Monthly Archives: April 2004

Some Fucking Guy

Left the par­ty after an hour. Some fuck­ing guy, as well as oth­er stuff. Aaron, Karen, Drew and I all bailed at the same time.

It’s too bad, I was hop­ing to hang out with Christine more, or even talk to Sheri, Emily, Eric, or Katrina a bit. I was expect­ing to be home past two, but instead I was home before mid­night.

I did­n’t even bring any alco­hol because I did­n’t feel like drink­ing, but after five min­utes I was steal­ing Aaron’s wine.

Ben Vs. Thom

I was glad to find out that Death Cab For Cutie isn’t a stu­dio band, after watch­ing their video for The New Year. They’re well timed, well rehearsed, and most impor­tant­ly, the vocals were spot on. However, I was sore­ly dis­ap­point­ed to find out that Ben Gibbard’s voice and lyrics don’t match the way he presents him­self. Why does this mat­ter? I have no fuck­ing clue. I guess I always pic­tured Ben as some skin­ny, young, emo god, so sud­den­ly see­ing him as an old­er man of mod­est looks was quite a sur­prise. He does­n’t even come close to match­ing the sex appeal of Tom Yorke, whom I imag­ined him to rival.

Control

With change comes the need for con­trol.

And with emo­tions run­ning through me in an almost uncon­tain­able, effu­sive man­ner, that need for con­trol has nev­er been more nec­es­sary.

Usually, this comes eas­i­ly. It feels as if I’ve been train­ing my whole life for such a thing, that I’ve spent most of my time work­ing towards becom­ing a cere­bral per­son. Except that in the past, it’s was to edul­co­rate the pain.

Now, it’s to con­trol the hap­pi­ness. The almost inef­fa­ble feel­ing of eupho­ria.

Sometimes, I can bare­ly con­tain the surge of emo­tion, and I have to stop myself from act­ing out, to keep my mind in check. I refuse to be one who acts out of emo­tion. I refuse to be one who’s at the whim of what­ev­er mood I’m in.

I will be stronger than that which has become so impor­tant to me. I will be in con­trol of that which I’ve sought so long to have.

Because bal­ance is more impor­tant than hap­pi­ness.

The New Black

I’ve been want­i­ng to dye my hair for more than a year now, but nev­er dared to since there may have been poten­tial job inter­views. I got the ok from my boss today, got a sec­ond opin­ion from Trolley, and have decid­ed to get my hair dyed. If every­thing works out, it’ll be a sol­id colour, either sil­ver grey or fire red by tomor­row.