Home Free

Thumbnail: Darren outside
Thumbnail: Tazo Berryblossom white tea
Thumbnail: Sausages, egg, and toast
Thumbnail: Dexter
Thumbnail: Bubble tea parlour
Thumbnail: Bubble tea
Thumbnail: Cigars
Thumbnail: Korean soup
Thumbnail: Dexter the cat in window
Thumbnail: Mall people
Thumbnail: Tempura roll
Thumbnail: Teriyaki beef
Thumbnail: Sliced orange

I left when the sun was set­ting. Along the way, the road stretched out infi­nite­ly before me, as if to say that I can always get away, and there is always more to go. The tree line danced and waved across the hori­zon, even­tu­al­ly dis­ap­pear­ing with the sun. Then the lines of red and white in each direc­tion guid­ed me all the way to Darren’s house.

In it are lit­tle things from the house I grew up in — some can­dles here, some cab­i­nets there — that my par­ents did­n’t want after the divorce. So strange to see innocu­ous objects from my child­hood in a dif­fer­ent set­ting.

It was the first time we’ve been com­plete­ly sober togeth­er since we were kids. No alco­hol, no weed.

I found out a cou­ple things I would­n’t have known oth­er­wise:

  • My dad start­ed dat­ing some­one. He is cur­rent­ly sin­gle again.
  • He has a dance floor at his house and a nice car. This is typ­i­cal of my dad, who loves his toys.
  • My moth­er is still inse­cure.
  • My par­ents still see each oth­er, but not alone. The cur­rent social rule among the group of par­ents, is that you can’t invite one to a par­ty with­out invit­ing the oth­er.

A week­end of sweet indul­gence, late nights, and inti­mate con­ver­sa­tion. No one under­stands my rela­tion­ships the way Darren does, because we both share these quixot­ic ideas about love. It was so com­fort­ing to be able to express myself on these things with­out hav­ing to explain my under­ly­ing feel­ings, as if some­one could tru­ly under­stand me, espe­cial­ly impor­tant in this cur­rent phase of my life.

It made me real­ize that home isn’t where the par­ents are, some­thing I used to believe1. It’s an idea.

A com­fort­ing place you can go to get away, where you’re com­plete­ly accept­ed for who you are.

  1. I’m not sure exact­ly when I stopped believ­ing this, but it was prob­a­bly some­where between the time my par­ents got divorced and I stopped talk­ing to my mom. []


  1. This com­ment only goes about your cat..
    It is such a nice cat!
    We also have a cat that has an Egyptian look to it!
    It is also coloured like caramel!
    Unfortunately my cat is not so play­ful!
    Ever since we got a sec­ond cat he always watch­es his back for a sur­prise attack of the oth­er cat!
    The oth­er cat is a strange one.… He was raised between cows on a farm so to speak.… I think he got screwed around with there so to say… He is quite fool­ish and drools some­time! We love em both any ways noth­ing beats the cute­ness of a cat!

    Keep on blog­ging! I hope to see more!

  2. Tazo is the Starbucks brand, I believe.

  3. @Pepijn — It’s not my cat actu­al­ly, it’s Darren’s. Playfulness in a cat is a dou­ble-edged sword. It can be fun and enter­tain­ing, but also frus­trat­ing when your toi­let paper, glass­es, com­put­er cables, etc…get chewed up.

    I’ve nev­er seen a drool­ing cat; love to get a pic­ture of that!

    @trolley — You’re right about that. Turns out Tazo start­ed out as it’s own cor­po­rate enti­ty, then got bought out by Starbucks in 1999. Not sure how I feel about that.

  4. Hmmm Bubble Republic eh.…are you sure “Rebubblic” would­n’t have been bet­ter? : P

  5. 1. Exactly what you said. Home is an idea, a con­cept, where you can com­plete­ly feel accept­ed, free, and secure. I think that’s the essence of the adage: “Home is where the heart is.” I think it tru­ly means, where the heart is at home.

    I lost the feel­ing of home the first sum­mer after my first ses­sions of ther­a­py and my first emo­tion­al crash, and my sub­se­quent but nec­es­sary first dos­es of med­ica­tion. I came home, found how com­plete­ly unable to accept my sick­ness my par­ents were, and their neg­a­tiv­i­ty about my mind, etc. I felt unwel­come at church, stared at, and tired. It was­n’t until I wrote off fee­ing com­fort­able at home and returned to my old sin­gle dorm room at uni, that I felt I had gone some­where where I belonged. Somewhere I felt okay.

    2. Have you tried the Tazo Vanilla White Apricot flavour? It is so good. I drink it with­out any addi­tives or any­thing. The per­fect aro­ma ris­es from my mug, and it makes me feel… good, warm, hap­py.

  6. It’s strange that you said a dorm room — which can nev­er be per­ma­nent, — felt like home to you. I did­n’t feel com­plete­ly set­tled until I bought my house.

    I haven’t tried any­thing Tazo to be hon­est, but Vanilla White Apricot sounds deli­cious. Further research will be done.

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