Monthly Archives: May 2005

Housewarming '05

It’s a new week, and I final­ly feel like myself again. The only time I have an unsta­ble mind is when I wake up between two and four every night. All the thoughts I push to the back of my mind come flood­ing back, and I have trou­ble falling asleep for anoth­er hour or two. Other than that, I’m okay, more or less. All it took was a house­warm­ing par­ty and a week­end of no wor­ries.

Thumbnail: Corona bottles

Thumbnail: Cat and kitty

Trolley and I start­ed prepa­ra­tions on Friday. We were expect­ing 14 peo­ple (with three not drink­ing) and we got that exact­ly — Pat, Jen, Jeff, Pita, Mike, Iain, Aaron, Karen, Kat, Sebastien, Eric, Jen, Trolley, and I. In all, we had four bot­tles of Keith’s (left over from pok­er night last week), three bot­tles of wine, a 12 of Corona, and two 5‑Liter Kegs of Grolsch. In addi­tion to this, Aaron end­ed up bring­ing six more Keith’s, while Mike gave me a mick­ey of Smirnoff, and Pita sup­plied a 12 of Blueu (the dis­tin­guished Quebec vari­ant of Blue). A few major drinkers pow­ered through the alco­hol, and while we ini­tial­ly believed our­selves to be over­stocked, we end­ed up with only a few Blue and the wine.

It was a pret­ty good mix of peo­ple. While I was grilling burg­ers on the new bar­beque, peo­ple were min­gling, hang­ing out on the couch­es, catch­ing up on hock­ey on TV. Some were even soak­ing up the sun in my lit­tle back yard/patio, which has an accom­mo­dat­ing set of stairs and a few lawn chairs. There was­n’t as much seg­re­ga­tion, and I think that Aaron, Trolley, and Pat helped blend the two (and a half) groups a bit. For a suc­cess­ful par­ty, I’m always sure to have all three in atten­dance. To my sur­prise, we all end­ed up play­ing some four-play­er Gamecube games towards the end of the night, some­thing I was­n’t sure that every­one was inter­est­ed in.

Thumbnail: Barbecue thermometer

Thumbnail: Crystal lowball glasses

Thumbnail: Moonray solar-powered lanterns

All-in-all, it was a good par­ty, even if I was too busy run­ning around, mak­ing sure every­one was well fed and thor­ough­ly drunk, to hang out with my guests. I even got a few house­warm­ing gifts. Trolley and I built the bar­beque Pat gave us in time for the par­ty, and Iain got me a nice set of crys­tal low balls (which have a nice weight to them, but need to be hand washed). Aaron gave me a set of six solar-charged patio lanterns that real­ly make my yard stand out from the rest. I could­n’t ask for more.

Pita crashed that night, but not before I got him burned for the first time. I think his mind was a lit­tle too rigid, and he was ana­lyz­ing things a lit­tle too much to be able to relax and enjoy it. He stayed for the rest of Sunday, and we played the old Gamecube games we used to enjoy back when we were still liv­ing togeth­er. I had such a good time, that I was able to real­ly for­get about every­thing else that’s going on right now. It was like a lit­tle get­t­away in my own house.

I need­ed this week­end.


Do you remem­ber your first time?

It was her first time too. Her face con­tort­ed, a regret­ful­ly painful look, but quick­ly relaxed as her eyes rolled back. You were scared when she bled, but she begged not to stop. How strange it was to be so close to some­one, so face-to-face. You thought you knew what inti­ma­cy was, until you were inside her and kiss­ing her lips simul­ta­ne­ous­ly. Shhhhh, they’re right under­neath us. You nev­er imag­ined it’d feel so hot.

Do you remem­ber her first time? It was safe because her sis­ter was busy enough with her own boyfriend. You went beneath her skirt, recall­ing how dis­tract­ing such a sim­ple piece of pleat­ed, plaid mate­r­i­al could be when walk­ing behind her in the hall. She made no sound, and you began to doubt whether she was com­fort­able any­more.

Do you remem­ber her first time? It was at the end of sum­mer, when the days were get­ting short­er. You had the win­dows open, and waft­ing through the room was the smell of healthy trees and sun­set air. Even though the breeze was cool and dry, she was hot and sweat­ing against you on her broth­er’s bed. You were lis­ten­ing for the swing and slam of the back screen-door, but all you were think­ing about was how good it felt to final­ly touch her bare, sticky skin. There was no ner­vous­ness any­more. She trust­ed you with devo­tion, as you guid­ed her through her blos­som­ing sex­u­al­i­ty.

Do you remem­ber her first time? It was your first time too. You had always want­ed to save this for mar­riage, but you were both caught in the moment, and her dirty mouth would­n’t stop prod­ding you. She once told you how she had always imag­ined being tied up, some­one tak­ing this from her by force. It was too late now, and she want­ed this as much as you did. Her screams were almost rude­ly loud in your ear, but there was indi­ca­tion of pain in her voice. Afterward, she had take a moment to col­lect her­self before she could speak, mak­ing a remark about how com­fort­ing it was to still feel you inside her.

They say that we always remem­ber our first time.

But do they remem­ber you?

Broke Down At Work Today

I haven’t cried in a while, and I think it was just build­ing up, which would explain why I felt so much bet­ter after­ward.

I just kept work­ing. One can be sad, stressed, wor­ried, even to the point of tears, and car­ry on with the rest of dai­ly life. Crying is just a phys­i­cal reflex of a state-of-mind.

Two peo­ple may have noticed, but nei­ther of them said any­thing.

Thank god I don’t have to deal with the bull­shit of hid­ing this from some­one.