The new layout is taking much longer than expected, even though the installation of Movable Type was much faster than expected. I’m only now learning about div tags and their benefits. I’m finding it fairly difficult to shape one of the default templates to a layout I would be satisfied with. It’s amazing what MT can do with its flexibility.
Yearly Archives: 2003
I Don't Dance
Home at last, with time enough to write. Still busy, errands, etc.
I took a short walk before going home by bus from downtown. The bars and clubs are still busy from the big game, and the streets were overflowing with crushes of short-sleeved, tight-fitting people. I walked by the canal, and it was beautifully lit on one side from street lamps, complete with spherical fixtures.
A few people tried to get me to go out, but my fatigue would have prevented me from having a good time. One of the people was fairly adamant in having me at the club. As flattering as it was, I quickly grew tired of being harassed. On the other hand, another person asked, and it was the first time that I didn’t feel bothered about being asked to go out. I think the distinction lies in the fact that the former person gave off the impression that she knew better than me about how good a time I would have (which is how I find I’m usually asked out), whereas the latter seemed more disappointed than anything that I couldn’t go.
Politics

I got back from camping on Monday, and had a great time. We went up as a group of 16, divided into three sites. I resumed my role as the token Chinese guy, since I was the only one on the entire campground. The sites were less than a three minute walk away from each other. Activities consisted of badminton, ultimate frisbee, reading, or just lounging. It was 20 degrees during the day so a lot of the time was spent in the shade. At night it dropped down to about 8 degrees, leaving most people shivering in their sleeping bags or huddled around a campfire.
Some tried to swim, but the water was so cold that they ended up wading. There was a competition every day to see who could stay neck deep in the water the longest, but they all ended in ties when everyone agreed that the idea was silly and that suffering through the icy water was not worth the potential bragging rights.
Most people brought quite a bit of alcohol (Wheaties actually got a 2–8 just for himself), and we were caught twice on the first night for having open alcohol containers off the sites. Fortunately, it was by two different groups of rangers, so we got two warnings, instead of a warning and then a fine with eviction.
Even when relaxing on the campground, with no time limits and no schedules, I discovered that politics had followed me there, to a place where one is supposed to forget the stress and conflicts of daily life. It’s such a pity that life can be so complicated in the midst of such serene simplicity, when the only thing that one should worry about is how much beer one has left or whether a fire will be going in time for dinner.
Something that I’ve long realized is that the politics of life are everywhere, mostly prevalent in uncommunicative or secretive situations. An uncertain attraction, a group of people with mutual dislike for someone, or perhaps even varied appropriateness in varied company are all typical examples I’ve most commonly run across and dealt with.
I always try to remain out of such complex affairs, in order to simplify my life, in order to have clarity. By doing so, I find that things are much less uncertain, and I thus have less to worry about. Of course, life thrusts me into such situations whether I’m willing to participate or not. After all, people will forever be upset by others. I find that I’ve been able to understand and survive these situations with increasing consistency.
It’s quite a different story when I am personally involved.
The Moonlight Mood
It’s 2:33 in the morning and the streets here are empty. The lamps illuminate darkened stores with a lonely glow. The buses are sparse and the occupants sparser.
Mood? Not quite sombre, but serious nonetheless.
Fetus
I am usually not one who professes to know a lot. I’m often fairly humbled in front of many others who possess a greater intelligence than me (although I know my fair share of stupid people). I think that intelligence is something about myself that I’ll never be satisfied with. There are too many things to know and learn and improve upon, and the pursuit of such would take longer than an eternity.
Reading back on some of my entries, something which has been hard to do lately, I feel like a child again. My entries seem to be filled with such uncerebral emotion sometimes. It’s as if I can be greatly bothered by things that I should be able to overcome. Of course, it’s writing here which helps me out when I need it, when it feels like no one can understand or relate. It all just fills this written history with bias. Nothing can change the fact that I am still a human person who has emotions, although my life experiences have dampened them considerably.
I feel young when I realize how much these emotions can sometimes affect me.
I’m still unsure whether it would be better or worse to feel more. On the one hand, I can keep myself in check and keep my actions consistent if something happens which might upset me. On the other hand, I feel numb, as if things which should bring me pleasure end up being nothing in particular.
Balance needed in yet something else.



