I’ve come to a point in my life where I’ve achieved my stability. That’s not to say that it won’t disappear once a new situation arises, but it seems that my loss of balance has given me practice in regaining it.
The future seems so uncertain. I don’t have a roommate for the summer, and I don’t even know if I need one. Everyone is talking about moving in with each other, but none of our leases end on the same month. I might not be graduating in a month if I fail any courses, a very distinct possibility. That means that my graduation ceremony would be delayed, and I would need to register for a summer semester. I don’t even give a shit about the graduation ceremony, but it’s not like I would be going for myself. I don’t even have a job lined up any time soon, something which I am desperately in need/want of.
Yet in the face of such uncertainty, I have been able to remain relatively stable. I’m not sure why this is. Possibly, the taste of good living I had last summer has created a kind of hope in me, a hope with no-strings-attached.
What an odd turn of events, that having a content situation (and even losing it) has made me “happier”. I wonder if it’s just a phase, that I’m still riding off a store of emotions, and that once the store in drained, I’ll become a bitter person. Somehow I doubt it, but one can never tell.
I can now safely say that I am a better person, although if history has taught me anything, it’s that anything can change.
And yet there is still a wish for change.