Yearly Archives: 2006

What To Accept?

They always say time changes things, but you actu­al­ly have to change them your­self.

—Andy Warhol

Many of my rela­tion­ships, roman­tic or oth­er­wise, are often approached, at least par­tial­ly, based on the hope that the oth­er per­son will change. This change can take the form of some­thing as sim­ple as prompt­ness, as frus­trat­ing as tidi­ness, or as grand as self-cen­tered­ness.

Change, syn­ony­mous with improve­ment, has been the basis of my life. It takes a self-aware­ness of my faults, com­bined with a desire to change these faults, to improve. Assuming that oth­ers are the same way has been one of the biggest mis­takes I’ve ever made. When the veil is lift­ed, and I real­ize that some­one is stuck in their per­son­al­i­ty, I lose my faith in human­i­ty. For the frac­tion of peo­ple who are con­scious enough to know that they need to change, (and I mean this in an absolute sense, where almost any­one would agree that some­thing needs improve­ment, such as tem­per or closed-mind­ed­ness) only a frac­tion of those are actu­al­ly able to do so.

It’s not that some peo­ple have willpow­er and some don’t. It’s that some peo­ple are ready to change and oth­ers are not.

This means that when I meet some­one, I either have to accept or reject them for who they are, because that’s most like­ly who they’re going to be for the rest of their lives. I have to stop accept­ing some­one based on the hope that they will get bet­ter.

Acceptance, which has always been a dif­fi­cult thing for me, thus becomes the most impor­tant thing in my rela­tion­ships. It also remains one of the most hard­est things for me to change.

So should I learn to accept this about myself, the way I should learn to accept things of oth­ers?

Bear

Thumbnail: Bronwen kisses bear

Thumbnail: Bear on the rug

The best friend man has in the world may turn against him and become his ene­my. His son, or daugh­ter, that he has reared with lov­ing care may prove ungrate­ful. Those who are near­est and dear­est to us, those whom we trust with our hap­pi­ness and good name may become trai­tors to their faith. The mon­ey a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, per­haps when he needs it most. A man’s rep­u­ta­tion may be sac­ri­ficed in a moment of ill-con­sid­ered action. The peo­ple who are prone to fall on their knees when suc­cess is with us may be the first to throw the stone of mal­ice when fail­ure set­tles its cloud upon our head.

The one absolute­ly unselfish friend that man can have in this self­ish world, the one that nev­er deserts him, the one that nev­er proves ungrate­ful or treach­er­ous, is his dog. A man’s dog stands by him in pros­per­i­ty and pover­ty, in health and in sick­ness. He will sleep on the cold ground when the win­try winds blow and the snow dri­ves fierce­ly, if only to be near his mas­ter’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encoun­ters with the rough­ness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pau­per mas­ter as if he were a prince.

When all oth­er friends desert, he remains. When rich­es take wing, and rep­u­ta­tion falls to pieces, he is as con­stant in his love as the sun in its jour­ney through the heav­ens.

If for­tune dri­ves his mas­ter forth, an out­cast in the world, friend­less and home­less, the faith­ful dog asks no high­er priv­i­lege than that of accom­pa­ny­ing him, to guard him against dan­ger, to fight against his ene­mies. And when that last scene of all comes, and death takes his mas­ter in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no mat­ter if all oth­er friends pur­sue their way, there, by the grave­side will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watch­ful­ness, faith­ful and true, even in death.

—George Graham Vest

A dog, sim­ply named Bear, meant the world to a hand­ful. His life was filled with plea­sure, though nev­er spoiled, and free­dom, though always dis­ci­plined. In the last year, his health start­ed to decline. He had a glass eye for his cataracts, heavy med­i­cine for his tumors, but through it all, he was hap­py, and there was noth­ing but hap­pi­ness for thir­teen long years.

Bear’s life rep­re­sent­ed a child­hood, and all the inno­cence, insou­ciance, and bliss asso­ci­at­ed with it. Painful, yet impor­tant, his pass­ing is seen as a dis­til­la­tion of matu­ri­ty. This chap­ter has end­ed, so anoth­er one can begin.

Requiescat in pace.

Canada Day '06

Thumbnail: Pat in the hat
Thumbnail: Chaos on couch
Thumbnail: Brother Mike
Thumbnail: Lacey
Thumbnail: Beer in hand
Thumbnail: Jenn with drink
Thumbnail: Sarah licks
Thumbnail: Karen laughs
Thumbnail: Winding down on the couch
Thumbnail: Breakfast of champions
Thumbnail: Maple leaf

For Canada’s 139th, Aaron and Karen braved the rainy weath­er and host­ed a small gath­er­ing for a bar­be­cue. By the time I arrived, sev­er­al hours ear­ly from help­ing Trolley in the morn­ing, I was tired, moody, and smelling rather fresh, so I decid­ed to leave by the time peo­ple were sup­posed to arrive in the after­noon. Fortunately, Pat and Jen showed up ear­ly too, bring­ing with them a deck of Dutch Blitz. It was a game I had nev­er played before, but grew addict­ed to quick­ly. The fast-paced, and con­vivial nature of the game light­ened my mood, and by the sec­ond round I was feel­ing jovial. There were oth­er games too — bul­let chess, Trivial Pursuit (90’s Edition, which the guys won for the first time ever), Soul Calibur 2 — all of which I par­took through the rest of the evening.

I had such a good time that I end­ed up stay­ing the night because I missed my last bus. In the morn­ing, we slow­ly rose with cof­fee and greasy food, even­tu­al­ly play­ing some more Dutch Blitz before I had to leave.

