wake me up when October ends

I was doing well in terms of stick­ing to my bi-week­ly writ­ing sched­ule. Putting my mind to some­thing and being respon­si­ble to myself became a nur­tur­ing rou­tine. Then October came and I lost the plot.

pretty girl with bangs

It can’t just be love, right? I can’t be the only one who thinks she’s beau­ti­ful. Her gen­tle smile has me con­vinced it’s an objec­tive fact.

It’s the appoint­ments: den­tists, gas­tros, perios, shrinks. They all hap­pen to fall with­in a few weeks, some of them up to three times. I know they’re all there to help me, but I’ve had a frus­trat­ing and dif­fi­cult his­to­ry with most med­ical pro­fes­sion­als. At this point, I sim­ply would­n’t have the patience to sit in a wait­ing room if it weren’t for Heather there to sup­port me every time. At least I found a com­pe­tent psy­chi­a­trist; the first one who’s ever tru­ly lis­tened to me before pre­scrib­ing any med­ica­tion1.

Making plans with my friends through the haze of stim­u­la­tion has been dif­fi­cult to say the least. Jesse’s also been on tour for most of the month; with­out our usu­al play ses­sions or hang­outs, my week­ly sched­ule has felt emp­ty and my life void. As sad as I am to be los­ing him to the road, I’m glad he has so many oppor­tu­ni­ties to express him­self. It’s always fas­ci­nat­ing to see his cre­ative process, and how his strug­gles become his most intense lyrics.

Danger Grove concert

Jesse’s lat­est side project, Danger Grove, on tour for the lat­est LP.

I’ve been try­ing to pass the time with sto­ry-dri­ven games like Bioshock 2 and The Talos Principle. In my rest­less­ness, I also went through the entire Tech N9ne discog­ra­phy and fin­ished A Little History of the World (which was exceed­ing­ly help­ful for a per­son whose knowl­edge tends to run a mile deep and an inch wide).

The only pro­duc­tive thing I’ve been able to man­age this month has been cul­ti­vat­ing Halloween media for Heather2. I’m hop­ing I’ll be back to my old rou­tines by the end of next month. If not, per­haps I’ll be bet­ter at for­giv­ing myself.

  1. One of the most impor­tant ques­tions he asked was whether or not the hos­pi­tal fol­lowed up with me after my sui­cide attempt. The answer, of course, being a resound­ing NOPE. [↩]
  2. This year it’s Tales From the Crypt, Scream 1 + 2, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, Diablo 3, and Vermintide. [↩]

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