During his Emmy-award winning performance, Kill the Messenger, Chris Rock had a hilarious bit on the differences between men and women. He sums it up succinctly:
Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle. Men cannot go backwards sexually.
An example he uses for women is the first time they get into a nice, warm car after clubbing, waving bye to their friends who are waiting for the bus in the cold. After that, they can’t be with a man who doesn’t have a car, or as Rock puts it, “That’s how the fuck you roll for the rest of your life”. This extends to guys with their own places, then guys who take them on vacation.
On men, he says, “Once we get the sex we like, that’s how the fuck we roll. I like my coffee like this, I like my steak like this, and I like to fuck like this…Ladies, don’t get mad at us. Get mad at our ex-girlfriends. She’s the one that [sic] spoiled it for everybody” because if your ex-girlfriend licks your ass (again, his example), you expect your current girlfriend to do the same.
For me, the same is true for girls in general, but not just in these aspects. I can’t be with a girl who refuses to try exotic foods or refuses to give unconventional music a chance, who wouldn’t recognize the effort I put into my presents, who wouldn’t cherish the love and affection I give, who wouldn’t understand me, or wouldn’t laugh at my stupid jokes, because I’ve been with girls who are a combination of open-minded, appreciative, romantic, on the same wavelength as me, and actually find me funny (when not completely awkward).
That's why this entire idea scares me.
I know most people get more flexible on things about their mates as they head towards (or beyond) the marrying age but I seem to be moving the opposite direction. Each girl I’ve been with has been an improvement over the last. Now the bar has been raised so damn high I don’t think I’ll ever get there again, and I’d rather be alone than compromise or settle.
My standards are getting higher, and I can’t go back.
ok, I’m distracted by language. what’s this about girls? do you answer to boy?
Hah, I still answer to “guy”, which I believe can also be the opposite of girl.
I probably still refer to girls as girls because my last girlfriends have been quite younger than me, and still in university. I didn’t think of any of them as “women” yet. On the same hand, I still don’t think of myself as man, probably because I still feel like a child in many ways.
It would also be so creepy to think of myself as a man, if at the same time I thought of the people I date as girls.
It’s good to be picky, just don’t be complaining that you’re single and you can’t find anyone BECAUSE you are picky ;)
I know I have no right to complain if I end up being single for the rest of my life. :) Probably because I think it’d be much easier to be with someone if it was just anyone, but I know what those girls are like and I really don’t want that, so I make the conscious decision to remain single and gracefully accept the consequences of that decision.
Raising the bar in standards is a good thing, but it doesn’t mean that each new girlfriend has to be the same as the previous one, but better. You might find yourself perfectly happy with a girl who needs to work on her willingness to try new foods if she can teach you a lot about sex. Absolutes and dealbreakers are sometimes easier to accept when they are packaged along with unexpected joys.
You will definitely find one better than the last.
I completely agree, because better is exactly what I’m saying. I’m getting pickier, and that’s somewhat scary because there are fewer and fewer girls who are able to match that standard now.
I try never to write anyone off completely, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. There’s no such thing as a deal-breaker for me, because I find that concept to be so completely closed-minded and superficial. I may be getting pickier, but I can easily see past a quality (or qualities) I don’t like if the completely package is better on the whole. After all, missing out on the most wonderful person due to one thing seems rather silly. Of course, I probably feel this way because so many women I meet have height as a deal-breaker (i.e. won’t date anyone shorter than them), so I’m never given a chance because I get written off as a 5’4″ male.
Are you really getting pickier? At 20 you might have dated girls whose qualities are now on the “don’t date that” list, but that was probably because you hadn’t yet realized you didn’t want that. Dating and breaking up is the same as not dating if we’re only considering the end. Now that you have the experience and the maturity to be open to girls you are more compatible with overall, your chances of a successful match should go up!
5’4″ is a deal-breaker? I find that weird because the average woman is 5’5″, so that’s pretty much like being the same height. I dated a 5’4″ guy for years.
Hmmm…it’s probably a bit of both getting pickier and being able to narrow down what I’m looking for. I never realized that before.
I dated a girl who was only 1″ taller than me, and she stooped down for her prom photos so she would look shorter. Maybe they want to wear heels without having to do that.
I don’t see it as much as you demanding better and better (everyone’s opinion of better is different) but that you know what it is you want in a relationship and that’s a good thing.
To me, not knowing what you want in a relationship is like not knowing whether or not you like ice cream; pretty simple. I don’t understand how some people have no idea what they’re looking for. I guess I take that for granted.
I’ve never understood how people could not know what they want either.
However the opposite, really knowing, can backfire on you when you find the one you feel knows EXACTly how to be as particular as you are, and then THEY decide you’re not part of their list of perfect points.
But the good news (for me) was: Even the person that I once thought had everything I needed showed in time that they actually didn’t — and as time passed, I saw them evolve into someone completely different. Time changes people. So I would say my advice is: don’t be too over-concentrated on the idea. Pick someone you know loves you and is going your direction. Hopefully for good.
That’s a really interesting way of approaching relationships. One would hope that love is enough to buoy all other evolutions and changes, for better or worse. But as I grow older, I’m starting to believe that compatibility is just as important as just knowing someone loves you and is going your direction. I feel really cynical for believing this.
I can’t be with a girl who refuses to try exotic foods…
I totally hear you there. Especially coming from a Chinese-Canadian background, that is a MUST.
You understand exactly where I’m coming from! We love the food of our culture, and not being able to share that with someone is pure heartbreak.