What To Accept?

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

—Andy Warhol

Many of my relationships, romantic or otherwise, are often approached, at least partially, based on the hope that the other person will change. This change can take the form of something as simple as promptness, as frustrating as tidiness, or as grand as self-centeredness.

Change, synonymous with improvement, has been the basis of my life. It takes a self-awareness of my faults, combined with a desire to change these faults, to improve. Assuming that others are the same way has been one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. When the veil is lifted, and I realize that someone is stuck in their personality, I lose my faith in humanity. For the fraction of people who are conscious enough to know that they need to change, (and I mean this in an absolute sense, where almost anyone would agree that something needs improvement, such as temper or closed-mindedness) only a fraction of those are actually able to do so.

It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.

This means that when I meet someone, I either have to accept or reject them for who they are, because that’s most likely who they’re going to be for the rest of their lives. I have to stop accepting someone based on the hope that they will get better.

Acceptance, which has always been a difficult thing for me, thus becomes the most important thing in my relationships. It also remains one of the most hardest things for me to change.

So should I learn to accept this about myself, the way I should learn to accept things of others?

4 comments

  1. my first marriage failed because of this ‘change’
    I fell in love with his potential and what I saw as his potential, rather than what was right there.

    You are completely correct. If you love yourself, flaws and all (NObody is perfect, no matter how much you try to change) then you’ll be able to love someone else, with their flaws too…but you gotta love them with their flaws…if it’s a problem..then just ask yourself if you could live with that flaw the rest of your life???
    for me , it’s that my husband has poor table manners….
    He’s no concept or awareness of ‘social norms’ around eating, let alone ‘dining’ in fine restaurants…
    BUT
    he’s the most loyal man I ever met, and loyalty and honesty are far more imp than slurping his food or hovering over his plate..so there ya have it

    My experiences shows me that whenever I become critical of the other in my relationship it’s because of my own dissatisfaction with something in my life or something in myself…

    those close to us are only mirrors…

    and YES
    having children is like re-living part of your childhood..because WHO opens all the toys and sets them up???
    parents!!!!
    besides there’s no therapy like raising your own kids and giving them what YOU lacked…not material things…intangible things… like unconditional love and the skills to deal with their emotions, support at every turn…it’s very therapeutic…

    but I’m glad that I waited til my 30-somethings to have them
    no WAY I would have been the parent I am now….10 yrs ago…
    thanks for visiting my humble blog

  2. i read the other blog entry..regarding self improvement
    I agree , it is the highest goal..the BEST thing I can do for my kids, is to constantly be improving myself , being aware of myself and WHAT I’m doing..
    What I do has far more power (esp. in a child’s eye) than what I say!

    but remember, everybody has weaknesses…everybody
    a weakness, implies a vulnerability..and everybody has the ability to be vulnerable..that the MOST human aspect of us…that’s what takes the MOST courage and strength..to be vulnerable..to allow yourself to be vulnerable…THAT is true courage…

    so, improve away….part of ‘improving’ my be accepting your weaknesses…
    have you seen the movie; What the Bleep Do We Know?
    REALLY…go rent it if you haven’t
    THAT will ROCK your world..
    or not…
    for me it just confirmed everything deep secret truth my soul knew about…so it really wasn’t a surprise…but it was an eye OPENER!

    ok…enough typing :Cheers, AMy

  3. Wow, Amy…you’re definitely someone who understands completely what I’m saying. Kinda comforting to know I’m not alone.

    I imagine that once I have kids (if ever), my goal in life will change to improving for them, instead of myself.

    As for the movie, I haven’t seen it yet, but I did notice it in the local video store ever since you mentioned it a few posts back. It’s first on my list once I have time to get a membership.

  4. Never try to change others, for it is not within your power. Always work to change yourself, precisely because you are the only one who can.

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