Dusting Myself Off Like I Just Stole Third

Thumbnail: Green tea ice cream
Thumbnail: Bronwen with Dolly
Thumbnail: Pumpkins for sale
Thumbnail: Bandit
Thumbnail: Quebec view
Thumbnail: Speciality sushi
Thumbnail: Autumn leaf
Thumbnail: Crab claws
Thumbnail: Sarah
Thumbnail: War memorial
Thumbnail: Spicy pork soup
Thumbnail: Olaf

More than a crazy week, I man­aged to sur­vive a crazy fort­night. Something went wrong almost every day, from get­ting my hair high­light­ed, to almost get­ting killed in a near-miss car acci­dent, to find­ing out that my com­pa­ny was bought out. On top of this, I kept los­ing sleep, which only expo­nen­ti­at­ed the stress. Now is the process of pick­ing myself up and dust­ing myself off.

I still feel over-stim­u­lat­ed, so I’ve been her­mi­tiz­ing. Staying away from peo­ple for a while. I’m lim­it­ing myself to one social inter­ac­tion or extra-cur­ric­u­lar activ­i­ty per week. It would actu­al­ly be noth­ing if I had the option, but I keep get­ting pulled into things because of their annu­al exclu­siv­i­ty, such as Thanksgiving din­ner at Louise’s.

I’ve cut off the woman who gave birth to me. There’s a tremen­dous feel­ing of relief, after hav­ing done it. I’m grate­ful for all the sup­port that peo­ple are show­ing me, as well as the fact that none of them have giv­en me advice as if they know more about the sit­u­a­tion or have more wis­dom than I do.

I hold Pat’s opin­ion in high­est regard because he’s the only one who under­stands from both a cul­tur­al and first-hand point-of-view. He was also the only one who told me, “Good for you”. This, from one of the most for­giv­ing, car­ing peo­ple that I know, con­firmed to me that I made the right deci­sion. ____ offered a unique per­spec­tive too, since los­ing his moth­er at a ten­der age. “You only get one”, he said, although he nev­er chid­ed or judged me about it, per­haps because of the num­ber of times I’ve called him up in tears because of her.

Of the last five times I’ve tried to play table ten­nis, things did­n’t work out once. It cer­tain­ly made the last two weeks a lot more dif­fi­cult to han­dle.

Table ten­nis is the only thing that helps me sleep well, not to men­tion the fact exer­cise releas­es endor­phines that fight the exact depres­sion I was going through. I’m tak­ing it as a sign that I’m not meant to play at the moment, so I’m giv­ing it up until next year.

In the mean­time, I’ve tak­en up Tai Chi. Through the last while, I went back to the Tao Te Ching look­ing for answers, and it renewed my inter­est in Tai Chi, which I see as a phys­i­cal man­i­fes­ta­tion of the the­o­ry. I was also able to clar­i­fy a few of the con­cepts with my uncles while they were here, so I’m read­ing things over with a fresh per­spec­tive.


  1. Hooray for the end of that fort­night then. Get rid of all that dust and good luck with the new endeavours/resolutions :)

  2. Thanks Bean, it cer­tain­ly felt like it was longer than a fort­night!

  3. You once asked me about why the blood tie to broth­ers is spe­cial. It’s because there’s always “The fail­ure” and “The favored”. The favored will feel bad for the fail­ure and the fail­ure will envy the favored. Thus shar­ing the load of parental expec­ta­tions. I can’t imag­ine what it’s like to have all that atten­tion focused. Why the moth­er? not the father?

  4. That’s inter­est­ing. Last week, some­one told me that one mis­take my par­ents made was that they nev­er had more than one kid. As a moth­er of three her­self, she said she had hopes for her eldest child to do a spe­cif­ic thing, and when the eldest child was­n’t inter­est­ed, she sim­ply hoped that the next child would do it. And when the youngest child was­n’t inter­est­ed, she would sim­ply find anoth­er hope. Having more than one child

    And my dad has­n’t active­ly done any­thing to hurt me. My mom active­ly hurts me, where­as my dad pas­sive­ly hurts me with indif­fer­ence. It’s actu­al­ly more like he’s already cut me off, since he’s only called me once since the divorce, and it was a few months ago. If he were more like a father, I would prob­a­bly feel bad about this.

  5. Yes, we all need endor­phines. And I like the pic­ture of sushi. Made me hun­gry :-)

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