Posts in category "Random"

When Will The Devil Take Me?

It has­n’t stopped rain­ing since I woke up this morn­ing, and now it’s dark, with only the street­lamps and their reflec­tions in the pud­dles for light. It’s cold out­side.

This is a good thing.

I feel like the epony­mous char­ac­ter in Onegin. Sitting on the bal­cony in the dead of win­ter, wait­ing for a let­ter. His ser­vant, hand­ing him a stemmed glass of vod­ka, asks him to come inside because it’s cold. “I like the cold” he replies, as he resigns him­self to his fate.

He walks down the streets of Saint Petersburg, and his motif comes in on the piano, fol­lowed by strings. FADE TO BLACK.

A sto­ic face to the world. Can I say sto­ic? I like sto­ic.

These titles are get­ting hard­er and hard­er to write.

And I want to say that I’m melan­choly, but I’m not. But I’m not gid­dy either. My emo­tions aren’t black and white. They’re a mix­ture of ups and down. I don’t know what to say when I don’t know what I’m feel­ing or what comes next.

I’m just wait­ing. Passive. Yielding.

Fish Resurrection

My bet­ta died over the week­end. After my trip to Hong Kong, for which I left him a slow-release food tablet, he was nev­er the same. The tablet was bare­ly eat­en, and turned his water a very mud­dy colour and opac­i­ty. In the weeks since my return he stayed hid­den in his lit­tle shrub at the bot­tom of the bowl.

I named him Connor, after the main char­ac­ter in the Highlander series, because he was very much a fight­ing fish, and “there can be only one” bet­ta in a bowl at a time.

Bronwen remind­ed me that the char­ac­ters in the Highlander series are immor­tals, who res­ur­rect after some time. And Connor MacLeod, being the immor­tal and his name­sake, should come back to life short­ly there­after.

So now, in the back of my head some­where, I expect to see Connor rein­car­nat­ed and swim­ming hap­pi­ly in the near­est body of water. Since I cleaned out his BiOrb, leav­ing in it only aquar­i­um rocks, that would be my Brita water jug. Good thing I don’t keep it in the fridge.

I Miss Camping

I found this old video of a bunch of us cook­ing burg­ers on the old Coleman while camp­ing in 2004. Back before Trolley or Tyler were mar­ried (or even engaged). I love the way Adam, as the only gay mem­ber of our crew, puts a t‑shirt on his head and sidles up to Tyler to join in the mer­ri­ment. Every time I watch this clip, I laugh at this exact point, in the exact same way.

I haven’t been camp­ing in too long. Even though I’m a city slick­er, I love to get out and away about once a year. Waking up in the cold, fresh air; talk­ing around a camp­fire; for­go­ing the lux­u­ry of show­ers and the inter­net; these are the things that bring you back to your human­i­ty. And often it’s as much about the peo­ple as the event, because there are bare­ly any oppor­tu­ni­ties for us to get togeth­er. I miss those guys just as much.