A sub­ject I find dif­fi­cult to express myself about is that of free­dom.

Freedom is a dif­fi­cult thing to under­stand. In a rela­tion­ship, free­dom is always bound­ed by some con­straint imposed when the rela­tion­ship is first made. Yet free­dom is a very gen­er­al state­ment, even if nar­rowed down to the sit­u­a­tion with­in a rela­tion­ship.

The free­dom I wish to speak about is that of depen­dence with­in a rela­tion­ship. Freedom in this case is relat­ed to a sense of respon­si­bil­i­ty.

As a per­son, I find respon­si­bil­i­ties to be detestable. I have always tried to avoid respon­si­bil­i­ties in my life, and I do it well. The only thing that I am respon­si­ble for is myself, a fact that I’ve very will­ing­ly accept­ed, unlike oth­ers that I know.

However, in a rela­tion­ship, I’ve always felt that one should be respon­si­ble for his or her bet­ter half. I’ve always believed that it should be a com­mit­ment when enter­ing such a bond. Yet there is always the sep­a­ra­tion between being respon­si­ble for some­one, and being forced to be with some­one to serve their whim.

As a respon­si­ble per­son, it is one’s job to make sure that one is there if the oth­er needs it. However, this oth­er per­son must under­stand that when­ev­er he or she feels this “need”, he or she should not inter­fere with the free­dom allowed with­in the bound­aries of the rela­tion­ship.

A gener­ic exam­ple may make things clear­er. If a boyfriend want­ed to spend some time at home on the week­end with his girl­friend, but his girl­friend want­ed to go ski­ing for the week­end with her friends, then the male should not hin­der the activ­i­ties of the female, unless he was in dis­tress, or in great need of com­pa­ny. If his demand for her time is too great and con­stant­ly smoth­er­ing oth­er activ­i­ties she wish­es to do, then he is not being a respon­si­ble per­son and respect­ing his part­ners’ wish­es.

It has always seemed like such a self­ish thing to me, to be inor­di­nate­ly demand­ing, or unsat­is­fi­ably clingy. It begins as a form of flat­tery, to be sure, but exces­sive con­straints become a bur­den or strain on the rela­tion­ship. One finds one­self con­stant­ly try­ing to please the oth­er, with­out pre­vail.

I believe that such greed­i­ness stems from inse­cu­ri­ty. When some­one is inse­cure, he or she is scared that his or her part­ner is hav­ing too good a time, and will hence for­get about the rela­tion­ship. Perhaps jeal­ous­ly plays a part in such a vague sub­ject, and serves as a more con­scious man­i­fes­ta­tion of a sub­con­scious feel­ing.

Of course, I am guilty of such self­ish­ness myself at times, though I wish I was­n’t. I feel that I’ve improved, that I can respect the desires of oth­er peo­ple, so that they may be free to do what they wish. Perhaps this is a sign of increased con­fi­dence in my rela­tion­ships, that all I wish is for oth­ers to be hap­py.

A Nash equi­lib­ri­um is a ter­ri­ble thing.