The trip home was alright, watching Men In Black 2 (not a very good movie at all) and taking under five and a half hours. I like the fact that I can purchase a bus ticket at any time, and not have to worry about booking and reservations. I’ve always liked the idea that I have the freedom to pick up and go whenever I please. Of course, this only works when I have a guaranteed place to stay at the destination.
My Candela’s came in last week. They are quite nice, although they look rather cheap during the daytime when they’re off. They give off a decent ambient light when other (more primary) lights are on, but are good at setting a mood when they’re the only things illuminating a room. It’s a hassle to always let them burn out to prolong battery life, since that means that I’m usually going to bed with them on, and for someone who wakes up from the first slit of sunlight piercing the room, it can be an annoying thing.
I found a great astronomy book for Darren, covering everything from the smallest detail in purchasing a telescope, to the patterns the planets make in their orbits. Astronomy is something that I’ve always found to be mysteriously interesting, a seductive past-time I’d be afraid to be consumed by. A few people I’ve talked to have felt the same way, although some with an even more severe emotion. I would have taken up such a hobby as soon as I had the means to, if the area I live in wasn’t so unbelievably light polluted. It’s as if the mayor wants to keep the lights in the city bright enough to have a constant daytime. I’m fairly sure that I’ll buy a decent telescope eventually, once I’ve settled down in a condo and have a career.
I can’t wait to get back to my pleasure box and begin fooling around with Movable Type. I just hope that my host can provide enough flexibility for it to work.
When I got home, a stack of red envelopes and wrapped boxes were waiting for me. My premature exit at Christmas left gifts unopened and money unclaimed, quite a welcome surprise. I got another $50 gift certificate for Futureshop, which will most likely be going towards Vice City as soon as it comes out. I haven’t played a very absorbing game in a while, the last ones being GTA3 or Neverwinter Nights, but my favourite is still probably Half-Life. And with Half-Life 2 slated for a fall release, well, I find myself becoming unhealthily excited.
I’ll be splitting a box of Onslaught with Darren today.
The skies here have been dull and whitewashed.
It’s difficult for me to imagine being done school, that I can start living as a free person. I’ve been in school for so long that I begin to expect another term in the near future. Yet I’m done (as long as I didn’t fail anything) and I have a great deal of options. But what would I really want to do with my life? A university diploma will only help me get a tiny part of what I want to achieve.
Odd that I live so day-to-day, yet have a few goals planned for decades in advance. Even if I haven’t achieved a single goal by the time I die, I’ll feel decently satisfied. I enjoy being able to appreciate everything I do each day. A great deal of thinking needs to be done before I keep going. And while the future seems uncertain, while the world seems to be turned upside down, I feel comforted.
It’s understanding and realization that bind my world together, that bring meaning to anything I do.
I wonder if anyone else enjoys making love when they’re sad.
I was walking through the mall today, when I saw someone who seemed to be alone. His face was ripe with Down Syndrome, and he moved with a air of emotional detachment, as if he had easily accepted the cards he’d been dealt.
Of course, I make no assumptions about his situation. After all, I know nothing about his life, and my pseudo-conclusions (I almost never make definite conclusions) based on purely observation could be completely wrong.
However, it made me realize how lucky I am to not only have a certain amount of intelligence, but to have lived the life I have lived. Although I agree that ignorance is bliss, I have become quite content with the limited awareness that I possess today. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have loved and…given up, and to have been loved in return, even if my giving up of such things will mean that I may never love again. I have lived a life of financial security. I am fairly (although not fully) content with the person I have been able to become.
What could I possibly have to complain about? Not much. Only about a few things unresolved, from a past I’m still trying to understand.
Life, as it were, appears to be good. So why do I not feel as happy as I should? Perhaps a chemical imbalance of some sort, although I don’t want to be so arrogant as to make such a claim without more substantial symptoms.
I believe the answer lies in the fact that the last few things in my life which need resolution are major enough to leave me only feeling complacent. The next step, past identifying such matters, would be to resolve them.
But perhaps complacency is the best one can do.