I left when the sun was setting. Along the way, the road stretched out infinitely before me, as if to say that I can always get away, and there is always more to go. The tree line danced and waved across the horizon, eventually disappearing with the sun. Then the lines of red and white in each direction guided me all the way to Darren’s house.
In it are little things from the house I grew up in — some candles here, some cabinets there — that my parents didn’t want after the divorce. So strange to see innocuous objects from my childhood in a different setting.
It was the first time we’ve been completely sober together since we were kids. No alcohol, no weed.
I found out a couple things I wouldn’t have known otherwise:
- My dad started dating someone. He is currently single again.
- He has a dance floor at his house and a nice car. This is typical of my dad, who loves his toys.
- My mother is still insecure.
- My parents still see each other, but not alone. The current social rule among the group of parents, is that you can’t invite one to a party without inviting the other.
A weekend of sweet indulgence, late nights, and intimate conversation. No one understands my relationships the way Darren does, because we both share these quixotic ideas about love. It was so comforting to be able to express myself on these things without having to explain my underlying feelings, as if someone could truly understand me, especially important in this current phase of my life.
It made me realize that home isn’t where the parents are, something I used to believe1. It’s an idea.
A comforting place you can go to get away, where you’re completely accepted for who you are.
- I’m not sure exactly when I stopped believing this, but it was probably somewhere between the time my parents got divorced and I stopped talking to my mom. [↩]
This comment only goes about your cat..
It is such a nice cat!
We also have a cat that has an Egyptian look to it!
It is also coloured like caramel!
Unfortunately my cat is not so playful!
Ever since we got a second cat he always watches his back for a surprise attack of the other cat!
The other cat is a strange one.… He was raised between cows on a farm so to speak.… I think he got screwed around with there so to say… He is quite foolish and drools sometime! We love em both any ways nothing beats the cuteness of a cat!
Keep on blogging! I hope to see more!
Tazo is the Starbucks brand, I believe.
@Pepijn — It’s not my cat actually, it’s Darren’s. Playfulness in a cat is a double-edged sword. It can be fun and entertaining, but also frustrating when your toilet paper, glasses, computer cables, etc…get chewed up.
I’ve never seen a drooling cat; love to get a picture of that!
@trolley — You’re right about that. Turns out Tazo started out as it’s own corporate entity, then got bought out by Starbucks in 1999. Not sure how I feel about that.
Hmmm Bubble Republic eh.…are you sure “Rebubblic” wouldn’t have been better? : P
Ha. You are HI-LA-RI-OUS. :)
1. Exactly what you said. Home is an idea, a concept, where you can completely feel accepted, free, and secure. I think that’s the essence of the adage: “Home is where the heart is.” I think it truly means, where the heart is at home.
I lost the feeling of home the first summer after my first sessions of therapy and my first emotional crash, and my subsequent but necessary first doses of medication. I came home, found how completely unable to accept my sickness my parents were, and their negativity about my mind, etc. I felt unwelcome at church, stared at, and tired. It wasn’t until I wrote off feeing comfortable at home and returned to my old single dorm room at uni, that I felt I had gone somewhere where I belonged. Somewhere I felt okay.
2. Have you tried the Tazo Vanilla White Apricot flavour? It is so good. I drink it without any additives or anything. The perfect aroma rises from my mug, and it makes me feel… good, warm, happy.
It’s strange that you said a dorm room — which can never be permanent, — felt like home to you. I didn’t feel completely settled until I bought my house.
I haven’t tried anything Tazo to be honest, but Vanilla White Apricot sounds delicious. Further research will be done.