It's a D/s life: Stepping Outside The Circle

When I made the deci­sion to jour­ney into this lifestyle, I knew that it was­n’t going to be easy, although I sus­pect­ed that it would be eas­i­er for me than for oth­er novice dom­i­nants, just from the fact that I have a very clear of idea of what I want in life and know myself well (or believe it at least).

The hard­est thing has been step­ping out­side of my com­fort zone, or what Warren describes as, “the psy­cho­log­i­cal bar­ri­ers to under­tak­ing such a polit­i­cal­ly incor­rect activ­i­ty.” It’s iron­ic; he warns, “…keep in mind that by admit­ting her desires, [the sub­mis­sive] could be seen to be reject­ing gains that women have slow­ly and painful­ly made over the last 20, 50, 100 years”, some­thing I under­stand com­plete­ly, but it’s not Loo who’s wor­ried about reject­ing these gains.

It’s me.

After all, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been pro­grammed by soci­ety to a cer­tain degree. No vio­lence against women, females are to be treat­ed as equals, et cetera. And along with this are my own pro­grammed morals and beliefs. Expect noth­ing from any­one. Punishment does more harm than good. The list goes on in var­ied and incon­sis­tent ways. What makes it all hard­er is the fact that break­ing out of the bub­ble must be done out of self-inter­est. As much as I’d like to keep remind­ing myself that this is not only what Louise wants, but needs in a rela­tion­ship, I have to for­go the rein­forc­ing of any such idea. To acknowl­edge it is to ruin the dynam­ic between Dom and sub.

Interestingly enough, the only way I’ve been able to get past these per­son­al bound­aries has been to not intel­lec­tu­al­ize them, to act with­out think­ing. To expect a woman to ask for per­mis­sion to leave my side, or come to bed. To have her sit at my feet instead of next to me. To hit her until the point of tears, but not stop. To know that her body is mine, and not her own.

To live this life for me, and not the both of us.


  1. in their total­i­ty, the wom­en’s rights gains were not (in my opin­ion) all pos­i­tive ones. We see women all around the world, in our lives and at a dis­tance strug­gle with the pow­er they’ve been giv­en. Indeed some flour­ish with it, that i can­not deny. Some of the advance­ments that were made, need­ed to be made. What is my actu­al­i­ty, is that i am (on an out­ward­ly basis) an indi­vid­ual like any oth­er, man or woman. That actu­al­i­ty remains that way because i have no oth­er choice but to live it. In my per­son­al life; i see it as a great feat to be able to give myself to my part­ner, to tread through the social bar­ri­ers, to blind­side new­ly-layed tra­di­tion and focus on what makes me feel whole.

    I feel like more of a woman in the role you’ve allowed me Jeff, i’m so very thank­ful that you’ve been open to this counter-social way i live my life.

    I’m inter­est­ed to hear you say that you’re liv­ing this life for you, and not the both of us, and i’m cur­rious as to what you meant by that. Did you mean you have to make these dis­cov­er­ies for your­self and not for us, or did you mean you have to live this lifestyle for you fore­go­ing my thoughts and feel­ings. In hopes that its not the lat­ter, i await your reply anx­ious­ly.


  2. I did­n’t real­ly mean either of the two options that you gave. It was more of a state­ment about want­i­ng this for myself, and not just doing it to make you hap­py. That means being true to myself, instead of liv­ing a lie, so that things don’t fall apart in the long-run if this does­n’t end up being what I want, or enough of what you need. I sup­pose I could have said, “To live this life for me, and not just her”.

  3. thank you, you’re so awe­some.

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