Part 3 went well enough that it doesn’t even deserve it’s own entry. All I can say now is that I’m cautiously optimistic.
Monthly Archives: May 2005
Housewarming '05
It’s a new week, and I finally feel like myself again. The only time I have an unstable mind is when I wake up between two and four every night. All the thoughts I push to the back of my mind come flooding back, and I have trouble falling asleep for another hour or two. Other than that, I’m okay, more or less. All it took was a housewarming party and a weekend of no worries.
Trolley and I started preparations on Friday. We were expecting 14 people (with three not drinking) and we got that exactly — Pat, Jen, Jeff, Pita, Mike, Iain, Aaron, Karen, Kat, Sebastien, Eric, Jen, Trolley, and I. In all, we had four bottles of Keith’s (left over from poker night last week), three bottles of wine, a 12 of Corona, and two 5‑Liter Kegs of Grolsch. In addition to this, Aaron ended up bringing six more Keith’s, while Mike gave me a mickey of Smirnoff, and Pita supplied a 12 of Blueu (the distinguished Quebec variant of Blue). A few major drinkers powered through the alcohol, and while we initially believed ourselves to be overstocked, we ended up with only a few Blue and the wine.
It was a pretty good mix of people. While I was grilling burgers on the new barbeque, people were mingling, hanging out on the couches, catching up on hockey on TV. Some were even soaking up the sun in my little back yard/patio, which has an accommodating set of stairs and a few lawn chairs. There wasn’t as much segregation, and I think that Aaron, Trolley, and Pat helped blend the two (and a half) groups a bit. For a successful party, I’m always sure to have all three in attendance. To my surprise, we all ended up playing some four-player Gamecube games towards the end of the night, something I wasn’t sure that everyone was interested in.
All-in-all, it was a good party, even if I was too busy running around, making sure everyone was well fed and thoroughly drunk, to hang out with my guests. I even got a few housewarming gifts. Trolley and I built the barbeque Pat gave us in time for the party, and Iain got me a nice set of crystal low balls (which have a nice weight to them, but need to be hand washed). Aaron gave me a set of six solar-charged patio lanterns that really make my yard stand out from the rest. I couldn’t ask for more.
Pita crashed that night, but not before I got him burned for the first time. I think his mind was a little too rigid, and he was analyzing things a little too much to be able to relax and enjoy it. He stayed for the rest of Sunday, and we played the old Gamecube games we used to enjoy back when we were still living together. I had such a good time, that I was able to really forget about everything else that’s going on right now. It was like a little gettaway in my own house.
I needed this weekend.
Virgin
Do you remember your first time?
It was her first time too. Her face contorted, a regretfully painful look, but quickly relaxed as her eyes rolled back. You were scared when she bled, but she begged not to stop. How strange it was to be so close to someone, so face-to-face. You thought you knew what intimacy was, until you were inside her and kissing her lips simultaneously. Shhhhh, they’re right underneath us. You never imagined it’d feel so hot.
Do you remember her first time? It was safe because her sister was busy enough with her own boyfriend. You went beneath her skirt, recalling how distracting such a simple piece of pleated, plaid material could be when walking behind her in the hall. She made no sound, and you began to doubt whether she was comfortable anymore.
Do you remember her first time? It was at the end of summer, when the days were getting shorter. You had the windows open, and wafting through the room was the smell of healthy trees and sunset air. Even though the breeze was cool and dry, she was hot and sweating against you on her brother’s bed. You were listening for the swing and slam of the back screen-door, but all you were thinking about was how good it felt to finally touch her bare, sticky skin. There was no nervousness anymore. She trusted you with devotion, as you guided her through her blossoming sexuality.
Do you remember her first time? It was your first time too. You had always wanted to save this for marriage, but you were both caught in the moment, and her dirty mouth wouldn’t stop prodding you. She once told you how she had always imagined being tied up, someone taking this from her by force. It was too late now, and she wanted this as much as you did. Her screams were almost rudely loud in your ear, but there was indication of pain in her voice. Afterward, she had take a moment to collect herself before she could speak, making a remark about how comforting it was to still feel you inside her.
They say that we always remember our first time.
But do they remember you?
New Developments
New developments have left me with much to say. My mind feels like it’s going 80 thoughts per minute. Chaos proves to be a useful writing tool. For now, rest.
Broke Down At Work Today
I haven’t cried in a while, and I think it was just building up, which would explain why I felt so much better afterward.
I just kept working. One can be sad, stressed, worried, even to the point of tears, and carry on with the rest of daily life. Crying is just a physical reflex of a state-of-mind.
Two people may have noticed, but neither of them said anything.
Thank god I don’t have to deal with the bullshit of hiding this from someone.