Posts tagged with "music"

The Fuck Off List

Today was gen­er­al­ly a shit­ty, low self-esteem day. I was left out or left behind three times. I need­ed some Anger Management, with a lot of my Fuck Off playlist to get through the day. Perhaps I’ll write a more heart­en­ing entry lat­er tonight, after I’ve had a nice show­er, a hot meal, and some Strongbow. My Fuck Off playlist is as fol­lows.

  • Coal Chamber — Sway
  • Coal Chamber — Unspoiled
  • Coal Chamber — Loco
  • Coal Chamber — Oddity
  • Korn — Reclaim My Place
  • Korn — Justin
  • Korn — Pretty
  • Marilyn Manson —1996
  • Marilyn Manson — Angel With the Scabbed Wings
  • Marilyn Manson — Irresponsible Hate Anthem
  • Marilyn Manson — Tourniquet
  • Deftones — 7 Words
  • Kittie — Brackish
  • Slipknot — Wait and Bleed
  • Godsmack — Whatever
  • Refused — New Noise
  • Deftones — My Own Summer (Shove It)
  • Pantera — 5 Minutes Alone
  • Tool — Jerk
  • Fear Factory — Edgecrusher
  • Marilyn Manson — The Reflecting God
  • Tool — Hooker with a Penis
  • Marilyn Manson — The Beautiful People
  • Marilyn Manson — Mister Superstar
  • Marilyn Manson — Dried Up, Tied, and Dead to the World
  • Korn — Dead Bodies Everywhere
  • Korn — It’s On!
  • Korn — Got the Life
  • Papa Roach — Last Resort

I took out Freak on a Leash because it just does­n’t have the hard hit­ting refrain that I need when I’m real­ly pissed off, although I sup­pose the caden­za in the mid­dle where Jonathan Davis goes crazy is some relief from peo­ple I just can’t seem to deal with.

So I got home, to an emp­ty apart­ment, thank god, opened up a can of Strongbow, and start­ed writ­ing. It’s fair­ly rare that such a day hap­pens, I’m glad to say, in con­trast to oth­er poe­ple I know, who hap­pen to have bad days when they stub their toe, or when they get too many calls from their friends dur­ing the day. That just piss­es me off. Blah, don’t get me start­ed.

Anger Management

I FOUND IT. I can’t believe I fuck­ing found it. By the slimmest chance, I was able to search on the skimp­i­est lyrics (I could bare­ly under­stand any­thing, the record­ing was so bad, so I went on “in all my dreams, I nev­er thought I’d see”) and found a ref­er­ence to it on a Portishead site. The thread had the title, Anger Management. A search for that end­ed up with an album by Nathaniel Merriweather called Lovage. It turns out that Nathaniel Merriweather is an alias for Dan the Automator, and the song on the album is called Anger Management. I was final­ly able to down­load an excel­lent qual­i­ty record­ing of the song. I guess I should sup­port the artist. I haven’t enjoyed a song this much since Dance of Eterniy by Dream Theater, which was in fuck­ing first year. It feels like this is my new song, an under­score track to my next phase. I’m proud of myself for find­ing such a rare song, and it’s even rar­er that I’m proud of myself.

Lyrics:

my inner demons com­pel me to be here
your cheeks are flush like rose petals
you’re con­sumed with rage but i’m con­sumed with you
our eyes inter­twine through the haze
intox­i­cat­ed by your blood­shot stare
in all of my dreams i nev­er thought i’d see
a face that could launch a thou­sand ships
and the music was like wind in your hair
the moon­light caressed your sil­hou­ette
the kiss of ocean mist is in the air
why must god pun­ish me this way
lay down my hand, the next move is yours
as you undress me with your frozen eyes
in all of my dreams i nev­er thought i’d see
an end­less love to share my blue lagoon
and the music was like wind in your hair
the moon­light caressed your sil­hou­ette
the kiss of ocean mist is in the air
why must god pun­ish me this way
hap­i­ness is hard to come by
but i’ve had my fair share
the satin sheets, the lemon peels
the minor keys, the major pills
we’ve climbed the moun­tain, saw the top
and plant­ed the apple seed
and can’t you see we could’ve had it all
and the music was like wind in your hair
the moon­light caressed your sil­hou­ette
the kiss of ocean mist is in the air
why must god pun­ish me this way
and the music was like wind in your hair
the moon­light caressed your sil­hou­ette
the kiss of ocean mist is in the air
why must god pun­ish me this way
why must god pun­ish me this way
this way, this way

Continued Shower Entries

I should end off every night with a hot show­er, and the addi­tion of an entry. I swear, it’s like ther­a­py.

I’m still wait­ing for my iPod, which should be com­ing in this week. The idea of being able to bring my entire music col­lec­tion with me wher­ev­er I go is just too tempt­ing. That way, when I need a Tool song, I can sim­ply bring it up, instead of bring­ing a Tool CD, just in case. I love you already iPod.

I hap­pened to stum­ble upon a song appar­ent­ly called Dan Automator, by Tomahawk. There’s some­thing about this song that is just speak­ing to me right now. I can’t even under­stand 90% of the lyrics, but Mike Patton just does such a great job with bit­ter­sweet emo­tion on the lyrics. The melody is just so…wrenchingly trag­ic, yet dul­cet. The only prob­lem is that I’m pret­ty sure it’s not a Tomahawk song. I saw them in con­cert once, and they did­n’t sound any­thing like this. Also, there’s a DJ called Dan the Automator whom Mike Patton worked with as a side project, and it’s just not like­ly that Tomahawk would name a song (incor­rect­ly) after him. That and the fact that the Tomahawk discogra­phies nev­er men­tion Dan Automator as a track list­ing. I wish I could get the real name for this song, so I could give it the respect of a prop­er track list­ing. I’m sur­prized that I was able to hold off on an entry yes­ter­day. Usually when I start up a page again (I don’t like the word jour­nal, because it’s not, and half the time I’m just rant­i­ng about some­thing), I’ll just flood the data­base with entries, and it will slow­ly become less fre­quent as time goes on. Of course, when I have a girl­friend, I feel I can’t write any­thing at all. It’s like my page is a girl­friend, who just lis­tens to me hate so well, and nev­er ques­tions what I’m think­ing, or why I’m think­ing it. I love you too, you porce­lain faced web­page.

I was flip­ping through some fash­ion mag­a­zines, and read about an art exhib­it being held about the evo­lu­tions of fash­ion and styles. They men­tioned a bal­loon­ing-dress by a Japanese design­er as a wit­ty piece, and a per­fo­rat­ed-wing out­fit as breath­tak­ing. The art of fash­ion has always puz­zled me; it’s some­thing that I’m com­plete­ly igno­rant of, that I don’t think I will ever under­stand unless some­one explains it to me.