It’s hard to remem­ber a time when I was so at ease in a large group, or when I laughed so much. Maybe we’ve final­ly cut out the intol­er­a­ble peo­ple, the ones who rub me the wrong way with their sim­ple pres­ence. Maybe, as a sign of my grow­ing con­fi­dence, I’m get­ting more com­fort­able around oth­er peo­ple.

Or maybe it’s a com­bi­na­tion of both.

Character Is Destiny

Thumbnail: Reading papers

An hour before arriv­ing, he calls me, excit­ed, to let me know that he’s run­ning late. He explains that he got caught up in the cal­cu­la­tions for my natal chart. Out of the hun­dreds of read­ings he’s done, both per­son­al­ly and pro­fes­sion­al­ly, he has­n’t seen a chart like mine. It’s described as a bun­dle, where all ten plan­ets are con­tained with­in 1/3 of the 360° chart. This means that my ener­gy is con­cen­trat­ed, focused, self-dri­ven.

The read­ing takes four hours of cal­cu­la­tions and prepa­ra­tion, with an hour-and-a-half ses­sion of thor­ough expla­na­tion. After help­ing him with his new com­put­er last month, a triv­ial favour for me but a big one to him and his fam­i­ly, he offered a read­ing in return. I hap­pi­ly accept­ed, nev­er being one to dis­miss such a unique offer. He swore me to secre­cy because he’s retired, and will only do this ser­vice as a spe­cial favour.

Before he begins explain­ing though, he tells me that I can take the infor­ma­tion he gives me for what it’s worth. He does­n’t tell for­tunes, he sim­ply sees pat­terns in the num­bers. It’s up to us, our per­son­al­i­ty, our deci­sions, to deter­mine our fate. “Character is des­tiny”, he says.

I can­not describe this man.

There’s too much to him. Too many facets, too deep a per­son­al­i­ty. He’s a book unto him­self. I could explain as much as I could about him, and one would still have no idea what to expect when meet­ing him. Even today, he sur­pris­es me every time I see him. I tell peo­ple that he’s a stay-at-home dad, an ath­lete, a writer, an astrol­o­gist, but I haven’t real­ly described him at all.

The chart offers a sub­tle glimpse. The stokes are wide, large, and deep with con­vic­tion. It’s a mix of cur­sive and print­ing, a gen­er­al insight­ing into his flex­i­bil­i­ty. His notes are messy, cor­rect­ed. He prides him­self on being accu­rate, not vague like the far­ci­cal dai­ly horo­scopes, and it’s for this rea­son that I start to believe him. There are things that he describes to me — my penchent for revenge, my philo­soph­i­cal pur­suits, my affin­i­ty for cer­tain sports — that slow­ly bring my ever-present, skep­ti­cal guard down. He says that I have a nat­ur­al cre­ativ­i­ty, that I’m visu­al­ly artis­tic, that I see colours dif­fer­ent­ly from oth­er peo­ple. Because of this, he encour­ages me to start mak­ing mon­ey off my art with­in the next 15 years, or I’ll have missed a good oppor­tu­ni­ty. Sometimes it goes over my head; the posi­tions of my plan­ets, my hous­es, my sagit­tar­ius ascen­dant. He goes into so much detail about my career, romance, sports, trav­el, and friends that I can’t begin to list it all.

Although there are a few points of inac­cu­ra­cy, I have trust in what he tells me. Ceasar said “men will­ing­ly believe what they wish”, and per­haps I’m sim­ply one of these men. So will this change me? Will I act on these new insights and become a self-ful­fill­ing prophe­cy? Will I dis­card them, and end up with the same fate? Maybe it’s wrong alto­geth­er, some sooth­ing snake-oil, although I don’t think this is true for rea­sons I can’t explain. It’s too soon for me to tell just yet.

All I know is that I’d like to be like this man. I’d like to be as com­plex, as inde­scrib­able as he is.

Maybe one day, if des­tiny is char­ac­ter.

HomeStar - 21st Century Home Planetarium

Featured on Slashdot on June 12th, 2006, under Toys, Space, and Science.

Introduction

Pat once told me that he har­bours an inex­plic­a­ble com­pul­sion to be in space. His belief is that when he’s final­ly there, he’ll have all the answers. Life. God. 42. The meta­phys­i­cal impli­ca­tions don’t make sense, yet this is what he tru­ly thinks. It’s a strange hole in the log­i­cal being I know as Pat, and only the enig­mat­ic curios­i­ty of the night sky can do this to some­one.

I’m no excep­tion. Something borne in us from child­hood is a fas­ci­na­tion that stems from the unknown. The stars pro­vide enough for us to won­der about for a life­time.

Unfortunately, for those who live in the city, there’s lit­tle chance to see the sky with­out “sky glow”, the annoy­ing phe­nom­e­non that drowns out a large num­ber of stars vis­i­ble to the naked eye and tele­scope alike. As a by-prod­uct of indus­tri­al­iza­tion, light pol­lu­tion has tak­en the sparkle out of the stars, and this is where the HomeStar comes in.

What Is A HomeStar?

Thumbnail: Hoodie view

According to the offi­cial Homestar web­site, (trans­lat­ed through Babelfish):
“It is the plan­e­tar­i­um for world­wide first opti­cal type home. It is pos­si­ble to exceed sev­er­al thou­sand num­bers of stars that to project approx­i­mate­ly ten thou­sand thing stars it can see gen­er­al­ly with naked eye of the human.”

Continue read­ing “HomeStar — 21st Century Home Planetarium”…