People in relationships can be divided into two categories; those who love the self and those who love the other. Every relationship is different, not just in the sense of a different pair of people, but also in the idea of the same person with a different girlfriend or boyfriend. Although someone may be of a certain category through one relationship, they may fall into the other category in another. Even crossing categories through the same relationship is possible, depending on the dynamic of a couple.
The lovers of the self care about the other person, but only insofaras their own vested interests are concerned. When the desire of this type of lover begins to outgrow what the relationship can offer, the bond weakens and often breaks. The main concern of this type is what they are getting out of the relationship.
The lovers of the other are lovers in the classical sense of the word. These are the people with an honest love, the ones who care most about whether or not the other person is happy. This type of lover is the one least willing to break a relationship, the one who is more willing to sacrifice or compromise.
Relationships are based on matchings of these two types. A relationship between two lovers of the self will last as long as there is no conflict involved. Once a disagreement is reached, neither party cares enough to make the relationship work. On the other hand, a relationship between two lovers of the other is the ideal match, and generally the longest lasting. Both people are committed and willing to work out any problems that may arise. Usually, the only break in the relationship may be from base conflicts (disagreement on issues which are too basic to work out or compromise about, such as adoption).
The most common type of match, however, is with one lover of the self and one lover of the other. At the end of such a relationship one is left unaffected while the other is broken-hearted, and the end of such a thing, in my experience, is inevitable. In cases like this, I’ve found myself on both sides of the coin.
And regretting nothing of either.