The Ass-Slap Ritual

As I opened the front door to walk to work, I remembered that Aaron is picking me up for lunch today, so I thought I should check to see if my wallet was in my left back pocket (where it always is). The thing is, I always put a wad of moisturizer in my left palm so that I can lock my door with my right hand without getting my keys all greasy, then rub it in while walking.

So I reached with my right hand to pad my pocket and see if it was there, but feeling a bit stiff from the weather and the morning, I had to stretch with a bit of force and momentum.

Exactly at that moment, my neighbours came out of their house. We greeted each other, and after repeatedly refusing their offers to drive me to work on such a chilly day, we went our separate ways.

Then I realized that since I hadn’t completely stepped out of my door frame at that point, they probably saw me checking for my wallet without understanding what I was doing, and thought I was doing some strange cross-body back-reaching ass-slapping ritual.


  1. This made me laugh so hard. You have to now start an ass slap ritual … “on my way to work, got my keys, wallet and don’t forget …” *slap* “off we go!”

  2. Actually, when I wrote this, I thought of one part of Orgasmo where all the male pornstars slap their asses before getting in the scene. At one point, the director tells one of them to get in the shot, and he says, “But I haven’t slapped my ass yet!”. We should watch that movie.

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