pharmaceutical intervention

Sanity is sup­posed to come from lit­tle por­tions of Cipralex, but I have to sur­vive long enough for the doc­tors to find the right dose. It may well be sev­er­al months before they dis­cov­er what works, and every day in between ter­ri­fies me.

Until then, I can’t sleep, I can’t come, I can’t eat more than half of what I used to before get­ting full, and I can’t go with­out Gravol to fight the nau­sea. The side-effects are sup­posed to be bet­ter than the alter­na­tive — and I sup­pose cot­ton­mouth is good way to get me to drink more liq­uids — but every wretched day makes me ques­tion whether this unique form of hell is worth it.

This used to be one of my great­est fears, and here I am faced with it cause I could­n’t han­dle life by myself any­more.


  1. The way I see it, you’re actu­al­ly deal­ing with the sit­u­a­tion. That’s good enough. Keep it up. Drink a lot of green tea, it will ease the dry­ness (the “heat”). As Roosevelt said, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

  2. That sounds very harsh; I hope that there have been a num­ber of options dis­cussed if these symp­toms con­tin­ue?

    I com­mend you for try­ing to put your­self out of har­m’s way. But do real­ize that doc­tors are not gods, and con­tin­ue to look for the right solu­tion for your own body. Research it if you can; ask for options from oth­ers. I think it’s a strange thing that med­i­cine pre­sumes all bod­ies will react basi­cal­ly the same way to a giv­en drug — to me that seems impos­si­ble.

    Also, don’t give up try­ing dif­fer­ent providers if one seems not to hear you. (I get those all the time and I toss them as soon as I can.)

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