It's a D/s life: Stepping Outside The Circle

When I made the decision to journey into this lifestyle, I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, although I suspected that it would be easier for me than for other novice dominants, just from the fact that I have a very clear of idea of what I want in life and know myself well (or believe it at least).

The hardest thing has been stepping outside of my comfort zone, or what Warren describes as, “the psychological barriers to undertaking such a politically incorrect activity.” It’s ironic; he warns, “…keep in mind that by admitting her desires, [the submissive] could be seen to be rejecting gains that women have slowly and painfully made over the last 20, 50, 100 years”, something I understand completely, but it’s not Loo who’s worried about rejecting these gains.

It’s me.

After all, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been programmed by society to a certain degree. No violence against women, females are to be treated as equals, et cetera. And along with this are my own programmed morals and beliefs. Expect nothing from anyone. Punishment does more harm than good. The list goes on in varied and inconsistent ways. What makes it all harder is the fact that breaking out of the bubble must be done out of self-interest. As much as I’d like to keep reminding myself that this is not only what Louise wants, but needs in a relationship, I have to forgo the reinforcing of any such idea. To acknowledge it is to ruin the dynamic between Dom and sub.

Interestingly enough, the only way I’ve been able to get past these personal boundaries has been to not intellectualize them, to act without thinking. To expect a woman to ask for permission to leave my side, or come to bed. To have her sit at my feet instead of next to me. To hit her until the point of tears, but not stop. To know that her body is mine, and not her own.

To live this life for me, and not the both of us.


  1. in their totality, the women’s rights gains were not (in my opinion) all positive ones. We see women all around the world, in our lives and at a distance struggle with the power they’ve been given. Indeed some flourish with it, that i cannot deny. Some of the advancements that were made, needed to be made. What is my actuality, is that i am (on an outwardly basis) an individual like any other, man or woman. That actuality remains that way because i have no other choice but to live it. In my personal life; i see it as a great feat to be able to give myself to my partner, to tread through the social barriers, to blindside newly-layed tradition and focus on what makes me feel whole.

    I feel like more of a woman in the role you’ve allowed me Jeff, i’m so very thankful that you’ve been open to this counter-social way i live my life.

    I’m interested to hear you say that you’re living this life for you, and not the both of us, and i’m currious as to what you meant by that. Did you mean you have to make these discoveries for yourself and not for us, or did you mean you have to live this lifestyle for you foregoing my thoughts and feelings. In hopes that its not the latter, i await your reply anxiously.


  2. I didn’t really mean either of the two options that you gave. It was more of a statement about wanting this for myself, and not just doing it to make you happy. That means being true to myself, instead of living a lie, so that things don’t fall apart in the long-run if this doesn’t end up being what I want, or enough of what you need. I suppose I could have said, “To live this life for me, and not just her”.

  3. thank you, you’re so awesome.

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