go on

I had a fever dream one night. When I woke up, everything was clear. I finally snapped back to reality. Thank fuck.

Hitting rock bottom was the only way for me to gain some perspective. When you’re at the edge, you tend to get a better look at yourself. Now my recovery is as meteoric as my fall. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m any stronger or better for it. If I ever end up in the same situation again one day, will I be able to handle it better? For some reason, I don’t think so. All I know is that I held on, I’m strong enough to go on, and I had to figure it out by myself.

Ryan at two


My music has been a mix of stuff lately, generally warm and chill, and most of it being too personal for me to post here. Or maybe I’m just being greedy. By a stroke of luck, I found this song after two years of scouring every possible music venue (I even had my card out, ready to buy it on iTunes, but they aren’t popular enough to be on there). I almost cried when I heard it for the first time at 320kbps.

I’m leaning towards the purchase of a classical guitar (as opposed to a steel-string one). I’m sure it’s because Cohen always used a nylon-stringed guitar in his early albums, and this has influenced my palate to prefer a rounder, mellow sound. Even though this decision will be in the far future, I can’t help but listen to as many classical guitarists as possible to see what kind of tone they can muster from their strings. Unfortunately, it’s really rare to find contemporary music (the only genre I’m interested in playing) being performed on a classical guitar, unless it’s a gimmick tune like the theme for Super Mario Bros.

The weather is turning lovely the only way Autumn can, as crisp as it is fleeting.

I have so many ideas going through my head, and I wish I could follow through on all of them. Or give up writing/photography/cinematography/web design/music and focus on one at a time. But I always get bored of a medium, or feel the need express myself with a particular one because it may better lend itself to being a voice in a certain situation.


  1. These may be the wrong genre but they are just suggestions and they are both on itunes: Craig D’Andrea and Andy McKee. I have Craig D’Andrea’s cd Getting Used to Isolation and i love it!

    • A few weeks ago I started getting into Andy McKee, and I thought he was mainly popular with guitarists and musicians (cause obviously he’s a master), so it’s interesting that I got a recommendation for him through someone on my blog. I’ll have to give Craig D’Andrea a listen too.

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