wake me up when October ends

I was doing well in terms of sticking to my bi-weekly writing schedule. Putting my mind to something and being responsible to myself became a nurturing routine. Then October came and I lost the plot.

pretty girl with bangs

It can’t just be love, right? I can’t be the only one who thinks she’s beautiful. Her gentle smile has me convinced it’s an objective fact.

It’s the appointments: dentists, gastros, perios, shrinks. They all happen to fall within a few weeks, some of them up to three times. I know they’re all there to help me, but I’ve had a frustrating and difficult history with most medical professionals. At this point, I simply wouldn’t have the patience to sit in a waiting room if it weren’t for Heather there to support me every time. At least I found a competent psychiatrist; the first one who’s ever truly listened to me before prescribing any medication1.

Making plans with my friends through the haze of stimulation has been difficult to say the least. Jesse’s also been on tour for most of the month; without our usual play sessions or hangouts, my weekly schedule has felt empty and my life void. As sad as I am to be losing him to the road, I’m glad he has so many opportunities to express himself. It’s always fascinating to see his creative process, and how his struggles become his most intense lyrics.

Danger Grove concert

Jesse’s latest side project, Danger Grove, on tour for the latest LP.

I’ve been trying to pass the time with story-driven games like Bioshock 2 and The Talos Principle. In my restlessness, I also went through the entire Tech N9ne discography and finished A Little History of the World (which was exceedingly helpful for a person whose knowledge tends to run a mile deep and an inch wide).

The only productive thing I’ve been able to manage this month has been cultivating Halloween media for Heather2. I’m hoping I’ll be back to my old routines by the end of next month. If not, perhaps I’ll be better at forgiving myself.

  1. One of the most important questions he asked was whether or not the hospital followed up with me after my suicide attempt. The answer, of course, being a resounding NOPE. []
  2. This year it’s Tales From the Crypt, Scream 1 + 2, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, Diablo 3, and Vermintide. []

Leave a Reply