A subject I find difficult to express myself about is that of freedom.
Freedom is a difficult thing to understand. In a relationship, freedom is always bounded by some constraint imposed when the relationship is first made. Yet freedom is a very general statement, even if narrowed down to the situation within a relationship.
The freedom I wish to speak about is that of dependence within a relationship. Freedom in this case is related to a sense of responsibility.
As a person, I find responsibilities to be detestable. I have always tried to avoid responsibilities in my life, and I do it well. The only thing that I am responsible for is myself, a fact that I’ve very willingly accepted, unlike others that I know.
However, in a relationship, I’ve always felt that one should be responsible for his or her better half. I’ve always believed that it should be a commitment when entering such a bond. Yet there is always the separation between being responsible for someone, and being forced to be with someone to serve their whim.
As a responsible person, it is one’s job to make sure that one is there if the other needs it. However, this other person must understand that whenever he or she feels this “need”, he or she should not interfere with the freedom allowed within the boundaries of the relationship.
A generic example may make things clearer. If a boyfriend wanted to spend some time at home on the weekend with his girlfriend, but his girlfriend wanted to go skiing for the weekend with her friends, then the male should not hinder the activities of the female, unless he was in distress, or in great need of company. If his demand for her time is too great and constantly smothering other activities she wishes to do, then he is not being a responsible person and respecting his partners’ wishes.
It has always seemed like such a selfish thing to me, to be inordinately demanding, or unsatisfiably clingy. It begins as a form of flattery, to be sure, but excessive constraints become a burden or strain on the relationship. One finds oneself constantly trying to please the other, without prevail.
I believe that such greediness stems from insecurity. When someone is insecure, he or she is scared that his or her partner is having too good a time, and will hence forget about the relationship. Perhaps jealously plays a part in such a vague subject, and serves as a more conscious manifestation of a subconscious feeling.
Of course, I am guilty of such selfishness myself at times, though I wish I wasn’t. I feel that I’ve improved, that I can respect the desires of other people, so that they may be free to do what they wish. Perhaps this is a sign of increased confidence in my relationships, that all I wish is for others to be happy.
A Nash equilibrium is a terrible thing.