­tact again, which would assured­ly take even longer! [↩]

Jesse Dangerously — Halifax Rap Legend (Live @ Zaphod Beeblebrox)

The last stop of the 1000 Crooked Miles was right here at Zaphod’s in Ottawa. The last song of the night was Jesse’s (who was head­lin­ing) with a per­for­mance of Halifax Rap Legend, the beat tak­en from his upcom­ing album.

I know of no oth­er rap­per who can use the expres­sion “rest­ing on your lau­rels” in their rhymes. I sus­pect this is why MC Chris once named him as the only rap­per he liked.

hugs

Hugs after the show.

Facebook Hater

Someone sent me this:

Hey there you face­book-hater,

I’m forced to con­tact you though the bor­ing medi­um of gmail, since you are too cool to be on face­book. I guess all the hilar­i­ous com­ments, and inter­est­ing videos and pic­tures that I post are not rel­e­vant to you. That’s fine, I guess if I was a tru­ly inter­est­ing per­son I would know how to make my own per­son­al­ized blog. My per­son­al life’s tapes­try is worth­less in your eyes, because it has been woven with the low class, and eas­i­ly obtain­able fibers offered by face­book. If every­one can do it, then is must be crass.

But I did­n’t email you to lec­ture you on your elit­ist, seclu­sion­ary stance towards all the peo­ple who would like to be your friend and share the inter­est­ing tid-bits of their ever-chang­ing lives with you through an easy, fun, and con­ve­nient social net­work­ing device, which can only invade your pri­va­cy as much as you let it…

It’s fun­ny cause I bare­ly said any­thing to him about Facebook. As usu­al, I just explained that I don’t hate it, but don’t think it’s nec­es­sary for me when I have a per­son­al domain that gives me com­plete con­trol of my con­tent (and pri­va­cy). This is my polite answer. But he saw through all that and quite ele­gant­ly summed up how I feel about com­mu­ni­cat­ing through Facebook in the first para­graph of his e‑mail.