Posts tagged with "change"

HK Fullscreen, Revisited

I have a tick­et booked to Hong Kong at the end of November. I’ll be stay­ing there for a lit­tle under a month, dur­ing the Christmas sea­son when the entire island looks as if it’s one big orna­ment from the sky, a giant float­ing dec­o­ra­tion. The best weath­er of the year is in December, when the tem­per­a­tures drop to a rea­son­able warmth and one can actu­al­ly walk around with a coat on.

I’ll be try­ing to learn the sub­way sys­tem for the first few days so that I can get around on my own. I’m going alone so I’ll prob­a­bly be liv­ing with my uncle most of the time, and stay­ing at my grand­moth­er’s on the week­ends. I’ll be going home first and stay­ing there for a few days, then fly­ing to Hong Kong, then fly­ing back and stay­ing home for New Years. I’ll meet up with Ken the day before I depart from Hong Kong, since he’s fly­ing up from Ohio.

I can’t wait to get back to the busy mar­kets, taste the Chinese food, browse the end­less shops. I want to ask my grand­moth­er so much, and cel­e­brate Christmas with her. I wish there was some­thing I could give her that she could keep, sim­i­lar to the jade neck­lace she gave me that I’ve almost nev­er tak­en off ever since I received it. There’s an almost inef­fa­ble feel­ing that’s con­jured up in my mind when I think of the mod­ern sky­scrap­ers, the crowds of peo­ple, the very eth­nic faces. Some of my best mem­o­ries are from being in Hong Kong dur­ing Christmas, when there’s an almost mys­tic feel­ing in the air and every­one is in good spir­its.

I’ve been want­i­ng a vaca­tion, from both the good and bad in my life, for so long. Just to get away from absolute­ly every­thing going on right now would be ben­e­fi­cial, almost like a self-imposed exile. I’d be able to dis­tance myself from things and gain some per­spec­tive, some­thing I usu­al­ly believe I’m able to do until some­thing dras­tic hap­pens that changes the way I view things.

I’m not real­ly sure what to expect from my vis­it, although I think that I’ll be changed ever sub­tly, maybe sub­con­scious­ly. One can rarely walk away from such things with­out being affect­ed in some way, per­haps both Tina and Em would agree. I just don’t know how this may change me. I don’t have any ques­tions. I’m not look­ing for answers.

I’m just wait­ing to find out.

Janus

Sometimes I see the same movie twice with a large gap of time between view­ings, and I under­stand the char­ac­ters, thoughts, emo­tions, and actions very dif­fer­ent­ly each time.

A few days ago, I came to the real­iza­tion that I’ve been a dif­fer­ent per­son in every rela­tion­ship through my eight year dat­ing peri­od. Not all of me has changed, but there are a few aspects which I believe would be impor­tant in such a bond.

I’ve gained more matu­ri­ty and more con­fi­dence. I’ve gained a fair amount of intel­li­gence (though I still feel like I have infi­nite­ly more to learn). I’ve changed career goals, rela­tion­ship goals, and hap­pi­ness goals. I’m more out­go­ing, more tol­er­ant, more secure, less pre­ten­tious (I hope), less arro­gant, and less igno­rant. I’ve changed my opin­ions on chil­dren, abor­tion, and reli­gion. I’ve even changed my actions based on these shift­ing beliefs.

Although I view most of these changes as being good things, they may put strain on a rela­tion­ship nonethe­less. After all, change is change, and unless a rela­tion­ship is strong and flex­i­ble enough, it can­not endure such stress. It’s a lit­tle scary to think that I may be bring­ing extra strain into a rela­tion­ship, sim­ply by being myself.

At one point in my inex­pe­ri­enced youth, after hav­ing changed a fair deal already, I believed that I would­n’t change any more. Now I real­ize how stu­pid­ly obliv­i­ous a com­ment that was, and am of the belief that I’ll nev­er stop chang­ing.

The most impor­tant thing to keep in mind through all of this is whether the change is for the bet­ter, and as Tom has helped me real­ize, rela­tion­ships (friend­ships or oth­er­wise) should form around this idea.

Whether or not a rela­tion­ship will work out in the end is not based on one per­son, but the foun­da­tion and dynam­ic of two peo­ple.