Posts tagged with "anger"

Belligerence in Ignorance

I’m not sure what to think right now, but I know that I’m steam­ing. I’m boil­ing. I need to calm down. I haven’t been this angry in a while. I need to calm myself. I need to write while I’m shak­ing. I need to get this emo­tion down, and break it apart, piece by piece until I can see why and how I can get like this.

This is all so very inter­est­ing. I sit here, my heart beat­ing, my hands shak­ing, my mind throb­bing, breath­ing deeply, try­ing to take in calm­ness with each inhala­tion. System of a Down pumps in my ears, the scratchy sound of my head­phones hurts with the great­est of delight. I miss the bass. I feel my blood pump­ing through my veins, feed­ing pas­sion through every ven­tri­cle, mak­ing me mad with rage.

I try to keep my san­i­ty, my cere­bral­i­ty, my mind. I turn up my music. Only log­ic can help me here. I grip to every shred of calm I have, so as to not act on some super­flu­ous emo­tion.

Only this can bring me clo­sure, can give me res­o­lu­tion. A screen of grey, of som­bre colours, of seri­ous­ness point­ing to seren­i­ty.

I have learned.