Homemade wine tastes like homemade wine.
Yearly Archives: 2003
Passing Grades, Movies Alone And With Friends
I found out that I unofficially passed all my courses. I won’t believe it until I get the official transcript.
I just came back from watching Gangs of New York. I don’t think I’ll be going to a theatre again anytime soon. I paid thirteen fucking fifty for a ticket, when I could wait for it to come out on DVD and rent it for a third of the price. There wasn’t anything in the directing of the movie that made me think, “Oh, that’s Scorsese”, which was slightly disappointing. Day-Lewis’s presence on the screen, on the other hand, was amazing. His elocution was just perfect. I walked home afterwards in the thin, but dense, falling snow. It felt good.
I also watched a movie called The Center of the World yesterday, with the delectable Molly Parker as a lithe redhead. It wasn’t very good all around; acting was bland, story was bland and exaggerated, camerawork was shoddy (even though it was meant to be), but the sex was good.
I think I’m shmitten. Bad.
Dolly is getting spayed next week, so I’ll have to find a way to get her to the hospital one day, and back the next day. I might have to take a taxi for the four trips, if I can’t find someone to give me a ride.
I have a fairly easy term, since I only have three classes and a final project to complete. There’s also the fact that I’m not working, so that’s another dozen or so hours I’ve saved. I tried to take a course at Carleton instead, but it turns out that there’s no equivalence. It’s such a pity; my second attempt at galvanizing some of the stagnancy in my life has failed miserably, much like the first. I’ll need to look for a permanent job this term, hopefully computer related.
The Need For Antipathy
I seem to be struck with a great need for mental and physical antipathy lately. Everywhere I look, things are filled with beauty, and I am unused to it. I’m not sure what has changed; whether it’s myself, or the world around me. It often feels like there’s too much to take in, too much to experience, and that I’m unworthy. I wish that I could be cold and bitter as before, so that I could feel better about myself, that I didn’t feel so ugly and ashamed.
Everything is so much simpler when the world is black. My mind is made up, everything is stable, I can create. Yet there is always something that is missing, something that I’m always striving towards.
I think it all has to do with the fact that I’m still uncomfortable with contentment. It’s still an awkward feeling for me, something that I’m not used to yet. Antipathy could change this, but I can’t bring myself to hate again.
My antipathy has mostly left me.
