Letter To My Mother

You didn’t know it, but for years I’ve come close to burning the bridge with you. It was a heavy step to take, because in doing so, I knew that I would never be able to go back on such a drastic decision.

I appreciate all the financial support you’ve provided. It’s been more than I can ask for. Unfortunately, what I wanted and needed the most was emotional support.

I’ve always played the role of the submissive son. Your boy who’s always done what you wanted and agreed with what you said. When we exchanged tears on the phone in August, I let you know how poorly I was treated growing up. I’ve always put up with it, but the way you acted last week was the straw that broke the camels back. I keep giving you a chance, over and over. Seeing you over those few days was the last one. Even if you say now that you can change, the risk isn’t worth it. The potential misery, frustration, and anguish you may cause me aren’t worth it.

Normally, I would be sensitive about the timing — the fresh divorce, the transition — but I don’t care anymore. I’ve put my feelings aside my whole life. You pushed me too far, and now I have to consider myself.

Don’t contact me again. Not even if someone dies. Any calls, messages, e-mails will be ignored. This is not an easy or a brash decision for me, a decision I’ve made after cooling off and calming down, but from my point of view it’s for the best.

You give me nothing but pain and money, and the money doesn’t mean a thing.

From now on, I don’t have a mother.

And you don’t have a son.

7 comments

  1. i’m so sorry jeff. despite it being such a hard thing to do, like you said, not an easy decision, maybe it is for the best. Dont know anything else to say, be strong. even if it is your choice-you may think twice about it later. Be strong.

  2. ” Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist ”

    I trust this was a difficult letter to write, that you sent it or not, that you voiced it or not make it no easier, i’m sure. Admitting it to yourself and standing up for yourself are strongest things you could do. I’m sorry it came to this.

  3. That was harsh. It must have taken a lot out of you to make that decision, put it down on paper and deliver it. You need that break. Courage.

    Cheers
    Tisha

  4. It’s very sad that it’s come to that. I hope this decision isn’t a burden for you and that you’re coping ok. There seems to be so much emotional tumult in your life, I wish for you that it slows down a little, that you can relax soon.

  5. I totally understand coming from a place, where,
    you finally have to do whats best for you, no matter the relationship you hurt, break, or terminate.
    I hope you find some peace soon
    hope the ‘torture’ session helped
    holy shit
    looks like you went thru a pilgrimage ritual or somethin’ freaky ;)

    cheers, Amy

  6. The letter wasn’t very hard to write actually, most of it flowed quite easily. It wasn’t even a burden of a decision, it was exactly what I needed to do. I can say that I did my best to avoid things coming to this.

    Thanks to everybody for the support.

  7. I admire that you found the courage to write this letter. I know exactly where you are coming from. My mother has hurt me deeply all my life with her sharp tongue. I remember when I was 30 and received a phone call at work from her saying some very mean things to me, as per her usual. I hung up the phone and accidently said out loud that I wish she was dead. The guy next to me gave me such a shock of horror look and told me that I was a horrible person to even wish something like that. He said his mother was dead and wished she wasn’t. People who have not gone through life with a mother like this will never truly understand the pain they can bring. Thus, I will give some examples of how my mother treated me. One day I was over at her house, and she gave me a picture. It was a picture when I was very thin. I asked her what I should do with it. She said I should put it on the front of my refrigerator so I can see what I used to look like. Granted, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds, but am not obese by any means. I care the majority of my extra weight in the stomach area. All my life she picked on me for something. If I wore trendy clothes, she would say I look like a clown. If I broke out, she would point out every single pimple I had. When I had breast cancer, not once did she come over to help me or even bring a meal over. For mother’s day, I took her to a greenhouse to pick out her choice of a flower basket. On the way, she told me now that I had a breast reduction, I should check out getting a gut reduction. My children are only one year apart. When I was at her house one day, she suspected I was pregnant with my second child and kept yelling this at me: “You’re knocked up, aren’t you?” I left without answering her. When I got home, the phone was ringing. It was my mother yelling at me that I got knocked up. I am a married woman. This is a term that is associated with unmarried women. This was a choice between my husband and I, thus, it is none her business. She is now 83 and getting meaner by the day. She blames me that she flunked the memory test and screams at me every time that it is my fault she can’t drive. If I don’t drop what I am doing to run over and take care of what she needs, she threatens to take the car. She has made me give her an anemia after I even told her that I wanted to just be her daughter and not her nurse. She has threatened to take me out of her will. She frequently tells me that I am a horrible daughter despite all the things I do for her. I could go on and on with many more horrible moments I have had with her, but will not go there. If you ask me, you made the right decision. We don’t need poisonous people in our life!

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