it is impossible to stop the motion of snow at night

I got what I wanted for Christmas.

Piles of it. Sheets falling from the sky, melting instantly on your windshield, forcing the traffic to 20kph on the highway. So much that you have to brush off your car if you leave it parked for more than a minute, but the sky glows orange for you to savour every second.

house in the snow

Not that I celebrate Christmas, but I do enjoy the trappings of the season. The lights and the decorations and the spirit and the snow. I’m just sick of the consumerism. It seems perverse to see all this fancy paper wrapped around a box only to be torn off and thrown away. To see people scrambling to buy things just to have something to give. I’ve got it just right, where I don’t exchange gifts with any of my friends cause I don’t want either side to feel obliged. I’d rather give a present when the time is right for both people, and save my money so it’s something special every now and then. The last thing I want is to be a scrooge, but the older I get, the more I feel like that’s what I’m turning into.

The holidays are the only time I truly veg out. I watch more TV on Christmas day than in the entire year combined, marathon reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter and Parking Wars and Cake Boss. Shows that are fascinating in short bursts with the right company and snacks, but never good enough to make a point to watch on my own.

trees and night

I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with a cheap electric guitar. The body was dusty, the strings were dirty, and the intonation left something to be desired, but the action had me feeling like all the time I’ve spent with a stiff steel-string acoustic has paid off. About a month ago I put down a $200 deposit on the nylon-string beauty I’ve always wanted (with the promise that I’d get my deposit back if I didn’t like it) so I could wrap my arms around the body, run my hands across the glossy finish, and feel the fretboard beneath my fingers. Guitar has been my only therapy lately. The only thing I can throw myself into and forget about everything else, the only part of myself that I can tangibly tell is improving, something I need to be feeling right now.

I’ve never been this uncertain about the future, and it’s freaking me out. I already had a feeling 2012 was going to be a new start. My projects would be done by the end of the year, I’d have a nice little break, and I’d be ready to begin again. Now I’m forced into that reality, and life is soon going to be very different. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it, but I suspect I won’t have much of a choice.

4 comments

  1. How much could I pay you to get a hi-res copy of that second photo to use as my desktop background?

    Also, try to think of the uncertainty from a place of possibility and anticipation…

    • Tell me what your screen resolution is and I’ll make a wallpaper for you.

      And thanks for the advice, one of my friends recently gave me a similar suggestion but I need reminders every now and then.

  2. Oops. I guess I should ask you.

  3. These photos are so gorgeous. You make my house look so pretty and warm, and the trees in the backyard look so significant, so tall and reaching. Through your eye, I am actually happy to have this house, which is a feeling that is absent a lot these days during renovation hell. Thank you so much for this.

Leave a Reply